Saxonhook Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Well my world has been turned upside down my fiancée decided to end our 9 yr relationship. Things had been difficult for some time and I had done everything I could to make things work, however I always felt for the last 9 months I had already lost her. During this time I had a look on her Facebook page to find she had been talking to another guy liking his pictures etc. A month before Xmas she decided we should split up but needed to be amicable as we have 2 children together. For the first month I felt ok but still missed her. Then for some reason she to me she had unblocked me in her fb page and we should be friends in there, this is when it all started going downhill, I look on her page and there's more comments between her and this guy and now today I find out they are now together something she denied. That's until I noticed he had changed his profile picture to a pic of the 2 if them. This has completely knocked me for six and I'm at my lowest point I have ever found myself, I was willing to be sensible but I have been lied to yet again. I would love to be able to have no contact with her at all but I can't cos of the kids. I don't understand how someone can be in such a long commuted relationship and then jump into another so soon after if nothing was going on before. I don't know what to do my head is a mess and can't cope I know I need to be strong for the kids but if I'm no use to myself what use am I to them. Thanks for any advice u can give
strive Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 This is why FB is evil. First, block her. Don't ever look at her fb again. What she does on her own time shouldn't concern you anymore. Yes it hurts to know they've moved on or that they left you to be with someone else. A lot of us have been there. But a lot of us too have come out of the other side okay, if not more happy. Next, it really is more difficult when children are involved because you can't do complete NC. But LC is tolerable as long as all communication revolves around your children and their needs only. Amicable does not equal friends. It's hard to be strong for your children when deep inside you feel shattered. But remember that they're also feeling the heavy blow of the split. Spend as much time as you can with them and show them you love them. And during the times they're not with you, take care of yourself. Hit the gym, eat healthy food, go out and have fun. Pamper yourself even so you can recharge a bit. Because you'll need all the strength to emotionally support three broken hearts, yours and your children. Stay strong. It's rough at first, but there's always a light at the end of the tunnel. 8
Author Saxonhook Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Well that's me just been signed off from work and put on anti depressants. Thanks for the advice, I know this is going to take time just hurts at the moment.
sw2020 Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Dude, this sounds like a truly horrible situation for you. You're definitely in the right place for support and advice. I guess the kids are a great motivation for getting yourself strong. Eat really healthy. Try and tire yourself out with exercise. It will ensure you sleep as well as possible. Definitely block on Facebook and force yourself to stop looking. 1
Author Saxonhook Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Cheers like I said earlier really appreciate all the help, u guys are helping to keep me sane as well as my friends family and most importantly my kids
Chi townD Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Yeah, that's a pretty evil thing to do. You're right, you can't go completely NC on her due to the kids. However, if she wants to rub her new relationship in your face, then you CAN limit contact. She's the one not making this amicable; therefore, you don't have to put up with it. Go ahead and block her on Facebook. She'll probably call or text asking what that was all about. Ignore it! Let all calls go to voicemail. If you're dropping money off to her monthly for child support, find out her account number and bank routing number and have the money direct deposited into her account. The only texts you respond to is about the kids. The only phone messages you respond to BY TEXT is about the kids. Ignore the ones about, "What's wrong with you?" "How come you're not answering your phone?" ignore it. When it comes to the kids, text her that you're going to be a little late getting the kids and if she can drop them off at your mom's house." Or your brothers, or sisters...whoever. Let that be you're pick up and drop off point from now on. 1
Author Saxonhook Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Thanks asking my parents to meet her for the kids seems like a great idea although they now refuse to have anything to do with her as my mum was the one who found out from her work colleague what has been going on and how long for. Had to see her this morning to drop my kids off and it got me angry and upset yet again, just a vicious circle now
John83 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Stay strong mate i know how hard it is. Kids make things all the more messy as you can never go full no contact. But on the other side of the coin they keep you strong when you have them around and give you the motavation to carry on. It also adds to the heartache as you feel bad for them having their world turned upside down. Im coping by trying to think positively about how i can create the best life possible for my kids, devote every second i spend with them to making them as happy as can be. Think about creating a fantastic new home for them ect. 1
Chi townD Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Thanks asking my parents to meet her for the kids seems like a great idea although they now refuse to have anything to do with her as my mum was the one who found out from her work colleague what has been going on and how long for. Had to see her this morning to drop my kids off and it got me angry and upset yet again, just a vicious circle now Regardless of how they feel about HER, you'll be hard pressed to find grandparents that don't want to spend a little more time with their grandkids! Even if it's just a pick up and drop off situation.
Author Saxonhook Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Thats where this gets a little more difficult as well, as in the mean time I have had to move back in with my parents. This is enabling me to get myself financially secure again and maybe into a place where I can financially buy a house of my own for me and the kids. So my parents seen the kids almost as much as I do now anyway. Also having the family support around me has helped me as much as possible, even though its my mum that keeps trying to give me more information than I actually want or need. Again though appreciate al the help, this is a rollercoaster at the moment and just waiting for my turn to be able to get off
Author Saxonhook Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 Just when I think my ex can't stoop any lower, my eldest who is 7 asks me if I would mind mummy marrying her new bf who is a policeman. He then tells me how he was in bed playing with my youngest son who is 2. This all coming from a woman who said it would be a long time before the kids meet this guy bearing in mind we only split 7 weeks ago now. Never thought someone could be so evil
fixing Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 Wow, what a cruel vindictive cow. Sorry foe your pain bro. I cant imagine that kind of pain. Keep up the minimal contact and try to put on a brave face no matter how crushed you are right now. Things will get better. Stay strong!
Mr me to Posted January 25, 2014 Posted January 25, 2014 Bro I can completely relate my ex and I separated around 5 months ago I have recently found out that for 4 of those months she has been in a relationship with a so called friend of mine and like you I first heard it from my four year old son. I would have a conversation with your mum regarding you going total no contact for the short term. As in all contact goes through her even though it's just to speak to the children let your mum get them on the phone for you. Also explain to friends and family that no contact means you don't want information regarding her at all. I spent hours trying to put a jigsaw together with the most obscure pieces of information. It's pointless and stunts healing. Well done with the anti depressants every little helps. I'm starting a cbt course next week maybe your GP could refer you to something similar? Exercise and the gym is your new best friend. Not only will it break the cycle of ruminating it'll ensure you get some sleep and maintain an appetite. Try and find something that can provide an instant distraction for when it all gets to intense, I've took up video games at 30! Other than that I'm told it's just a case of riding it out. I was getting somewhere until this latest bombshell so it does get easier. Stay strong and most importantly maintain no contact.
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