sugarpea Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Hey Just wanted to gather some thoughts on how you would approach this scenario. It's not just made up it is something I may have to deal with soon so would like your opinions on how to approach this. If your really good friend ends up dating or being with someone that you know is bad for them, what do you do? I think it's a bit difficult because I would want to protect the friend, but I would not want to lose the friendship, and its really their decision who they would date so as a friend would you even have any power/ say in any of it? Comments please. Thanks.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I'd wait until s/he came crying on my shoulder, then let them have MY truth. I say 'MY' because if they're in a relationship with this 'bad person' it will not be THEIR truth..... so it pays to tell them the facts as we see them - but also state that the outcome is THEIR choice, and that your friendship is always there for them. 2
preraph Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I'd gently give tell them what you know and say you'll be there if they ever need to talk, and then shut up about it unless they come to you.
Onethirtyeight Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 All you can do is not support it until they come to you for help and then you can tell them how you can feel. Unless they're in real danger, then you need to say something. If the only thing at risk is feelings I would let them learn from their mistakes. 1
WordvAction Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I usually say my peace to them about being in a bad relationship. My friends want honesty and respect my input, and in return I don't bother them about it after I've said my peace. After that, like the people here say, just support them when **** hits the fan.
Iguanna Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Unfortunately I have done this mistake and I know now I'll never do it again. When a couple argues, they can say every possible bad thing and accusation for their partner, but if you agree with them and add some more bad things, they will end up making up and you will be the idiot who tried to split the couple. I have done this with disastrous result, I ended up not talking to my cousin for 2 years. It sucks. Do not do it. It's their life and if they want to see the signs they will do it by themselves, there is nothing you can do to make them see them. 1
Trnamakesnse Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I've only had it come up once. A friends BF was being a controlling domineering B and I let her know she shouldn't stop seeing her friends or let him keep her all to himself, that's when things get really bad. She said she knew and I try to contact her from time to time. He'll see a text from me and send something really angry and offensive but I can't stop her I just let her know I'm her friend and I ignore him.
Author sugarpea Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Thanks everyone This helps a lot just wondering would you sit them down and let them know what you think then or would it be a case of waiting for them to bring up the 'so what do you think of A?' question. I mean I wouldn't want to judge and probably wouldn't on the first day and really from an outside perspective you might not get to know 'A' fully as they would reserve some of their personality for your friend but I suppose you would be able to see other ways they treat them that you wouldn't be happy with.
mrs rubble Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 One of my best friends is going out with the most uncouth, revolting man in the entire country! I've known them both for over 20years and he's never going to change. She started going out with him about 18 months ago. About 6 months into the relationship she started to whinge about his behaviour, I told her my thoughts. She whinged, text, phoned regularly. One day she accidently sent a scathing text about him meant for me to him! He dumped her........then they got back together....she hasn't told me they're back together (guess she's embarassed) I hear none of her whinging anymore and I see and hear very little of her. I'm guessing she'll be in touch next time he dumps her.
reardon Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 All I can say is support your friend though you don't like his/her dating. Your role as a friend is to be shoulder to lean on whether good times or bad times. It is okay to be vocal to your friend that you don't like his/her date but don't meddle with them. 1
Elias33 Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Everybody is entitled to make their own mistakes. So unless your friend is in harms way, do not interfere. Being a friend is sometimes about stepping aside. 1
Mondmellonw Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I'm passing through this right now. Um... Every time this friend is sad, I try ro make sure she knows she can count with me. I am actually the one person that knows "the most" about this relationship of hers, but she still saves some stuff on her. She is very young and I am afraid this dude will only take advantage of her. Dunno, it's difficult. You can't convince them or even try to, cause you might lose their friendship. It's on them to live their lives and make their own mistakes, as we too do so. Only thing we can do is to listen to them when they need us, to be there for them.
Iguanna Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 If after one, two, three times they go on doing the same things, I will stop bothering to repeat again and again the same things. They are grown ups and they should know what is best for them. After a while I will NOT be there for them when they need me. I know this makes me a horrible friend, but I hate pointing mistakes to someone with proof and they go on doing the same thing and then complain. If you choose to do the same mistakes, then have the dignity not to complain to people that are innocent.
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