Tigerlily76 Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 My boyfriend for the last eight months is going back to New Zealand in a couple of weeks' time, where he's originally from. He'll be away for four months, then he's coming back to the UK to work in London for a while longer. We met at work (not London) and have been working together until he left our company at the end of December. When we started going out we agreed that neither of us wanted a serious relationship, me because I'd just come out of a four year relationship with someone else, he because he knew he'd eventually be going back to NZ. We saw each other this weekend for the last time before he goes back to NZ for this four month trip (he's staying with friends in London now until he goes) and basically he told me he wouldn't be coming back to me afterwards. I was expecting it but I guess I'd let myself hope otherwise given how close we've got over the last few months. My problem is, when he said this, I managed to respond with.... not a lot. First I managed "I don't know what to say" and then managed to reach the heights of eloquence with "I'll really miss you". That wasn't what I was aiming for! Then the moment passed and he took me out for lunch followed by a tearful parting at the station (he was crying too...). I just want to let him know that I really care for him and I wish he'd think again about starting a serious relationship with me when he gets back. I don't want to make him feel pressured, though, so I was thinking of writing him a letter. I don't want to call in case I lapse into the same verbal incompetence as before. Do people think a letter's a good/bad/terrible idea? I am already missing him so much. I just want to feel that I tried. That whatever happens, doesn't happen, I did my (inarticulate) best.
chica Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I just want to feel that I tried. That whatever happens, doesn't happen, I did my (inarticulate) best. Yes - write it down. Write however you feel down as though you are not necessarily going to send it - be really honest with yourself - that will help you clarify what it is you want to say. I think you're right in not wanting to pressure him, and I guess it's about protecting your feelings if he still stands by not wanting to wait for you too. I think you'll feel regret if you don't express your true feelings and go on not knowing if that would have made a difference. 4 months isn't a very long time to be apart, it feels like it, but life goes on and it's up before you know it. There is a chance of course, that he never intended to have a long-term relationship with you and that that wont change, but there's only one way to find out. good luck
magpie24 Posted January 11, 2005 Posted January 11, 2005 I have just gotten dumped , my letter is on here to along with its story. When I was broken up with, the conversation was very short and all I managed to say was "you broke my heart" and "I dont belive you" I got dumped for an ex that "they talked and things got explained". Bottom line , she got heard I sure as hell didnt. I wrote the letter and I even stated in the first lines that I was doing in for myself. You need to get heard. Even if he doesnt read it.... you will feel better, trust me. I keep a copy for myself too and look at it from time to time. I just feel like I did my best , just like you said at the end. And if he will ever have doubts how you feel, its right there black on white. It helped me tremedously. please try it. I think it does wonders. Good luck in everything mags
Author Tigerlily76 Posted January 11, 2005 Author Posted January 11, 2005 Thank you both for the encouragement - it really is much appreciated! I've just sat down and written the letter now. You were both so right, I actually do feel quite a lot better just for having written things down! Thanks again.
chica Posted January 12, 2005 Posted January 12, 2005 Tigerlily: I'm glad it help you to feel a bit better - I always find it helps when I have any sort of difficult emotional issues going on. Do you think you'll send it? Or just keep it for you? chica
BrainRightHeartWrong Posted January 13, 2005 Posted January 13, 2005 write that letter! me and my girlfriend broke up on christmas, i wrote her a letter last week holding nothing back, we sort of got back together last weekend but then it all went sour she told me she never knew i loved her until she read my letter i had held back so much emotion that left her all confused in your letter don't hold back, don't play games, just tell how you felt about all different situations and how you feel now good luck! it will be there in B & W and he will probably keep it for a long long time and might just go back and read it again i kept a beautiful poem written for me by an ex from 6 years ago, in it she describes how i made her feel, i will always keep it and from time to time i still read it
Recommended Posts