KelC411 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Hi all!Thanks in advance for reading! I got out of a 3 year relationship about 2 months ago. Obviously I am probably not ready for another serious thing yet, but friends recommended that I go on dates and try OkCupid just to meet new people and get out of the house. I have been in two first dates, both of which were fine, if a little boring (we didnt have much in common). My problem is that I have never really dated casually, as I have always met guys through school or work and then gotten in serious relationship. So, I tend to go into dates with a lot of anxiety because my "default" setting is to wonder what a relationship with a guy would be like. So, even though it is lame, I have some questions/concerns. Is it worth it to go on dates when you arent sure you are ready for anything serious? Is it ok to go on a date with someone who you are fairly sure you couldnt get serious with (e.g. One of you wants kids and the other doesnt so you probably couldnt get serious without issues)? How do you let someone down easy when you realize you dont want to go out with them again? I know this sounds dumb and juvenile, but dating is harder than I remember lol. Thanks for your advice!
mammasita Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I think if you make it known up front that you want nothing more than just dates, I see nothing wrong with it. I tend to have the same mind set, I find it hard to multidate. A friend of mine once did 30 dates in 30 days. She went out with 30 different men....not necessarily in 30 days back to back.....but it gave her great insight about what she wanted and didn't want in a mate. Try something like speed dating to get your feet wet.
Mascara Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Personally, I would say no, you shouldn't be going out on dates if you aren't ready. OLD is full of people who put up a profile and go on dates because it's the easiest way to say "I'm doing something about being single". I got SO sick of the effort of meeting and dating men who "weren't ready". I waited until I was totally open to being in a relationship again. It's unfair to use people for your own personal development, and is the major reason that people give up on OLD. If you're going to be up front about it, that's a different matter (and by "up front", I don't mean on the first date. I mean in your profile)
Phantom888 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Not a bad thing to go on dates and meet people. It can be fun. If you are not ready for a relationship but want sex, make it known in the beginning. If you want to take things slow, that is okay too. Just be natural. If and when you find the right person, you will want to be in a relationship again. For now, just date casually and try to understand what you seek in a partner. I would not recommend having sex too soon because that affects your judgment on the person. You don't want to mis-judge based on pure physical compatibility. Weed out the ones you know you don't want, then spend time getting to know the ones you are interested in. Best of luck.
isisisweeping Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My problem is that I have never really dated casually, as I have always met guys through school or work and then gotten in serious relationship. So, I tend to go into dates with a lot of anxiety because my "default" setting is to wonder what a relationship with a guy would be like.! I have this same problem! It makes casual dating difficult. I have more sympathy than answers.
soccerrprp Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Make it loud and clear that you are NOT looking for something LT and if he/she is okay with that, then go for it. Otherwise you are being deceptive and a jack-wagon! If you don't want to see him/her any more....do it the old fashion way. Tell him/her.
nescafe1982 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 (edited) I don't want to judge your level of readiness, but 8 weeks is not a very long time to process a 3 year long relationship. Are you really sure you're ready to handle dating? And I don't mean the kind of dating where all goes well, you have fun with some new people, and maybe you kiss at the end. I mean the kind where you get rejected, where you meet people who are crazy, and you find yourself thrown into situations where getting "too-close" can happen "too-fast." Where there's a ton of pressure to do things you may or may not be comfortable with. Because you might feel ready for what dating can be... but after only 8 weeks, I would still feel a bit tender and not so ready to receive the kinds of rejection and heart-ache that tend to typify what dating often is. It's for people with hearts already healed... not a means by which people heal their hearts. (my opinion) If you are truly ready, but really don't want something serious, make it known early, perhaps on your profile. There's nothing wrong with having fun, but don't get yourself in a situation where you're leading someone else on in your quest to get over your ex. Edited January 13, 2014 by nescafe1982
KatZee Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 If you're not ready for anything then I say DON'T go on dates. I tried OLD and this is one of the precise reasons it was such a colossal waste of time to me and why I shut down my accounts. I'm almost 2 years single now. No drama, no baggage, looking for something real. It seems 9 out of 10 people on these sites are so broken, or emotionally retarded, carrying obvious baggage, and are just on there because they're bored, looking to latch onto something, need someone to mother them. And I hear it from some guys too. The girls are lunatics, needy, etc. Don't be another person on that site that's playing around for fun, or just adding to the general pool of "not ready to date" online daters.
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