Camaro Guy Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I just want to know if I'm missing anything substantial from my life. All of my friends and people I know make it sound like the best thing since sliced bread. The media emphasizes it. I'm a virgin at 23 simply because I'm not attractive enough and because I don't have enough charisma. I feel as if I'm living a full enough life already and I can easily see myself going without sex or a partner until the day I die.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 In my experience it totally depends on who it's with. With some people it's boring at best, others it's terrible and unfulfilling. With other people it's the most amazing thing you've ever felt and you can't believe another human can make you feel that way. So I'd say when it's good, yes, it's really that great. When it isn't so good, I could take it or leave it. 6
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Sex with the right person -- where it's a connection on multiple levels is that great. Yes. Sex, especially in the beginning, without love and caring causes more harm then good. You feel used. It's like a stranger touched a piece of your soul when you didn't want them too. I have seen it really screw people up. 1
Confuddled1983 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Sex is, IMO, over-rated. Yes I have had great sex with wonderful people but I think some people rate it far too highly. If I had a great relationship with someone but the sex was awful it wouldn't bother too much to be honest, good sex is nice and all that but for me a connection with someone runs deeper than that, in fact if I met someone, who for medical reasons could perform in the bedroom, I would still be with them and go without sex for the rest of my life (IF the person was someone I loved deeply).
CarrieT Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Here's the thing... Is Beluga Caviar really that great? Sure it is! But how many people actually get to taste it to know how great it is? And if you never get to taste Beluga Caviar, is your life going to be that much less worth living if you never get to taste it? Can you live your life without it, if you never get it? What about Louis Roederer, 1990 Cristal Brut Champagne? Is it all that and a bag-of-chips? Absolutely! It is phenomenal and are you missing something substantial in your life if you never get any? Sex can be the same thing for some people who -- as the OP has stated -- are living a full life without sex. You won't die without it. It is not necessary for survival unless you want to procreate. You can obsess on the absence of sex the way you can obsess on the absence of anything else in life that is fun/good/great... But if you have honestly never had it and truly don't think you want it, what's the big deal? Live your life to the fullest that you can and enjoy what you have without beating yourself up too much for what you don't have. 6
Mrlonelyone Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 As has been said it really depends on the person and situation. Sex is almost always physically pleasurable...but the real difference is the after feel. Sex can leave you on cloud nine. It can make you and your partner feel so high that everyone around you notices the glow. Sex can leave you feeling like a total sack of crap, or ashamed of being alive. 2
mario_C Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 It's the greatest. For me, it was - back in the Paleozoic era. Keep trying. It's something to do, isn't it?
salparadise Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 It's complicated. It exists on multiple levels. The act itself is a basic physiological need, especially for a man. Women tend to discount this assertion because a) they can get it anytime they want, and b) asymmetrical gender priorities tend to deemphasize purely physical sex for many of them. Sexual intimacy also shows up on level three of Maslow's hierarchy as part of the need for belonging and social connection. Maslow's hierarchy has its share of critics, but we don't need to settle that argument to know that for most people sex is important. The ones who claim it's not are probably not the ones involuntarily going without—similar to a billionaire telling someone who is hungry and homeless that money is not important. It's not hard to walk around with empty pockets when you have money in the bank. Needs are prioritized, so if all of your needs are met up to level three, but you don't have access to sexual intimacy, or even the physical act, then the need will be realized more than if you're struggling to meet life's most basic requirements. I believe there is yet another level that perhaps Mr. Maslow had not experienced, and that's where sexuality becomes existential, akin to a type of spiritual fulfillment that few achieve. 2
Eclypse Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 It is the greatest thing in the world. The act itself feels amazing but it's everything else that seals the deal. There's nothing quite like exchanging dirty texts at work and getting all hot and bothered, then when you get together, slowly making out with them as your hands explore each other's bodies. Foreplay is amazing. But the absolute best part is the after sex cuddling when you lie there naked together and talk and drift off to sleep. Lying there, with my amazing, beautiful girl curled up next to me with her head on my shoulder and hand on my chest... Why, God himself would be envious! 1
CaliGuy Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Dude, seriously. When you meet the right person who pushes all your buttons, it will be out of this world. You don't have experience yet -- and if you are a Christian, I would ask you to follow the Lord's word on sex and marriage. When you do though, you will be asking yourself why you even asked this question in the first place. 1
Author Camaro Guy Posted January 15, 2014 Author Posted January 15, 2014 Sex is amazing when it's with the right person. ONSs and drunken fumblings... not so great. Even those "drunken fumblings" sound better than fumbling with yourself after an unsuccessful night out. Not that I really care, I'm just saying. I'm willing to bet that it has nothing to do with your attractiveness or charisma and everything to do with your low self-esteem. I don't have low self-esteem. Even then, girls can't even tell. It's all about what's on the outside.
Khyla Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 It is the greatest thing in the world. The act itself feels amazing but it's everything else that seals the deal. There's nothing quite like exchanging dirty texts at work and getting all hot and bothered, then when you get together, slowly making out with them as your hands explore each other's bodies. Foreplay is amazing. But the absolute best part is the after sex cuddling when you lie there naked together and talk and drift off to sleep. Lying there, with my amazing, beautiful girl curled up next to me with her head on my shoulder and hand on my chest... Why, God himself would be envious! Awwwwww
Khyla Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I don't have low self-esteem. Even then, girls can't even tell. It's all about what's on the outside. Nope! If a guy truly loves himself, has a sense of accomplishment about him, a sense of satisfaction and passion for a particular skill, hobby or other endeavor, it shows in an air of self-confidence, and in the way he carries himself, and he exudes attractiveness, no matter what his outside features are. 3
Badsingularity Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Nope! If a guy truly loves himself, has a sense of accomplishment about him, a sense of satisfaction and passion for a particular skill, hobby or other endeavor, it shows in an air of self-confidence, and in the way he carries himself, and he exudes attractiveness, no matter what his outside features are. Very well said.
Lennon Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Your too hard on yourself man, its confidence man, not cockiness, nor is all about physical attraction its confidence, girls can sense it in a man and they its a huge attraction to woman. I know from experience as i had suffered from low self esteem through out my teenage years into my early adulthood, One day i realised people actually liked me for the person i was and always had been, my confidence began to grow and i became more and more comfortable in my own skin allowing me to show people more of the person i was. Without my shyness holding me back in shackles anymore. Once my confidence confidence and my true self began to shine, i noticed girls taking notice of this and things with girls where alot easier than previous. If you have friends who like you, think your funny or a pretty cool guy then there are women who will also think the same, you just need to be able to show them. The right person will come along someday man or maybe just the right person for a drunken fumble but don't stress about it. My breakup has somewhat robbed me of who i was but i'll get him back with time. and to answer your question sex can be god bloody awful with some people, an awkward and torrid experience or you have to do all the work while she just lays there. it can be great with the right people, passionate and fun, caught up in the moment. it can absolutely amazing with that special person, it kinda becomes more than sex and has an intimacy to it like no other. However sex is just sex man, the first time you do it, you may be actually a little disappointed because you built up as this great thing in your head. I remember when i lost my virginity at 18, I was kinda like okay was expecting it to be a bit more amazing than that but it was alright, good luck :]
potsticker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Even those "drunken fumblings" sound better than fumbling with yourself after an unsuccessful night out. Not that I really care, I'm just saying. I don't have low self-esteem. Even then, girls can't even tell. It's all about what's on the outside. sounds like you're not very adventurous with yourself When I have a day to waste, sometimes I'll spend most, if not the whole day pleasuring myself. And I'd never describe it as "fumbling with myself" because there's so much material out there... it's more like "exploring my horizons" along with "revisiting my favorite settings". Not to mention with some mediums, you can essentially keep yourself on the edge for HOURS and come to some crazy intense finishes. Btw, same as you here, 100% virgin. I'm not saying sex might not be epic. But clearly if that's your impression of masturbation, you haven't even reached the apex of what self-pleasuring can bring you. hell, gotta learn to love yourself first, before learning to love another, yea?
Robert Z Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 I just want to know if I'm missing anything substantial from my life. All of my friends and people I know make it sound like the best thing since sliced bread. The media emphasizes it. I'm a virgin at 23 simply because I'm not attractive enough and because I don't have enough charisma. I feel as if I'm living a full enough life already and I can easily see myself going without sex or a partner until the day I die. I think it depends entirely on the person. By the time I was thirteen I would have eaten off my own arm if I thought it would get me laid. Obviously you don't have the same drive.
Iguanna Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 We people tend to demote things we can't achieve in life, may that be cause we don't want to try more or cause we feel we can't, whatever we do. You have decided that you are not attractive enough and thus you will never meet a guy who would want to have sex with you. Well, think again. The majority of the people are "not attractive enough" if they are compared to models and actors we see in magazines after a great amount of make up, surgeries and photo shop, but hey, they are paired and are having a great life. When I was younger and realized that what will make me happy is having kids, but I couldn't find a good partner, I said to myself "who needs men? I'll do it myself, get sperm from sperm bank (or whatever it's called) and raise my kid alone". People were telling me "and what about love? won't you have a man to love and he love you?" and I was saying "pff who cares, I'll be just fine by myself". After some time I did find a great guy who now adores me and I adore him. We are good together and we are getting married soon. I can't stop thinking that if I had done what I was thinking back then, I would never have met him and I would just be a single mom without love in her life. I get crazy when I have this thought. To answer your question, yes, you can live without sex, you can live without love, you can live without kids, you can live without friends, etc etc. The real question is, don't you really want to give a great effort for some things (like the above) that will make your life happy and full? Don't you know already that life is a great amount of effort, amongst all? Do you really want to eat the food without salt, just to not be hungry? You are not "not attractive enough" and you will find someone to love you. Don't give up on that cause you are scared to try and fail. Only with failing comes the success, and only then will it be worthy.
Revolver Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Here's the thing... Is Beluga Caviar really that great? Sure it is! But how many people actually get to taste it to know how great it is? And if you never get to taste Beluga Caviar, is your life going to be that much less worth living if you never get to taste it? Can you live your life without it, if you never get it? What about Louis Roederer, 1990 Cristal Brut Champagne? Is it all that and a bag-of-chips? Absolutely! It is phenomenal and are you missing something substantial in your life if you never get any? Sex can be the same thing for some people who -- as the OP has stated -- are living a full life without sex. You won't die without it. It is not necessary for survival unless you want to procreate. You can obsess on the absence of sex the way you can obsess on the absence of anything else in life that is fun/good/great... But if you have honestly never had it and truly don't think you want it, what's the big deal? Live your life to the fullest that you can and enjoy what you have without beating yourself up too much for what you don't have. But Comparing sex to those things is disingenuous and you know it
HeavenOrHell Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 Yes, sex is great with the right person, if you have chemistry sex can be a passionate and beautiful thing, I love it, so does my partner. I just want to know if I'm missing anything substantial from my life. All of my friends and people I know make it sound like the best thing since sliced bread. The media emphasizes it. I'm a virgin at 23 simply because I'm not attractive enough and because I don't have enough charisma. I feel as if I'm living a full enough life already and I can easily see myself going without sex or a partner until the day I die.
potsticker Posted January 15, 2014 Posted January 15, 2014 *snip* I think that while it's stereotyped that way ( that women are more into self-confidence in their men than men are in their women), I think men also tend to prefer self-confident women. When you hear tales of conventionally unattractive women picking their men at their leisure, what is the common theme? they ooze with confidence. And they also know how to play to their strengths, but that's sort of a reason for their confidence that has grown over time (or always been there). When you read women complaining here on LS about their lack of love life, what type is it mostly, excluding the few "oh, the guys only like me for my looks" posters? The shy ones, the burned ones, the insecure ones. I think that self confidence in a woman (ofc not to a point of arrogance, similar to in men), will not only make her more approachable, but also more likely to be well received. Not to mention a more self confident woman would probably more likely pick up on social cues that tell her certain guys are interested in her. Now I'm not saying that if an insecure woman suddenly becomes confident in herself, that the same guys who looked over her definitely would look at her in a new light, but some of them surely will, and a more confident woman would be more likely to see those possibilities bud, and perhaps even nurture one to a full bloom. Not saying that I think guys prefer women who do all the work either (sort of came across that way I think), but that a healthy dose of self-confidence can do the same wonders for insecure women as it can for insecure men. 1
Author Camaro Guy Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 Your reasons for remaining a virgin were both self-depricating. If that's not a sign of low self-esteem, I don't know what is. Saying things like that and putting yourself down are not attractive to anyone. Women tend to place physical attractiveness in men farther down on the list than men do for women when it comes to their priorities in choosing a partner. Women also tend to be more open to unconventional forms of attractiveness than men are, especially since men often get more attractive with age. In my lifetime, I've had a crush on a guy with a unibrow and a guy with a noticeable cleft lip scar (two things most people would say are unattractive). Were they conventionally attractive? No, but they were sexy as **** to me because they were both very confident people. Trust me, you'll find the right person one day, but you've got to start playing your strengths and working on your self-esteem in return. It's not true. I am not self-deprecating. The only reason I said this was because I went my entire college life without even kissing, the easiest time to do so. To be honest, I feel like a giant failure in this regard.
Author Camaro Guy Posted January 18, 2014 Author Posted January 18, 2014 I think it depends entirely on the person. By the time I was thirteen I would have eaten off my own arm if I thought it would get me laid. Obviously you don't have the same drive. Well, I wouldn't have done that. As I said, I could go without sex for the rest of my life. I'm not the same person I was at 13 that I am at 23 (thank god). I think my sex drive is starting to taper off and it's a good thing.
Kate9292 Posted January 18, 2014 Posted January 18, 2014 Sex is awesome with a right person. But it doesn't mean you have to have feelings for right person, they have to know what their doing.
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