Sub Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My W and I both have Linkedin accounts. (For anyone not aware, Linkedin is a networking site geared toward professional/business connections.) One of the features is that you can see who views your profile, if they're logged in to their account while viewing. So, this past weekend, my W and I both find that the OM has recently been viewing each of our profiles. (Best part is seeing that smug, smiling profile pic of his pop up on my page.) It's been about a year and a half since any sort of contact with my WW. She's changed jobs, got a new cel # and email account since. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't happened with her sooner. But what's the deal with checking on me? I've come a long way with being able to deal with triggers and such. I can't say that I'm filing this away as "just nothing". But it's really just more annoying than anything at this point. And weird, as I'm sure he knows that I/we know. Is he trying to get to me?
Spark1111 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Nah, he's trying to Guage the competition....the one he lost to. Ignore, ignore, ignore so he can realize, maybe, how unimportant he is to your relationship and future. When I went on FB, I apparently did not have all the proper security controls in place and she viewed me, us, our life, constantly. In fact, she began to visit and post from all the places we did. Spooky no? I think she was hoping my fWS would notice, but he is not on FB. 2
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My W and I both have Linkedin accounts. (For anyone not aware, Linkedin is a networking site geared toward professional/business connections.) One of the features is that you can see who views your profile, if they're logged in to their account while viewing. So, this past weekend, my W and I both find that the OM has recently been viewing each of our profiles. (Best part is seeing that smug, smiling profile pic of his pop up on my page.) It's been about a year and a half since any sort of contact with my WW. She's changed jobs, got a new cel # and email account since. Frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't happened with her sooner. But what's the deal with checking on me? I've come a long way with being able to deal with triggers and such. I can't say that I'm filing this away as "just nothing". But it's really just more annoying than anything at this point. And weird, as I'm sure he knows that I/we know. Is he trying to get to me? This happened to me early on as well - both from my xmom and his bs (my husband isn't on linkedin). I think early on they didn't know that the person could see that they viewed your profile. After it became clear that you could, then I started getting anonymous views. He is most likely just checking to see if anything has changed - he was curious - he might not even know you know, hard to tell. Or maybe he does and he is making sure that you know he is still around. Hard to tell. Best to just ignore it. 2
aliveagain Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 More importantly, how is your wife dealing with this information?
underwater2010 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I deleted both my LinkedIn and Twitter because MOW's BH was using that to keep up communication with me. And he began following my FWH too. I found that every he contacted me it set me back in our recovery. Which was not fair, considering things are going so good. 2
Author Sub Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 He is most likely just checking to see if anything has changed - he was curious - he might not even know you know, hard to tell. Or maybe he does and he is making sure that you know he is still around. Hard to tell. Best to just ignore it. I'm pretty sure he knows. My W said it's a safe bet, and he's a software/tech guy by trade. Straight ignoring it is easier said than done, though. At least at this very second. There's a sinking feeling that I should be prepared for more, and my guard is back up a bit. I will say that the apparent pettiness of it does, in a way, strengthen my resolve when it comes to my marriage and family. Kind of like "This f***ing guy? Really?"
Author Sub Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 More importantly, how is your wife dealing with this information? Very well. She offered to delete her account, which I disagreed with as it's a useful tool for her career-wise. She's checked on me to make sure I'm "ok", thinking that he may be playing a game. A year ago, they're would have been some rug-sweeping. Not the case today. 2
confusedandhurt2002 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I just found game requests from the OW on my husband's ipad. He never accepted it, he says, and is upset by it. Only our seven year old plays the games so imagine my surprise two nights ago when I look at his game and see it looks like he's competing against her. She's either very sad or that was from before. I don't know. My husband doesn't know and doesn't want to talk about it - other than to tell me he's upset. And I have access to that and all his devices so I don't feel he's lying. There seemed to be no interaction beyond that. Judging by the sick look he gets on his face and the fact he went into our room to cry after he saw her face on his ipad the other day,I don't feel he wants anything to do with her. 1
BetrayedH Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Had the same thing happen to me a week or two ago (although I'm divorced). I've been tempted to let him know that he'd best leave me in his past because he doesn't want me in his present. But so far, I'm taking my own advice and leaving him in the past. Not sure how I would handle it if I were reconciling. By default, I tend to agree with Spark's advice. Silence speaks volumes. 4
whichwayisup Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Can't you block people on LinkedIn? If so, block him. 1
Author Sub Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Can't you block people on LinkedIn? If so, block him. I don't think you can, at least on the free version. Not sure I would though, after a single gesture like this. It's a very strange feeling. I felt like a non-entity to this man for the two and a half years since d-day. And now, I apparently exist. Not that I need validation from him. It was something that I had put away and moved on from, fairly recently in fact. I'm content. I'm just kind of wrestling with that curiosity now. As is my W. 1
confusedandhurt2002 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I don't think you can, at least on the free version. Not sure I would though, after a single gesture like this. It's a very strange feeling. I felt like a non-entity to this man for the two and a half years since d-day. And now, I apparently exist. Not that I need validation from him. It was something that I had put away and moved on from, fairly recently in fact. I'm content. I'm just kind of wrestling with that curiosity now. As is my W. Non-entity. Yes. That's how I felt to her too!
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Can't you block people on LinkedIn? If so, block him. You can't block people on LinkedIn and you can't keep people from viewing you anonymously, which is a huge contention amongst members on the site.
bobwhite007 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Hmmm....this explains a few questions i had. And yes im still around here everyday. Seems like a lot of trouble to me that some people will go thru just for something they could get at home.
VeronicaRoss Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 An affair is a huge event no matter what side of it you're on. It's kind of a no brainer they'd check you out at some point, it sure doesn't take much effort. If they're doing things to get you're attention, now that's a problem.
whichwayisup Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 I don't think you can, at least on the free version. Not sure I would though, after a single gesture like this. It's a very strange feeling. I felt like a non-entity to this man for the two and a half years since d-day. And now, I apparently exist. Not that I need validation from him. It was something that I had put away and moved on from, fairly recently in fact. I'm content. I'm just kind of wrestling with that curiosity now. As is my W. Then make your settings private only people on your list can see and view your profile. Obviously he is not on your list of friends, right? 2
Author Sub Posted January 14, 2014 Author Posted January 14, 2014 Then make your settings private only people on your list can see and view your profile. Obviously he is not on your list of friends, right? No, he is not. And thanks. I'll see what I can do with my privacy settings for future use.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 No, he is not. And thanks. I'll see what I can do with my privacy settings for future use. This you can do - you can make your photo (or anything else for that matter) private - only available to your connections. However, it's a business website - one for networking - this is where things get weird. But you can tighten it up for certain - doesn't keep him from clicking through but it will prevent him from seeing anything.
SugarHibiscus Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 I don't think you can understand his motivation with the info you have. Boredom? Curiosity? Malicious intent? As others have mentioned, I think you should ignore him. If his intention is to stir up trouble, no reaction is the best course of action. (Even blocking him is an action.) If he starts to cyber stalk, you block him. 1
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