FLAKMAN Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I had posted a couple weeks ago but forgot my login info...sorry Quick Recap: -3 yr relationship ended -she got with new guy in 2 weeks -i acted stupid and cried, begged, pleaded etc. -made things much worse (she got very angry) -started trying to fix things (reading every ebook i could, join every forum, go out and date, even got a "coaching" service) -things started slowly looking better, not GOOD, but better for sure. =================================================== for the current situation: we had our "last meeting" in person and she dropped all my stuff off recently. I had used a coaching service (Get Back With Your Ex | Get Your Ex | Zoomonkey.com if anyone is curious) and he warned me that she will either be very lovey, or very angry, depending on what emotions shes needing to work out. It turned out to be the angry ones. All in all I think I handled the situation well and ended it with a plan to go NC for 10 or so days. Well, by surprise she got in touch with me 1 week later, asking for some mundane information (great sign!), and i handled it well, wasnt eager, took my time to get her the info etc, and tried to squeeze a little bit of conversation into it. The conversation went well, but the topic was sad. I asked how her pets have been doing (genuine curiosity as I loved all of them) and it turns out many had recently died for some odd reason. This shocked me and I asked a few questions (what? how? when? etc) and eventually caught myself and stopped. overall the conversation took about 10 minutes and about 10 txt messages, pretty good. Well, yesterday she texted me out of the blue. Letting me know yet another pet (the one she was closest to, she had this one since i met her, which made it the closest one to me too) had died. this shocked me, and i think i butchered myself. -she told me the update -i called her like 2 minutes later. rang 3x and went to vm (ie she rejected it) -sent a txt asking her to call me and i only have a moment (truth) -called again a minute later, auto-voicemail (like she was making a call at the same time) -sent another txt saying i have to run but txt me what happened and ill get back tomorrow -called one final time, 2 rings and vm (she rejected) -sent another txt saying k im gone, but please tell me what happened ======================================= I messed this all up. The coach guy was giving solid advice and I was seeing good progress (compared to where I was), but he specifically said (and I and everyone Ive talked to agree) that I should go NC for a week or two after the first wave of pet dying texts was exchanged, but instead This caught me off gaurd and I think I overdid the attempts to talk...now I don't know what to do.
julzfromsa Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I had posted a couple weeks ago but forgot my login info...sorry Quick Recap: -3 yr relationship ended -she got with new guy in 2 weeks -i acted stupid and cried, begged, pleaded etc. -made things much worse (she got very angry) -started trying to fix things (reading every ebook i could, join every forum, go out and date, even got a "coaching" service) -things started slowly looking better, not GOOD, but better for sure. =================================================== for the current situation: we had our "last meeting" in person and she dropped all my stuff off recently. I had used a coaching service (Get Back With Your Ex | Get Your Ex | Zoomonkey.com if anyone is curious) and he warned me that she will either be very lovey, or very angry, depending on what emotions shes needing to work out. It turned out to be the angry ones. All in all I think I handled the situation well and ended it with a plan to go NC for 10 or so days. Well, by surprise she got in touch with me 1 week later, asking for some mundane information (great sign!), and i handled it well, wasnt eager, took my time to get her the info etc, and tried to squeeze a little bit of conversation into it. The conversation went well, but the topic was sad. I asked how her pets have been doing (genuine curiosity as I loved all of them) and it turns out many had recently died for some odd reason. This shocked me and I asked a few questions (what? how? when? etc) and eventually caught myself and stopped. overall the conversation took about 10 minutes and about 10 txt messages, pretty good. Well, yesterday she texted me out of the blue. Letting me know yet another pet (the one she was closest to, she had this one since i met her, which made it the closest one to me too) had died. this shocked me, and i think i butchered myself. -she told me the update -i called her like 2 minutes later. rang 3x and went to vm (ie she rejected it) -sent a txt asking her to call me and i only have a moment (truth) -called again a minute later, auto-voicemail (like she was making a call at the same time) -sent another txt saying i have to run but txt me what happened and ill get back tomorrow -called one final time, 2 rings and vm (she rejected) -sent another txt saying k im gone, but please tell me what happened ======================================= I messed this all up. The coach guy was giving solid advice and I was seeing good progress (compared to where I was), but he specifically said (and I and everyone Ive talked to agree) that I should go NC for a week or two after the first wave of pet dying texts was exchanged, but instead This caught me off gaurd and I think I overdid the attempts to talk...now I don't know what to do. Go NC till she contact you. Ignore the Reply and wait for her to contact again.. Then post what she had said and take some advice from the forum.. NC is the only way. Try get out of this mindset of getting her back. She should try get you back mate.. Good luck. Please dont get stuck trying to get her back. I understand the urge but most times its a rather vicious circle. Best 2
Fufu Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I honestly think you over relied on the coaching service. And when you couldn't control the situation, you basically went overboard by attempting to reach her several times. NC is never about getting back with your ex. It's for personal healing (emotional healing) because right now you are letting your emotions run wild and controlling your thoughts/actions. The facts that you need to remember: - She left you (became your ex) - She has a new bf now (I assume she still has) 1
BC1980 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 This sounds disastrous. The problem a lot of people seem to run into when attempting to reestablish a connection to or get back an ex is that they are no longer in control. You are at the whim of another person, and everything you do is so construed and artificial. Who can live like that? You can have the best "game plan" in the world, but, if your ex doesn't want to get back with you, it doesn't matter. I've seen so many similar threads, and it always ends with time wasted. Hell, I wasted 4 months of my life in LC trying to get a second chance by playing mind games. In the end, the joke was on me. I got played, and I did it to myself. Trust me and everyone else when we say it's so much better to let it go and focus on recovery. 3
KathyM Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You came across as desperate when you repeatedly tried to contact her. You need to go back to NC and try to move on and start dating others. 1
Darren Steez Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 Why do you need a coach? Just don't answer your damn phone!! Aren't you angry she's possibly banging another dude and you're sitting there like a puppy waiting for a text about her pets? She was into dude while she was with you, or at least she wanted to get out of the relationship and so she did. The question you should ask is what are you worth? She broke up with you for a reason/s. Are you happy being plan B? Are you happy getting little scraps/crumbs? If someone kicks you in the b*lls do you say thank you, I'm so grateful I'm going to call you three times..maybe a fourth? Are you worth more than scraps? Or do you deserve better? No more plan B, no more waiting for more kicks.. no more crumbs. 1
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