somewanderersarelost Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My ex and I broke up in October of 2012. It took me a long time, but I eventually started to feel better. I still think of my ex a lot, but I'm able to maintain a relatively normal life now. Anyway, on Friday night I was out with some friends, and I unexpectedly ran into my ex. I hadn't talked / seen him since February of 2013. (We ended amicably, but I went NC because I knew I couldn't handle being friends.) We talked for a few minutes, and, even though I wanted to run away and break down, I held it together. He was with some other dude, and, after I asked, he confirmed that guy is his new boyfriend. He also--unfairly in my opinion--told me that he misses me and would really like to be friends. I went home shortly thereafter, but it's been on my mind since. I get that it's been a long time, and that he should be dating, but it just made me feel really sad. I'm really nervous that this is a big setback, but is it? Maybe I'll get over this in a few days? I don't know if anyone else has experience with this, but I'd appreciate some advice if you do. Thanks. 1
Mrlonelyone Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 It may or may not be a big setback. It all depends on what happens to you today. For my part, I think of ex's sometimes randomly years after the fact and I regret loosing their good qualities. Then I remember their bad qualities. The only time this is not true for me is when I just met someone new and I'm all consumed by my feelings for them.
strive Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yes it is a setback. You're also probably still shocked because it was all so unexpected. But don't worry, you'll bounce back faster from this because you've done most of your healing during NC (compared to those who never go NC). I think this is also good for you in some ways. From what you wrote it looks like you still have lingering feelings for your ex even though you broke up 2012 and have gone NC since Feb last year. For a lot of people, seeing/knowing their exes have moved on is like the final nail in the coffin and allowed them to completely move on themselves. So it's okay to feel a bit sad, but afterwards when you've finally accepted it, you'll also feel emotional freedom. At least that's how it was for me. Stay strong. Your setback will pass easily. 2
Author somewanderersarelost Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Thank you. That makes me feel much better, and it also makes a lot of sense. This is why I love these forums. It's a great community, and people really care to help others. 2
Shashasha Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 be strong - hang in there! Its normal to feel this way - you are probably a little shocked and a little upset - but keep up with the NC, try to focus on yourself and please try to move on- he has and you don't waste your life over someone who has moved on. Take care! xx
Author somewanderersarelost Posted January 16, 2014 Author Posted January 16, 2014 Thanks everyone. My ex actually sent me an email on Monday, saying how much he misses me and misses hanging out with me. He really wants to start a friendship, but I'm very wary of doing so. I feel like I would just be sad all the time, and what kind of friendship is that? Right? I haven't written back yet, but I think I am going to reply that I'm just not ready. Does that make sense?
organizedchaos Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 Thanks everyone. My ex actually sent me an email on Monday, saying how much he misses me and misses hanging out with me. He really wants to start a friendship, but I'm very wary of doing so. I feel like I would just be sad all the time, and what kind of friendship is that? Right? I haven't written back yet, but I think I am going to reply that I'm just not ready. Does that make sense? You could ask why he wants this.
strive Posted January 16, 2014 Posted January 16, 2014 You're right, it won't be a good kind of friendship for you right now. You can email him back and say you can't be his friend and hopefully he will respect that. Or just completely ignore it and maybe he'll take the hint. Keep us updated. We're always just here if you need to vent.
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