itscoldoutside Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I'm in my early 20s. She's of the same age. We met a couple of years back when I was still studying. That was my first relationship in my life. She asked me out first and we were togather ever since. She had a dark past. It turned out that her first boyfriend broke up with her in a pretty bad way because he lost interest in her and she was devastated. This happened much earlier before we even met so by the time I meet her she lacked self-confidence and had almost negligible self-esteem. Over the past few years I healed her scars, tried to make her happy and kept her satisfied in every way she wanted. In the end, I transformed her into a person who respected herself more and was mostly happy all the time. A few occations we would argue but I would almost die from regrets afterwards if I ever made her cry. She had a very childlike personality sometimes so I enjoyed her company. She was very endearing to me and mostly it was a fun and happy time for both of us. I'm a lonely guy and have very few friends. She's the only person I shared my pains and pleasures with. She helped me get better grades at university. She assisted me in getting my first job. She changed a socially awkward fellow like me into someone who gets along with society better than he ever was. I'm grateful to her for so many things. She often fantasized about us marrying one day and I'd join in and share my dreams about taking her to places she's never been to. We planned to grow old togather. She became a part of my everyday life and I fell in love way too much with her over the last two years. Only recently, she grew cold and emotionless for most part and said stuffs like "you will regret dating me" and "you should find a better partner" and "I'm just not worthy anymore". At first she would hesitate but my fears were correct when she revealed (after much pursuation) that her ex is back as just a friend and has apparently "reformed". But her problem is that she is unsure of her feelings for me as she claims to have discovered some leftover feelings for her ex. She was suffering from immense regret of having broken her faithfulness to me (although I found nothing so far that implied she actually cheated on me, if you do not count that "having feelings" part) so I did the only thing I thought I should do as her man and said that it was alright and I had forgiven her since she is having regrets. She was surprised because I had forgiven her. I did not want to watch her suffer out of guilt to be honest. I just want her to be happy. And I really did forgive her. But she said that she wants time to figuire it out and wants to miss me and realize my importance in her life on her own. I understood that one simply does not forget their first love entirely and decided to give her some time. And so, personally I don't think I stand a chance against her "first love" but I dare to hope as it would hurt terribly if she does break up with me. I will have almost nobody there for me and I dont think I can keep seeing her as friends afterwards as it would only double the pain. I want to see her reach a conclusion and be happy in her life, whoever she picks. But mine is being torn apart slowly. And that feeling of an approaching breakup haunts me every night and I cannot sleep well anymore. What should I do?
David87 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 (edited) I'm in my early 20s. She's of the same age. We met a couple of years back when I was still studying. That was my first relationship in my life. She asked me out first and we were togather ever since. She had a dark past. It turned out that her first boyfriend broke up with her in a pretty bad way because he lost interest in her and she was devastated. This happened much earlier before we even met so by the time I meet her she lacked self-confidence and had almost negligible self-esteem. Over the past few years I healed her scars, tried to make her happy and kept her satisfied in every way she wanted. In the end, I transformed her into a person who respected herself more and was mostly happy all the time. A few occations we would argue but I would almost die from regrets afterwards if I ever made her cry. She had a very childlike personality sometimes so I enjoyed her company. She was very endearing to me and mostly it was a fun and happy time for both of us. I'm a lonely guy and have very few friends. She's the only person I shared my pains and pleasures with. She helped me get better grades at university. She assisted me in getting my first job. She changed a socially awkward fellow like me into someone who gets along with society better than he ever was. I'm grateful to her for so many things. She often fantasized about us marrying one day and I'd join in and share my dreams about taking her to places she's never been to. We planned to grow old togather. She became a part of my everyday life and I fell in love way too much with her over the last two years. Only recently, she grew cold and emotionless for most part and said stuffs like "you will regret dating me" and "you should find a better partner" and "I'm just not worthy anymore". At first she would hesitate but my fears were correct when she revealed (after much pursuation) that her ex is back as just a friend and has apparently "reformed". But her problem is that she is unsure of her feelings for me as she claims to have discovered some leftover feelings for her ex. She was suffering from immense regret of having broken her faithfulness to me (although I found nothing so far that implied she actually cheated on me, if you do not count that "having feelings" part) so I did the only thing I thought I should do as her man and said that it was alright and I had forgiven her since she is having regrets. She was surprised because I had forgiven her. I did not want to watch her suffer out of guilt to be honest. I just want her to be happy. And I really did forgive her. But she said that she wants time to figuire it out and wants to miss me and realize my importance in her life on her own. I understood that one simply does not forget their first love entirely and decided to give her some time. And so, personally I don't think I stand a chance against her "first love" but I dare to hope as it would hurt terribly if she does break up with me. I will have almost nobody there for me and I dont think I can keep seeing her as friends afterwards as it would only double the pain. I want to see her reach a conclusion and be happy in her life, whoever she picks. But mine is being torn apart slowly. And that feeling of an approaching breakup haunts me every night and I cannot sleep well anymore. What should I do? You should be with someone who doesn't have to choose between two persons. We all know that her ex is a bad person and she will hurt again in the future, but there's nothing you can do but let her learn form mistakes. I know it's hard but you deserve better. Edited January 13, 2014 by David87
Haydn Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 No contact today. She wants to have her cake and eat it. She is testing out the other guy. If its no good you are on standby. Dont be.
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I agree. Spidey senses are going off and it's telling me that abusive Ex is back in the picture. Something happened that made her flip a switch on you THAT QUICKLY! She probably met up with him and things happened. Sucks, because you put in the time and effort to help fix a broken woman only to get the shaft in the end. Go NC, time to heal from this and move on.
bubbaganoosh Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Back off and pull away. let her know that in a relationship there's two people not three and if she wants the guy then let her go and get on with your life. Your girlfriend is riding the fence and weighing her choices at your expenses. You should tell her that "yeah your right and I'm starting to regret dating you because your using me and I deserve better so good luck in the future with the reformed old boyfriend" Now she can't ride the fence any longer because you took the fence away and now reality is front and center. If she chooses you over this guy, you better make damn sure that she earns her way back in because your the fall back guy. You can't allow yourself to be put in that kind of a position because if your hurting now, it's going to get worse. Let her no real fast that you won't play second fiddle to her or anyone else and mean it. 1
CelticGibson Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Run away as fast as you can. Broken dolls are not worth the emotional carnage they can so often wield in your direction. She has a lot of baggage that no amount of love and attention will help fix. That's up to her to sort out, not for you. Stand your ground. Tell her that you won't put up with being some rebound guy or some second choice and that you want to find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
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