Confuddled1983 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 On Saturday night I went out. I bumped into a MM who is close to my ex partner. I don't know him very well and assumed that X had made me out to be an awful person and that MM would hate me. However he offered me a drink and said he knows me and X hate each other but there's no reason why we had to be awkward with each other. I thought that was quite a nice gesture. As he is a MM I've never ever looked at him in anyway other than just someone my X knows. At the end of the night MM stopped for a chat while I was sat with a friend, I mentioned getting a taxi and asked where he lived and as it wasn't too far from me I suggest us all getting a taxi, dropping off my friend, then me and then MM - it just made sense. We dropped my friend off and got to mine and he asked if he could come in for a cup of tea - now this is where I "know" I should have said "Hey best not, people might get the wrong idea". In my drunken mind though there was genuinely nothing in it at all and there was something serious I had to talk to him about with regards to my X and I felt I'd never have an opportunity to talk with him about this again, the pub wasn't the appropriate place. He comes in, has a cup of tea and we sit down and start talking. Then I don't remember what happened, I think he'd got up to leave and went to see him to the door - we kind of had an awkward goodbye hug that led to us kissing. His hands started to wander and I pulled back - I said "I can't do this, I've had this done to me and it's just horrible, I don't want to do this to someone else - you'll have to leave". I then pretty much shoved him out the door. Next morning I felt awful but now I cannot get that kiss out my head, I can't get him out of my head. I've never even considered him in that way before simply because he's a MM and immediately to me they are off limits. Just since that kiss ... I feel guilty just thinking about him. I'm telling myself it was a one off, I'm sure he regrets it, I know it can't happen again - but I just can't get him out of my head and whilst it's kind of nice having a crush I find it dangerous for me to be thinking about him so much, just because I don't want to flirt with him or act differently around him if I bump into him. I never want him to know that I like him because I don't want it happening again - if he wasn't married I've no doubt where things would have led to after that kiss, the chemistry was explosive and whilst I don't make a habit of jumping into bed with people it just felt ... I don't know. I know if something started it would all end badly. I don't want to do that to his W, to me or him. I just need to know how to get him out of my head? Any tips? Advice? Should I mention it next time I see him and say it was a mistake or just never ever mention it?
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 The desire to be understood, appreciated and loved is present in every single human being. You are not exempt. He demonstrated a desire to have sex with you. That was a wrong expression, and would have left you feeling far from any of the above traits. It would have left you feeling 1000 times worse than you did on the doorstep. You did the right thing because to be honest with you? He was hitting on someone vulnerable, for what he could get. And I bet you this idea, this notion, this germ of a plan, began to develop in his mind, at the bar. I think he thought you'd be easy pickings. Dwell on that snippet, and hopefully, his image will transform in your head. 2
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 FWIW, just to add.... Many years ago, (MANY years ago!) I was involved with a man who was sentenced to a stint in jail. The same day he was sentenced, later in the afternoon, I was called upon by not one, but two of his so-called friends, both of whom made it very clear (even though they tried desperately to act otherwise) that what they actually wanted, was not to give comfort to a lady whose partner had just been incarcerated, but to have an easy screw with a vulnerable woman who would obviously be desperate for it. That's the premise I think this MM was acting upon. I could be wrong, but it happens. 2
Author Confuddled1983 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 FWIW, just to add.... Many years ago, (MANY years ago!) I was involved with a man who was sentenced to a stint in jail. The same day he was sentenced, later in the afternoon, I was called upon by not one, but two of his so-called friends, both of whom made it very clear (even though they tried desperately to act otherwise) that what they actually wanted, was not to give comfort to a lady whose partner had just been incarcerated, but to have an easy screw with a vulnerable woman who would obviously be desperate for it. That's the premise I think this MM was acting upon. I could be wrong, but it happens. I would normally think this to be the case, but I've a feeling he came to me for information about my X. MM is Xs boss. X has been stealing from MM. MM knew I knew something and wanted to tell him but didn't know what. I never said because I believed everyone would think I was lying and stirring the pot just because me and X don't get along but I know too much for it to be lies and MM knows this. Obviously if anyone ever found out we kissed it would have devastating effects on everyones lives I think. Why did he risk it? it's certainly more of a risk to him than if he kissed a stranger. In my head I kind of "know" he's in probably in a rut at home, things have gone a bit stale and he was looking for a bit of excitement in an otherwise dull life - I'm not slating their marriage, they probably love each other very much but life does get boring and monotonous for everyone sometimes. Still, I can't understand why he risked it, I could easily get into a big argument with X and throw it in his face that I kissed his boss - I NEVER would but MM doesn't know this so it's a huge risk to take. Part of me hates MM for kissing me, it was wrong, I was wrong and makes me feel icky. Yet another part of me craves for another kiss!! (I know, I feel awful). I think I just need to focus on the awfulness of it all and try not to get swept away in childish daydreaming.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 So, possibly, there was still an ulterior motive..... But you're right. His action was reckless, tactless, insensitive and completely thoughtless. MAYBE he DID get caught up in the moment. MAYBE he DOES have a dysfunctional, unhappy, malcontent life at home. Maybe he's just bored with it, and wanted to get a swift kick out of it. Frankly, he was an idiot. And it's not your concern what the why's wherefores, hows and because's of his actions. You did the right thing, got off well, and sent him off properly. I hope, for you, that you find the right guy to get a kiss from soon.... 1
Author Confuddled1983 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 I hope, for you, that you find the right guy to get a kiss from soon.... I completely swore off men after my X (we have a young child) - I just want to concentrate on being a mum, I think that's why the kiss just took me completely off guard and I suppose being a single mum to a young child who basically has little interaction with adults on a day to day basis it's only natural for me to fantasise about another life, which is normally fine - just when those fantasies start involving someone I know, a MM at that .. it just worries me and I think I need to nip it in the bud. I'm just so thankful that I wasn't so drunk that I took it further - I think I'm best considering it a lucky escape! Thanks for your insight into it.
TaraMaiden Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I know what you mean about bringing a child up... there's only so much of an intellectual conversation you can have about Rolie Polie Olie and Peppa Pig....! single mums have needs too, ya know..... hang in there. 1
Speakingofwhich Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 If he had alcohol, too, it probably influenced him to do something he may not have done otherwise. So glad for you that you pulled back after the kiss. With time you'll get over the rush of it. You've saved yourself a great deal of heartache by not becoming involved with an MM. I hope he doesn't contact you again but if he does, stick to your guns and save yourself a lot of pain. 1
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