swordsmen121 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 This single mother I've been dating. She told me she has had bad experiences with men in the past and wants to take things slowly. Which I understand. Like I get a good sense who she is and where shes coming from. (The autobiography stuff when we first meet people). We've been talking for two weeks now daily and I feel like I would like to ask her more personal stuff about her life so things can move forward. Examples include: So what do you want out of life?How has your daughter made you a better person?Why she used to see a therapist? (I see one too and I told her my reasons)I can't tell you where I live because I don't know you well? (she meets up with me) She replied back saying these questions are too personal and she won't answer them till she gets to know me better? We have our third date this week. The first two dates I paid for completely and she hasn't even offered to pay once yet. We had a good time and I kissed her on the second date too. I'm not sure why but I feel like I'm getting the bad vibes already. Am I getting played here? Why isn't she opening up? I've just been as honest and sincere with her as possible.
Lady2163 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I don't know that you are getting played...yet. What about saying, "how about we go Ducth tonight?" How has your daughter made you a better person? This seems like an odd question to me. I don't have biological children, so maybe a single parent would have a different opinion. How has motherhood changed you? Do,you have any short term or long term goals? What are they? Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? By talking, you mean actual talking, not texting, email or IM, right? I think you might be disclosing too much, too soon.
nescafe1982 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I think you might be disclosing too much, too soon. This. Also, I don't think all your questions are too personal, but asking why she's in therapy is way too intimate for now. Different people have different ideas of what is appropriate to discuss early on. She's likely just a little more private than you are... you don't strike me as private or guarded at all. I'd try to remember than not everyone is going to be an open book like you. 1
Author swordsmen121 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 I don't know that you are getting played...yet. What about saying, "how about we go Ducth tonight?" How has your daughter made you a better person? This seems like an odd question to me. I don't have biological children, so maybe a single parent would have a different opinion. How has motherhood changed you? Do,you have any short term or long term goals? What are they? Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years? By talking, you mean actual talking, not texting, email or IM, right? I think you might be disclosing too much, too soon. Well we talk on the phone almost every night. It's been about two weeks. We went out on two dates as mentioned already. See those are good questions and everything. But I feel like if I ask her those questions shes going to say that its too personal and she will hesitate to answer those questions.
Lady2163 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 If she can't answer, "Where do you see yourself in 5 or 10 years" even in some general terms, then she might just be playing hard to get. Of course, "I don't know" is an answer. A bad one, but still an answer.
Author swordsmen121 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 This. Also, I don't think all your questions are too personal, but asking why she's in therapy is way too intimate for now. Different people have different ideas of what is appropriate to discuss early on. She's likely just a little more private than you are... you don't strike me as private or guarded at all. I'd try to remember than not everyone is going to be an open book like you. I see that you're on the right track. The fundamental difference between us so far is that she is a bit private and I'm not. With that being said how can I deal with someone who is private?
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 There's no way, after 2 weeks of knowing someone, I would tell them about the therapy that I have been in and the depression and anxiety that I have been treated for. No. Way. 1
nescafe1982 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I see that you're on the right track. The fundamental difference between us so far is that she is a bit private and I'm not. With that being said how can I deal with someone who is private? I think this goes to compatibility. You two will have to find a modus operandi that both you you can work with, basically. You can't force compatibility, though. So i think maybe you need to ask yourself, honestly, if you can live with her tentativeness without pushing her too hard. Can you learn a new way to relate, basically. I'm like you, fwiw. And I've dated guys who are very private, too. Edit to add: Also consider how much of this is about protecting her kid (not wanting to tell you where she lives, for example).
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