lyeex Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My ex and i broke up about 3 months ago (he broke up with me). We still saw eachother occasionally and still had sex. We talked about getting back together but i decided that i no longer wanted him back. He was not affectionate towards me in the least, never told me he loved me after 4 years, never did anything for me (i always did things for him) and the list goes on. I spent most of the 4 years with him crying and we'd constantly argue and break up. In short, i was unhappy and didnt trust him. I met a great guy that i've been seeing now for about a week (we knew eachother from work and flirted occasionally for the past 6 months). I no longer want to reconcile with my ex and he sees that i'm drifting away and has been asking if i'm seeing someone else. I told him i wasn't because i dont want to hurt him. He does seem upset that i'm moving on and have not been initiating contacting with him anymore (although i do talk to him as a friend when he texts me). The new guy is everything that I've been wanting and very affectionate. Things are going good for us so far although it is too early to tell. Why do i feel guilty for seeing the new guy? I dont want to hurt my ex and i know that when he finds out, he'll be upset. I feel a little empty inside because i do miss my ex even though i dont want him back. The relationship was horrible, but i miss the good times. How can i stop feeling bad for dating someone new?
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You aren't over your EX & you are not ready. 1
2fargone Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I don't think it's a matter of being ready or not. But if he asks you, just be honest and tell him you are seeing someone. Basicly you are guilty... Of lying. Honesty is so hard to find these days...
JDPT Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You owe your ex absolutely nothing. Internalize the fact that the relationship is over and you are free and clear to do as you please. It appears that aren't quiet ready to start dating. Take things slow and try not to rush into things. Take your time and focus on yourself. 4
Sugarkane Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Why did you lie about the new guy? After all he's the one that broke up with you. I would've told him the truth. 1
lop98 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yes, you are ready. It is bitter and hard regardless of who breaks who, but we all have to work on making the best out of it and it doesn't stop you from being able to develop feelings for someone else and nurture that constantly as you go along, even when we've been shattered it's amazing the capacity of love humans beings can have. You will feel guilty at first but it goes away, you still feel some responsibility for your previous relationship, but in reality that's just a shadow, because it's over and part of the past now, what you or your ex assimilate from the experience is up to each of you and your decisions after the relationship have nothing to do with one another because your paths are separate now. Best of luck! 1
Author lyeex Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 I lied to him about seeing someone else because i dont want him to know, i think itd be better if we just went our separate ways without knowing if were seeing other people or not. He's on a dating site so i know he's not waiting around but i dont think he expected me to find someone else so quickly and will try to make me feel even more guilty for it. I guess part of me questions whether or not it was the right thing to move on, that things could change in my old relationship (although deep down i know things will never change and that id continue to be unhappy if i were to go back to him). It's very confusing to me but at the same time the new guy makes me happy. I also fear that if things dont work out with the new guy i'll regret not trying again with my ex even though i know i'd be happier in the long run without him.
Author lyeex Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Also, my ex was my first and only serious relationship. I'm 22 years old and have never been through a breakup before, so that might have something to do with it?
mammasita Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 He broke up with you and you stayed in contact and continued to have sex and be "friends" - mistake #1 There are no more mistakes.
Author lyeex Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 He broke up with you and you stayed in contact and continued to have sex and be "friends" - mistake #1 There are no more mistakes. Yes, i suppose i shouldnt have stayed in contact with him but at the time i did want to get back together with him (which we were talking about), but i no longer want to, so i have stopped contacting him. Just confused why i feel a little guilty for giving up on him after all this time when i know it would never work out and that he most likely didnt even love me after how he treated me the entire relationship (i wont get into details, but he did a lot of horrible things to me including breaking my nose, killed my dog, infidelity, owes me a lot of money). I was very naive when i met him and let him take advantage of me. I feel like he only liked to control me and keep me around because i used to bend over backwards for him.
Fufu Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My ex and i broke up about 3 months ago (he broke up with me). We still saw eachother occasionally and still had sex. We talked about getting back together but i decided that i no longer wanted him back. He was not affectionate towards me in the least, never told me he loved me after 4 years, never did anything for me (i always did things for him) and the list goes on. I spent most of the 4 years with him crying and we'd constantly argue and break up. In short, i was unhappy and didnt trust him. I met a great guy that i've been seeing now for about a week (we knew eachother from work and flirted occasionally for the past 6 months). I no longer want to reconcile with my ex and he sees that i'm drifting away and has been asking if i'm seeing someone else. I told him i wasn't because i dont want to hurt him. He does seem upset that i'm moving on and have not been initiating contacting with him anymore (although i do talk to him as a friend when he texts me). The new guy is everything that I've been wanting and very affectionate. Things are going good for us so far although it is too early to tell. Why do i feel guilty for seeing the new guy? I dont want to hurt my ex and i know that when he finds out, he'll be upset. I feel a little empty inside because i do miss my ex even though i dont want him back. The relationship was horrible, but i miss the good times. How can i stop feeling bad for dating someone new? You have to be fair to the new guy. If you are serious in dating him, free your mind from your ex. If you still think of your ex, you need to either start thinking right by focusing on your new relationship, or take a step back in relationship. You dating a new guy has completely nothing to do with your ex, so why bother if he is upset? What past was past, good times were over. 2
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You're not going to like what I'm about to say, but....you're a frickin hot mess! You're stringing your Ex along because, even though you don't want to be with him, you don't want him completely out of your life either. How is that fair to him. If you don't agree, then why would you lie to him about this other guy? It's because you're selfishly holding onto a guy you don't want anymore. And how is it fair to this new guy. If he was privy to the conversation that you had with your Ex and he asked you if you were seeing anyone else and you said NO! How would the new guy feel? Here's my advice and I do hope you consider it! Drop both of them! Stop seeing both of them and HEAL PROPERLY! You never got over your Ex. You even became FWB. That's not fair to the new guy. He deserves a girl that is 100% committed to him and you are not there. You know what? It's okay to be single for a while! It's okay to learn to heal from this so when you do enter into a new relationship, then you can experience all the thrills that are involved with discovering a new and exciting man in your life. All you're experiencing right now is guilt. 3
Mariposa10 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 This is really good advice! You're not going to like what I'm about to say, but....you're a frickin hot mess! You're stringing your Ex along because, even though you don't want to be with him, you don't want him completely out of your life either. How is that fair to him. If you don't agree, then why would you lie to him about this other guy? It's because you're selfishly holding onto a guy you don't want anymore. And how is it fair to this new guy. If he was privy to the conversation that you had with your Ex and he asked you if you were seeing anyone else and you said NO! How would the new guy feel? Here's my advice and I do hope you consider it! Drop both of them! Stop seeing both of them and HEAL PROPERLY! You never got over your Ex. You even became FWB. That's not fair to the new guy. He deserves a girl that is 100% committed to him and you are not there. You know what? It's okay to be single for a while! It's okay to learn to heal from this so when you do enter into a new relationship, then you can experience all the thrills that are involved with discovering a new and exciting man in your life. All you're experiencing right now is guilt.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I don't think the new one is the right one x I saw someone for about a month & felt the same way but I don't feel like that with my new fella x if he had really grabbed your attention then I don't think u would feel like that x
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