wildsunandmoon Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Why does my ex-boyfriend feel the need to sh*t talk me to his friends when I've done nothing wrong to antagonize him? We didn't have a nasty fight at all when things ended and yet he would say insulting things about me. He also over exaggerated my behavior and fabricated untrue accounts about my behavior. On top of that, the real kicker is that he thinks I started a hate-campaign against him by turning our mutual friends away from him when I personally told him to remain friends with them because he needs good people in his life. I also don't know where he came up with the idea that intercepted his chances with this girl that we mutually know by purposely becoming friends with her so that he can't make any moves. It's ridiculous! It's also paranoia at work here because in order for him to think I devised this plot to ruin his chance with this girl, there must be an underlying and conscious feeling of guilt in choosing to pursue this girl. Especially since he knew that I was aware of his attraction to her during our relationship. Am I right in thinking this? Seriously, what's the logic behind all this falsified **** talk?
mantlefan Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I think it probably makes it easier for him to get over you. It's not like he hated everything about you when you were together, there are probably at least a few things he misses, and if he badmouths you, those start to fade away.
im_thedude Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 It's a coping mechanism. Just like the dumpee needs to knock their former SO off a pedestal to help get over them, the dumper focuses on the negatives (and even exaggerates them) to help validate their decision to break up. 1
Author wildsunandmoon Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 I think it probably makes it easier for him to get over you. It's not like he hated everything about you when you were together, there are probably at least a few things he misses, and if he badmouths you, those start to fade away. Does that really work though? I've written down a litany of things he did that irritated me to help remind me why I'm better off without him. Despite going to those lengths to cause good memories to fade away, I am constantly reminded. It's tough.
Author wildsunandmoon Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 It's a coping mechanism. Just like the dumpee needs to knock their former SO off a pedestal to help get over them, the dumper focuses on the negatives (and even exaggerates them) to help validate their decision to break up. This is valid. It makes sense. 1
mantlefan Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Does that really work though? I've written down a litany of things he did that irritated me to help remind me why I'm better off without him. Despite going to those lengths to cause good memories to fade away, I am constantly reminded. It's tough. I don't know. I wrote a list of things I didn't like about my ex after she dumped me. I didn't feel right to do that without the good list too. The good one was twice as long. Oh well. 2
Eau Claire Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Why does my ex-boyfriend feel the need to sh*t talk me to his friends when I've done nothing wrong to antagonize him? We didn't have a nasty fight at all when things ended and yet he would say insulting things about me. He also over exaggerated my behavior and fabricated untrue accounts about my behavior. On top of that, the real kicker is that he thinks I started a hate-campaign against him by turning our mutual friends away from him when I personally told him to remain friends with them because he needs good people in his life. I also don't know where he came up with the idea that intercepted his chances with this girl that we mutually know by purposely becoming friends with her so that he can't make any moves. It's ridiculous! It's also paranoia at work here because in order for him to think I devised this plot to ruin his chance with this girl, there must be an underlying and conscious feeling of guilt in choosing to pursue this girl. Especially since he knew that I was aware of his attraction to her during our relationship. Am I right in thinking this? Seriously, what's the logic behind all this falsified **** talk? Why are you talking sh*t about your ex? Let it go. If you have mutual friends, then they know you. I never worry what someone at work, etc. says about me...'if'...the person hearing it knows both me and the person doing the complaining. I supervise 16 nurses and aids on my ward...when someone is complaining about another staff member , I listen politely but often think...'hmmm?. Keep digging, you are only making yourself look bad'.
LostConfused123 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I don't know. I wrote a list of things I didn't like about my ex after she dumped me. I didn't feel right to do that without the good list too. The good one was twice as long. Oh well. Mine too! Don't you hate that!
Author wildsunandmoon Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Why are you talking sh*t about your ex? Let it go. If you have mutual friends, then they know you. I never worry what someone at work, etc. says about me...'if'...the person hearing it knows both me and the person doing the complaining. I supervise 16 nurses and aids on my ward...when someone is complaining about another staff member , I listen politely but often think...'hmmm?. Keep digging, you are only making yourself look bad'. But it's not sh*t talking because I haven't said anything that was demoralizing his character.
Author wildsunandmoon Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 I don't know. I wrote a list of things I didn't like about my ex after she dumped me. I didn't feel right to do that without the good list too. The good one was twice as long. Oh well. Yeah I guess that's what I trying to get at. Even though I try to be aware of the awful things he's done, I can't help but remember how great it was in the beginning.
mantlefan Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yeah I guess that's what I trying to get at. Even though I try to be aware of the awful things he's done, I can't help but remember how great it was in the beginning. For me, I can't help but remember how great it was for 4 years and 10 months of a 5 year RS
haribogumsnickers Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Your ex is talking smack because you didn't give him a severance pop. He's a tool and can't move on like normal people. Do your thing.
flitzanu Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Why does my ex-boyfriend feel the need to sh*t talk me to his friends when I've done nothing wrong to antagonize him? We didn't have a nasty fight at all when things ended and yet he would say insulting things about me. He also over exaggerated my behavior and fabricated untrue accounts about my behavior. On top of that, the real kicker is that he thinks I started a hate-campaign against him by turning our mutual friends away from him when I personally told him to remain friends with them because he needs good people in his life. I also don't know where he came up with the idea that intercepted his chances with this girl that we mutually know by purposely becoming friends with her so that he can't make any moves. It's ridiculous! It's also paranoia at work here because in order for him to think I devised this plot to ruin his chance with this girl, there must be an underlying and conscious feeling of guilt in choosing to pursue this girl. Especially since he knew that I was aware of his attraction to her during our relationship. Am I right in thinking this? Seriously, what's the logic behind all this falsified **** talk? you seem extremely interested and up to date with his life and actions considering you're not together anymore. if you stopped associating with all the drama and didn't know anything about his life right now, you wouldn't have to worry about what he's saying. 1
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