jane1186 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I briefly dated this guy who I thought was amazing but after a month things quickly went downhill. He started to change & treating very poorly. I've never met anyone who treated me like that. Basically, he seemed very inconsiderate towards me. For example, I would drive almost an hour to see him and he would only give me like 30-1hr of his time, if I was lucky maybe a couple of hours. Not only that but I had to wait a while for him show up at our meeting place at the time we agreed on. He rarely took me out. My texts would usually get ignored. When he called me, it was only for a few mins. Then he said he would call later at night and never did. It wasn't about the call, I just felt like his word meant nothing. I tried to break up with him multiple times but he would get emotional, cry and assured me this time would be different over and over. Things changed for a day and then he went back to barely making an effort. Every single time I would want to end things, he insisted that I should give him another chance to fix things. But he did the opposite every single time! I just didn't get it at all. Why not just let me go and find someone who would appreciate me. It was just ridiculous. After realizing this I told him things should definitely end because it was just ridiculous. He then insisted we should at least be friends. I told him no I need time to heal but he insisted trying out a friendship. I agreed but the last straw was when he asked me to do something for New Years but then didn't reply. I got tired of being ignored and left hanging. Its like the saying why make someone a priority when you're only an option. I wrote him an email telling him I deleted his number because I need to recover from the heartbreak and wishing him well. He responded by calling me multiple times. I didnt return any of his calls. Until after a week and a half I picked up. He told me that he just wanted to meet up for ten mins to give me my birthday present that he never gave me. He's been having it for a while supposedly. My birthday was almost three months ago, I told him it was fine and he didn't have to worry about it. He says he feels bad because he bought it for me yada yada to atleast meet him so he can give me that and then he'll disappear out of my life. Honestly, I think I'm completely over him. I'm not heartbroken anymore. Yes it hurt like hell despite how he treated me but only for like a few days. But after one week and speaking to him, I realized I no longer have those romantic feelings for him. I'm over it!!!! This fast?!?!?!?! I always try to be kind to other people and hate holding on to negative feelings. I'm very forgiving. I think I was rude to him when he called due to being a little bitter for how I got treated. I felt kind bad but I just don't think I can do anything to fix this "friendship" either. I'm not a doormat. He wouldn't even make a good friend. I just don't know why he kept contacting me or why would he still want to be in my life when obviously I'm that unimportant. Actions speak louder than words. I hate being rude or hurtful but I don't even know what to say anymore. Any suggestions? Thanks!
whichwayisup Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 This guy treated you like crap! You said: I briefly dated this guy who I thought was amazing but after a month things quickly went downhill. He started to change & treating very poorly. I've never met anyone who treated me like that. Basically, he seemed very inconsiderate towards me. WHY on earth would you even consider him after how he's treated you? Cut him off. You don't owe him anything. Not friendship, nothing. Ignore him or tell him to respect your decision and not contact you again. I get that you don't like hurting people's feelings, I'm like this as well, but - There HAS to be a point in time when you stand up for yourself and cut manipulative, or mean people out of your life. Trust me, you will not hurt his feelings, he's playing you and if anything, he'll have an ego hurt (which is NOT the same as heart hurt). 1
nescafe1982 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 He doesn't sound emotionally mature enough to be friends with an ex. It takes a lot to be friends with exes. I don't do it, personally. For me, it always hurt too much. I think we all have to make the decision for ourselves whether we can handle being friends after dating. But look at this guy's actions: 1) He treated you like crap when you were dating. 2) Furthermore, he was volatile. He changed radically within a month of dating... that's pretty fast to go from one extreme to the other. He doesn't sound like a stable, mature person. 3) You tried to break up with him, and he didn't handle it maturely. He manipulated you to change your mind. That shows immaturity and self-centeredness. 4) When you did break up, you told him you needed space (a reasonable thing). He ignored your needs and demanded you be friends with him right this minute. Again, he comes off as emotionally immature and not capable of caring about your needs. 5) He lives really far away. Really, all practicalities aside, keeping this person in your social loop will require a lot of effort. And what are you getting out of it? He's not attuned to your needs and sounds like he wants to use you for some kind of emotional fulfillment. All of these point to your ex just not being mature enough to handle a post-breakup friendship. He doesn't particularly sound like he's in a place to offer you much as a friend at all, actually. It may suck to do so, but you might have to suck it up, tell him you want space, and let him think you're the bad guy if that what it takes. I wouldn't keep someone like this in my social circle, personally. 1
preraph Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 You'd be right to just cut ties altogether. He sounds like someone who will treat you as badly as you will let him. Who needs that in a friend?? He's feeling sorry for himself but has very little empathy for others, so that's a red flag. Dump him. Dump him good! 1
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