TheBestThusFar Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 We've been broken up for about 3 weeks.We were together for almost a year and before that friends for like 7 years. During our relationship i added him on to my phone plan and at first he paid his part and then he stopped and i ended up just paying the whole bill by myself every month. I never complained. I only asked that he not talk to his female friends or ex girlfriends from the phone because it made me feel disrespected. When we broke up i let him keep using the phone because i know he uses the phone for work and i still have until 2015 in the contract. I still told him that I didn't want him talking to females from my phone and that if he was gon still communicate with them then he could use his house phone or even texting/calling apps. Well yesterday we were together and I was trying to fix something on the phone and he gets a text message "Wake yo ass up <3 <3 :)" (Yeah thats heart heart smiley face) Anyways it was from one of the females that caused problems in our relationship and i flipped the **** out. I turned the service off and i asked him to give me my phone back. I know we're not together but i pay for the bill every month and its my phone he's using too. He says I'm trying to control him and give him rules to follow but thats not true. It hurts my feelings and i feel that its disrespectful for him to communicate with females from a phone i pay for. I know I cant control him but if he wants to carry on marathon convos with these whores then he should get his own phone. We've been through this more than once and I've told him how it makes me feel but he doesn't get it. He just sees it as me trying to control him. He is trying to guilt trip me by saying i'm f**king up his livelihood and his money by suspending the service. Was I wrong to turn off the service and take my phone back? Did I overact?? I dont think so I just need an outsiders perspective. THANKS IN ADVANCE
mantlefan Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 If you're the one paying, it's fair for you to set conditions. But both of you should realize that for both of you, a condition where he can't talk to other girls/women is ludicrous. You should not be that involved in each other's lives. In fact, uninvolved as much as possible.
Author TheBestThusFar Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I wasnt asking him to NEVER talk to females just to not talk to them from the phone that I pay for. I dont think thats too much to ask. He has a house phone and there are plenty of messaging apps that he can use. I just dont wanna see his 3000-4000 messages or all these long ass conversations on my bill every month. I still love him and that hurts me.
Survivor12 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 No, actually, the truth is you were controlling him by 1) allowing him to continue using the phone after breaking his agreement to pay the bill to keep him connected to you & 2) telling him who he could and couldn't call. Not contacting other women is a relationship issue, but you were using the phone as a way to keep him in line. Giving it back to him now would be no different. Don't back down. He's a user. You are broken up. He's seeing other women. Walk away.
kjackson1 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 This seems controlling to me IMO. Did you really think he would abide by your terms? I'd stop paying the bill for him he isn't a kid, he can pay his own way.
legion113 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 No you wren't wrong to take your phone back and cut off the service. you should have done that from the get go. What a loser, can't even afford his own phone? Trying to control him? I would have told him "You're right that's wrong, so get your own phone and service so I can't 'control you'!" If he can't afford a phone and service, he doesn't have a "livelihood" or "money". Tell him to move back into his mother's basement and figure something out. Geeeeezzzz.....This guy shouldn't be allowed to breed. We've been broken up for about 3 weeks.We were together for almost a year and before that friends for like 7 years. During our relationship i added him on to my phone plan and at first he paid his part and then he stopped and i ended up just paying the whole bill by myself every month. I never complained. I only asked that he not talk to his female friends or ex girlfriends from the phone because it made me feel disrespected. When we broke up i let him keep using the phone because i know he uses the phone for work and i still have until 2015 in the contract. I still told him that I didn't want him talking to females from my phone and that if he was gon still communicate with them then he could use his house phone or even texting/calling apps. Well yesterday we were together and I was trying to fix something on the phone and he gets a text message "Wake yo ass up <3 <3 :)" (Yeah thats heart heart smiley face) Anyways it was from one of the females that caused problems in our relationship and i flipped the **** out. I turned the service off and i asked him to give me my phone back. I know we're not together but i pay for the bill every month and its my phone he's using too. He says I'm trying to control him and give him rules to follow but thats not true. It hurts my feelings and i feel that its disrespectful for him to communicate with females from a phone i pay for. I know I cant control him but if he wants to carry on marathon convos with these whores then he should get his own phone. We've been through this more than once and I've told him how it makes me feel but he doesn't get it. He just sees it as me trying to control him. He is trying to guilt trip me by saying i'm f**king up his livelihood and his money by suspending the service. Was I wrong to turn off the service and take my phone back? Did I overact?? I dont think so I just need an outsiders perspective. THANKS IN ADVANCE
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Split his service from your's and be done with the whole phone crap.
Author TheBestThusFar Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Tell him to move back into his mother's basement and figure something out. He is already crashing on her couch. LOL You guys are right tho. I may have been using the phone as a tool. But now that Ive taken it back and cut it off then there is nothing else connecting us. I should just move on and leave him alone. I just wish it was that easy.
WYSWYG Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I'll assume you did it initially perhaps to help him cuz you cared and wanna make he's life easier. I don't think you overreacted - I most likely flipped, too. It's not easy to let go but thank God we have this forum to stay sane. I learned a lot from my recent BU. Especially boundaries that I need to set for myself. Some folks can not appreciate generosity and will take your kindness for granted.
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Drop his number from your plan. Give him some notice that you are doing that. To tell him that he can't communicate with women on "your" phone is unworkable.
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