London_girl_1985 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I'm finding it really hard to move on from this guy I was dating and would love to get some wise words from everyone here. We were only together for 4 months but it was really intense – mainly because he only had 4 months left of his visa and so we spent a lot of time together. He is now in the process of waiting to find out if a company over here can sponsor him (they offered him a job) and obviously that takes a while. His holiday visa is up in a week and he'll be going home to the US then to wait. We broke up in a really horrible way. Basically he said that even though he wasn't planning on it, and 'didn't want to', he was worried he might get drunk and hook up with someone else. Now obviously that's understandable if you're away from someone for a long long period of time and you don't know them that well, but we had been spending a LOT of time together (we even travelled to Europe) and at the time he thought his visa might come through in 6 weeks. So hearing that really upset me and I couldn't get it out of my head. He has never had a serious relationship before but when i'd explained to him a month in that i was getting attached and needed to know how he felt, he said he didn't know what the future would hold – but pretty much demanded that we kept seeing each other. Because 'this was the furthest he'd gone with a girl' i guess i thought he was freaking out a little but that we'd be okay. I mean he was talking to me almost every day and we saw each other about 4 times a week. Then after he told me he was worried about being separated for so long, we both got upset and he started backtracking. Still, i couldn't get it out of my mind so i basically pushed us to the edge by saying things like 'how can this work now?' etc and he ended up saying "maybe you like me more than i like you" before getting on a train. It left me devastated and i got into work to find that he'd shared songs we used to listen to on social media. I've since deleted him. 2 days later he asked if he could see me again to 'explain' to 'give me a proper explanation'. I refused and said i was sad i'd put so much into the relationship. He didn't respond. Then 4 days later i got a letter with a late xmas present (i asked him NOT to send it) saying he was sorry he couldn't commit to anything long term right now but he wasn't sure how long his visa would take and that he had an amazing time with me, and wanted to see me when he got back to the UK 'if only once'. I then text to ask if we could meet for a drink (i don't think i should now) but HE DIDN'T REPLY. Now I am left heartbroken. And confused. I know it sounds insane but i feel like a part of me is missing without him. We were such a good match, had tonnes of similar interests and shared so many exciting experiences around the city. We both love music and all the recent songs i've downloaded just remind me of him. In the past he seemed upset when i said that when he left to go back home it would be really hard for me to stay friends with him (if we'd broken up) so his silence is really weird. I did SO much for him, took him to some great events (thorough my work as a journalist) and introduced him to loads of people. Seriously, he spent most of his time online before he met me. I can't contact him again I know but he leaves for America in a week. I just can't believe he would ignore me rather than have a proper goodbye. (although as i said, i wouldn't want to see him again now because it hurts too much.) Haven't seen him for 9 days now and have deleted him from social media. I just don't know how to get over someone who was so contradictory. He might come back, he might not. Either way, I WANT TO LET GO. But i don't know how. I'm worried I will spend the next 2 months hoping and waiting that he comes back.
strive Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 It looks like both of you still love each other but are too afraid to take the risk. LDR is hard, and personally something I wouldn't do. But it works for some people. (Also that visa/visiting thing is harder than most people think.) If you really think that you guys are great together, then take the chance. However, it'll only work if you're both willing. But if it's the sort that you both could easily walk away from (which is what you're both doing now), then start NC now and spare yourselves more heartache by dragging it.
Author London_girl_1985 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 It looks like both of you still love each other but are too afraid to take the risk. LDR is hard, and personally something I wouldn't do. But it works for some people. (Also that visa/visiting thing is harder than most people think.) If you really think that you guys are great together, then take the chance. However, it'll only work if you're both willing. But if it's the sort that you both could easily walk away from (which is what you're both doing now), then start NC now and spare yourselves more heartache by dragging it. Thanks for your comment. I was willing to give it a try but he's obviously had time to think and his silence now suggests he isn't interested in continuing what we had. As much as I want to be with him I can't wait for him to go home so I can start getting closure. NC for sure!
lop98 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yeah, it does sound like you guys are still into each other but afraid that you will get hurt if you go long distance, but you're already doing that now anyway. I went through a relationship like that, our fears burned every little chance of us ever getting back together, we haven't talked for a long time and we're now with other people, if my boyfriend proposed to me now I'd say yes and I'm sure that if it was up to him, he'd have babies with her. But I still remember him, mostly remember him like something that could've been so much more and never was (we lasted a little over a month). I don't think you want this for you... I have a good relationship now but this feeling of knowing you experienced something so extraordinarily beautiful and connected like you never could with someone, and it was cut off one day you got too scared and were never able to synch it all back together again... it haunts you. You both have to believe, and you need to talk to discover that. Try calling him, or maybe unblocking until you're both more at ease with having a conversation, and don't do it before you have willingness to fight circumstances, going to the US or meeting in another country affordable for you two. If you want it, try, before 1 or 2 more people are brought into the picture and all chances are gone.
Recommended Posts