spaceboy409 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I wake up everyday like I got kicked in the stomach. I cry several times through out the day. Im worried I will just run into her one of these days with another man and I can't take it anymore. Its only been a few months since the break up but im still beyond broken. I recently got the opportunity to move to a new city. Is this a good idea? Im a little scared, but I feel like I gotta move on with my life cuz right now I'm not progressing in the least. My parents and friends are worried sick and think its time to try something new...
Mondmellonw Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 If I were you, I will go away and never ever look back. Of course, I'm seeing it from my own perspective, and from my own BU story. I would suggest you think about it calmly, but I'm guessing it's a good idea to have a fresh start. Whatever you choose: good luck
Eau Claire Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I find its good for everyone to move away from where you are from. Not just to do with relationships but gives much better perspective in life. It makes one more resourceful, builds confidence, etc. You can always move back some day. 2
Author spaceboy409 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Has anyone moved to a new city where they don't know that many people? This is a pretty big city so there will be plenty of people but it still worries me. I've spent the entire last year trying to work things out with her and it was a waste of both of our lives...
Author spaceboy409 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I have another question...I went through a similar break up four years ago. It took me literally two years to get over, I ended up going to college tho and bettered my life in a lot of ways. I would think that would have made me stronger to handle this....but I feel even more broken then I was then...I can't survive a day without medication.
Eau Claire Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Has anyone moved to a new city where they don't know that many people? This is a pretty big city so there will be plenty of people but it still worries me. I've spent the entire last year trying to work things out with her and it was a waste of both of our lives... Sure....a half dozen times and 3 countries. Remember...a good percent of the population in some cities are from 'elsewhere'. Think about it...you are a citizen, know the culture, how to speak the language, how to rent an apartment, send out a résumé, etc. Compare that to the person getting off a plane from Somalia or a refugee in a boat.
Author spaceboy409 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Sure....a half dozen times and 3 countries. Remember...a good percent of the population in some cities are from 'elsewhere'. Think about it...you are a citizen, know the culture, how to speak the language, how to rent an apartment, send out a résumé, etc. Compare that to the person getting off a plane from Somalia or a refugee in a boat. This is a good point. My head is always stuck in the past. Every time I hear a sad song shes the first thing that pops in my head. I wish I was able to handle these things better like some people but for some reason I just cant. I think about her when I wake up and before I goto bed.....
goldfighter3 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Moving away can be good, but also be cautious about losing all your support networks! If you're worried about meeting new friends, meetup.com is a great way of doing that.
wildsunandmoon Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I am on the same boat as you are. Honestly though, it may be an impulsive decision, but sometimes you need a catalyst in your life to see an improvement in it. I would recommend doing some research first. Make sure you are financially able and mentally healthy to make that move on your own because essentially, you will be on your own. You should be in a solid place with yourself first before you can leap into a different city. I'll be moving to another country in the middle of this year. I honestly think it will be good for me considering that I have grow stagnant in my current environment and no longer benefit from it. I also want to explore new experiences and see different places.
LostConfused123 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Has anyone moved to a new city where they don't know that many people? This is a pretty big city so there will be plenty of people but it still worries me. I've spent the entire last year trying to work things out with her and it was a waste of both of our lives... Yes, almost 2 years ago I moved 1300 miles to a new city (LOVE IT!) BUT...... I met "him" a few months later and there is definitely something different about heartbreak in a "strange" place. Most of my memories have him in them:( I know this will fade with time and I will make new memories not just with another man but new friends too. So yeah, it can be a little scary because the familiar and your support system isn't the same but honestly, I have never regretted it. It really is like starting over and exciting too I would give it some thought. Our situations are a little different. I was happy when I moved here and didn't have a broken heart (those were the days) That happened AFTER I moved here. Also, as someone mentioned joining meetup.com. I did that and I still hang out with some of the people I met there. I would recommend joining if you do decide to move. Best of luck!!! and wishing you only the best in your recovery!
sugarpea Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I think it is a great opportunity and a huge life change which no doubt will be scary but really the decision you are making has to be based on if you would like to move to this city and not just on the fact you want to get away from her (you might find out you won't like it there). You should find out what you would gain from this move in terms of work/friends etc. You should research the place a bit more, get to know it, maybe just by researching you'll build up excitement for it and have that to look forward to. You'll also have to get resources in order - make sure you're financially stable that you know where to go if you need anything and well ensure you keep the contacts you would like to keep in terms of your friend network. Sorry just being practical here. Hope this helps. Good luck!
mantlefan Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I got dumped for a friend. Most of my other friends around here are also friends with my ex. I really want to get out of town. I think it would be a good challenge, and a good opportunity, and my best chance of thinking about my ex as little as possible. I was afraid to test the job market out of my area when we were together, now I have nothing tying me down. 5
WYSWYG Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 If I have the opportunity to move away....I would do it. 2
Winter blue Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I have made moving to another country/city as one of my new year resolutions already And it has nothing to do with my ex, I do it for my own good and career advancement. 1
JDPT Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I'm certain you have received polarized suggestions with regards to your current situation. On one end, if you move you will start from scratch, new places, people etc. I personally think this will be beneficial to you. It's always good at times to get away and do some soul searching. On the other hand, others may agree to face your demons head on. I'm personally not of the opinion that you are running away form anything. I believe you are simply taking measure to protect yourself as you may feel extremely vulnerable now. At the end of the day you will do what's best for YOU as you are all that matters from this point forward. Do some soul searching and figure out what it is that you are looking for. 3
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I have another question...I went through a similar break up four years ago. It took me literally two years to get over, I ended up going to college tho and bettered my life in a lot of ways. I would think that would have made me stronger to handle this....but I feel even more broken then I was then...I can't survive a day without medication. If moving away benefits you in some way - ie better job, etc, then do it! However, from what you say above, I'm worried you may be a little bit broken and moving won't help. You say medication...are you receiving professional help for some issues? Two years to get over somebody, yikes.
Volthi10 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I wake up everyday like I got kicked in the stomach. I cry several times through out the day. Im worried I will just run into her one of these days with another man and I can't take it anymore. Its only been a few months since the break up but im still beyond broken. I recently got the opportunity to move to a new city. Is this a good idea? Im a little scared, but I feel like I gotta move on with my life cuz right now I'm not progressing in the least. My parents and friends are worried sick and think its time to try something new... It does help but it can get extremely lonely if you have no friends... Did that before and went eh so so.... Now im in the same situation stuck in a cuty i moved for him but at least i have friends now.
Haydn Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 A new place is always good. New people, different things. If you have a job and feel like a change then go for it. May not solve the problems straight away but it may clear your head a bit and give you the chance too move on. As a another poster said you can always come back.
Bigcitydreamer Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I've done this before and ended up freaking out once the plane landed. I had a lot of emotions and a lot of unexpected sadness. I still had feelings for my ex though. I ended up moving back with him 2 months after. It cost me thousands of dollars. I don't regret doing that though.. It was somewhat fun but I was sad a lot of the time. I broke up with my bf again recently and I'm happy that I'm forced to stay where I am for a little while (in school) so that I have time to get over the breakup before the move. If I wasn't in school I think I'd wait a minimum of 3 months so that the move wasn't about the breakup which I believe would make it a more positive experience. I think moving away is great for many reasons but I would let my heart heal a bit before going.
notthathard Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Go man, new starts in life are the best if you need them. 1
Chi townD Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yeah, move to a new city. Look at it as a fresh start and you can walk out the door knowing that you have absolutely no chance of running into her. But, if you're have this much of a hard time healing from this and you also stated that it took you two years to get over your last relationship. I would strongly recommend you seek individual counseling to help you get a handle on all of this. I don't know if you're having abandonment issues or what.
BC1980 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I have wondered similar things about moving. Most people told me to wait a year and not make any major decisions right now. I think that is wise because moving is a big stress, especially if you can't get through the day without medication.
Big Sky Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I moved from DC to NYC in October in part to get away from an ex (also professional and family reasons). It's been about a year since we broke up and I'm definitely still not over it, but the moving away distances me just geographically speaking, which helps a little bit. Starting a new life over is easier when the ghosts of the past are no longer constantly physically there to remind you of things. In between moving away I also took a trip solo to California, which helped a bit as well. I would say that no, it's not a panacea to your problems, but sometimes a brand new start in a brand new place has its benefits. I wouldn't do it if there weren't opportunity in your new chosen location, because to uproot yourself with basically no safety net is risky, but a lot of the truly successful people in our history have done just that. Sometimes taking a risk without the security of a safety net is what people need to actually be successful.
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 From the opposite perspective, I can tell you that being stuck in the new place you moved to with an ex is pretty terrible. Left all of my old life behind to start fresh with my now ex. I'm hoping to get out of here pretty soon, but I have a job here and no opportunity anywhere else right now. So, I gotta wait it out a bit longer. But I do plan on leaving here as soon as possible, so I say go for it, OP...
Eau Claire Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 People may advise that you can't run away from your problems...actually you can. Better still, you may need to get away to understand that your problems were all a bit silly to begin with. As for 'the stress' of a new place. Stress is not a bad thing in itself. It can be a good type of challenge for the brain. Better to be concerned about figuring out a bus route and getting to a new job on time than replaying past personal relationship conversations in your head. I can't imagine being stuck in a life in which I was always 'wondering if I had moved, or 'if' tried a new job, etc. Better to get out there even if you fall flat on your face. Better for your mind down the road. The alternative? Being exactly in the position you are now in one year, or 5 years....yikes. That has to be motivation if nothing else is. 1
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