Ronnie786 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Hi guys I'm new to this forum I just need some advice as my mind is doing over time .... Just a WARNING before hand this is going to be very long... So basically me and my fiance have been together for 7years and within those 7years we've had no issue what so ever. We are in a long distance relationship well we live an hour away from each other thats never been an issue anyway my fiance is now 29 and I'm 22 (please don't judge the age difference) so the time come were he wants to settle down and get married now I obviously understand that and I want to settle down and get married myself but it's not that easy as we are from different religions now that isn't the actual problem the problem I'd my family won't accept him and we've kinda both come to tearms with that but he still wants to marry me and vice versa. Now if I want to marry him I have to leave my whole family that doesn't really bother me as I love him deeply but its my mum I'm worried about she's emotionally blackmailed me and threatened to commit suicide so I'm stuck anf now my fiance too has reached breaking point he's told me to make a decision and make it now I understand he's fed up of waiting but since the beginning of the new year we've hardly spoken and the last time I seen him was at the beginning of December and now we aren't even talking its been 3days since I've heard from him I know he's not busy because he's been on facebook and twitter and even.if he was.he'd message me he never goes a day.without messaging me so is he trying to tell me something? What should I do I'm so hurt and upset I dont want to lose him after 7years he's always telling me that he loves me and wants to marry me he say he wouldn't have waited 7years if he didn't love me so whats the deal why's he acting like this please help I need advice on this... Sorry for the essay.
CarrieT Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Okay, I am not going to judge you on the age difference NOW, but I will on the fact that if you have been together for seven years, you were 15 when you started seeing him and he was 22 which is statutory rape. The conclusion of this is that he was predatory to someone underaged and that you still have not matured into the woman you are supposed to be. Trust me on this one - we have cited it often enough that scientifically, you have half-baked brain syndrome. In short, your frontal cerebral cortex is not even fully attached so you are not capable of making insightful and intelligent decisions and won't be capable of doing so for another four or five years. In light of that as well, I think your family may be doing you a favor and the best thing you can do is be on your own and mature some more before even considering marriage. His silence might be the best thing to have happened to you.
Author Ronnie786 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Hey carrieT thanks for the reply but the thing is we have not been intimate believe it or not we are actually waiting till after marriage...
Author Ronnie786 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Thanks moxiesbuddy for the reply. Yes my mum has suffered from depression in the past due to my dad and brothers walking out on us so it only really ever been me and my mum.. I assume my fiance is behaving like this due to the fact he's been waiting to get married to me for 5years and the fact that his family are now pressuring him to settle down I know it sounds as though I'm defending him I'm not I'm just trying to understand his feelings as being 29 and not married is frowned upon in our culture... I have started to think that there maybe someone else? But surely he wouldn't make me get up and leave everything if he wasn't serious about us? I just dont know what to think anymore..
Els Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 At 22, I don't think you should be burning bridges with your family to marry a man. The majority of marriages that begin that early don't work out. That being said, I think your mother is off the hook as well. You need to focus on yourself, work towards being completely independent from your parents, and foster other relationships that aren't pressuring you to make a lifelong decision at 22.
Trimmer Posted January 14, 2014 Posted January 14, 2014 In light of that as well, I think your family may be doing you a favor and the best thing you can do is be on your own and mature some more before even considering marriage. His silence might be the best thing to have happened to you. Using a suicide threat isn't a productive way to do someone a "favor" though. I don't think it's a simple as saying "your family is right"; I think using suicide as leverage still indicates a pathology in the family dynamic. Whether it's an actual, credible threat or a manipulative deception just changes the kind of pathology at play - either way, that's messed up. 1
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