zilverenvlinder Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Here's the rundown. :-P I've been dating my boyfriend for almost four months. And by dating, I mean sleeping in the same bed. Every night. Not being away from each other for over a day. From the night we met. I know what you're thinking..whoaaa. It IS a little weird, when I think about it. A little about him: He's a big flirt, and I'm not overly jealous so I don't really mind because I know he wouldn't cheat on me. He tells his girl friends stuff like "Aww I love you sweetie!" blah blah, but he never once said it to me. I knew that if he didn't say it to me it was okay because once he said it it would be big. A couple months ago, I got a little drunk and said, "Guess what, I LOVE you" and he said, "I have much love for you too." Grr. Then, a week ago he told a girl at a party that he loved me, then seconds later told me he was a love whore, and he loved everybody. Again, grrr. Yesterday, I was deathly ill and he went out to buy me a sandwich and some pop and some ibuprofen. He waited on me all day. This morning, as he was leaving for work, I hugged him and said, "Have fun at work! I love you!" And he said, "I love you too baby." And then he got a little stumbly and was like "uhh where'd i put my keys, yeah uh i'll see you later after i get out of work hehe" and he bolted. What the hell is this?? Is this serious?? Does it sound like he meant it? And should I say it again tomorrow or would that be weird? I need your guys' help because I've never had a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP before! Love Adria
Groovy Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Even when men love someone it freaks them out a little to admit it. I am impressed that he still is around, it's only been 4 months and he has been faced with the words "I love you". Most people wait a year or at least 6 months. Saying "I love you" to friends may be O.K, because as friends he does love them. But saying it to his girlfriend is the kind of love that gives men a state of panic. My suggestion is to not say it for a while. He knows now you care for him deeply. Each time you say it he may feel a sense of pressure he's moving too fast emotionally forward or he will hurt someone who he is not up to speed with yet. Let him catch up to where you are and intitiate it next time, and give him a few months. But continue to do the things you've had in your relationship, don't let the issue make you two feel awkward.
Author zilverenvlinder Posted January 10, 2005 Author Posted January 10, 2005 You are impressed he's still around!? GAH i am so stupid!!! Why do I bring this stuff upon myself?? I hope he doesn't drop me after this.
savethedrama4allama Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I disagree with groovy. If "its only been four months" so its too early for him to say I love you, then I dare say 4 months is too early to have sex, spend every second together, and live together. Sounds like this dude has issues to me. If you can't tell the person you're having sex with, spending all your spare time with, and share a bed with that you love her, then something is wrong.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by zilverenvlinder Does it sound like he meant it? Yes And should I say it again tomorrow... No
Groovy Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Well, I agree with you SaveTheDrama4YrMama to some extent.... I would never live with a man until I am engaged to him. And try not to sleep with men unless they love me. But let's be real, most relationships don't start this way today. Especially the part of being sexually involved before he loves her. The fact they have chosen to be involved before the love was declared is a seperate issue and more typical than unusual. Sometimes people want a roommate and men just love sex, with or without the love and don't decline an offer with a good looking kind gal. Looking at my family or friends, it just depends on the guy on what that all means. He is just a typical guy who may want to get his feet wet to experience her because he cares and there may be something there he needs to identify. He may need to show her and reveal himself at his own pace while he figures it out. Not many men jump in and declare love with the women they get involved with in less than 4 months, they certainly would be the minority. Furthermore, for some people they would rather stand in front of a moving train to show they care than say "I Love You". It's just one of those things.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by Groovy Not many men jump in and declare love with the women they get involved with in less than 4 months, they certainly would be the minority. Yes GROOVY, unfortunately it seems like many of these "minority" men reside on this LS forum. You know, professing their undying love after 3 dates, calling a woman twice per day after one date, breaking NC repeated with a woman who dumped them, etc...it goes on and on and on.....
jellybean Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I think it's kinda cute the way he gets all awkward and embarassed when saying the words 'I love you'....this might be his first real, serious relationship too! Just be patient with him.... Groovy says : most people wait a year or at least 6 months before saying 'I love you' - that hasn't been my experience. But then I'm someone who didn't even know (until 6 months ago) that the 'no-contact policy' existed - so what do I know!
alphamale Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by jellybean I think it's kinda cute the way he gets all awkward and embarassed when saying the words 'I love you'....this might be his first real, serious relationship too! Just be patient with him.... Groovy says : most people wait a year or at least 6 months before saying 'I love you' - that hasn't been my experience. But then I'm someone who didn't even know (until 6 months ago) that the 'no-contact policy' existed - so what do I know! Six to nine months is perfect time to say "I LUB YOU" even tho you may have felt that way for quite some time. One does not want to utter those three powerful words before then. I've never understood the mentality of people that start dating someone new and after three wks they are "in luv". WTF!
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