Brown-Eyez Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Met a guy through OLD who contacted me first he's divorced (1.5 yrs) and has 1/2 time custody of his 2 kids We've been on 3 dates and have a high level of attraction slept together on date 2 Anyway he tells me near the end of our 3rd date that he has something he's been meaning to tell me since we first met.... It turns out he lost his job a couple months earlier Due to his job's re-org plans so not directly personal or cos of something he did Here's what i don't get: Why would somebody who is out of work start dating? Also Would you see this as a deal breaker?? either cos 1) he wasn't honest upfront or 2) that he's just unemployed even? IF he had told me he was unemployed when he first contacted me I would have told him, let's talk after you find a job lol! But now since I've met him (and LIKE him) Its alittle harder for me to walk away.... any thoughts on this?
MidwestUSA Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Some people have the discipline to save up enough money to tide themselves thru a rough patch of unemployment. I did so for a year, and dated during that time. Maybe he's one of them?
Author Brown-Eyez Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Some people have the discipline to save up enough money to tide themselves thru a rough patch of unemployment. I did so for a year, and dated during that time. Maybe he's one of them? Yes, I'm willing to give him credit for that possibility at least, he hasn't asked to borrow money from me!!
newmoon Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 he can date because he has free time, lol. this is a huge no for me - if he doesn't have a job he doesn't have the means to take me out, enjoy activities, etc. it's loserville from the very start. you're only on date 3, so just tell him once he's got his life back in order you'd be open to seeing him again. you won't be a priority in his life anyway right now - he's probably OLD because of low self-esteem after losing the job. looking for work will take priority, so it might not be a central issue, but the issues that surround it (having to give support and encouragement etc to this person) will kill the romance of a new relationship
MidwestUSA Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Yes, I'm willing to give him credit for that possibility at least, he hasn't asked to borrow money from me!! Haha, yea, at least he didn't. I'm assuming he's financially capable of still supporting his kids? He probably didn't want to tell you upfront because he's been brushed off for exactly that reason. It's better to look at qualities such as responsibility, ambition, work ethic. These will tell you whether he's capable of going out and getting gainful employment. It's a tough market out there right now.
Art_Critic Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Would you see this as a deal breaker?? either cos 1) he wasn't honest upfront or 2) that he's just unemployed even? Did he tell you he was employed? I think today it would be hard to date a person that isn't in some form of job transition.. what if he had only been employed for 1 week ?.. is that the same ? I think the measure is what is he doing now.. right now.. is he actively trying to find employment.. if he is living on his severance and going to collect unemployment while he sits at home then you have a problem.. but if he is not taking this laying down and looking for a job then it should be no biggie... Anybody..including you can find themselves without a job, should they quit dating and become a homebody ? I wouldn't think so... 2
Author Brown-Eyez Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 he can date because he has free time, lol. this is a huge no for me - if he doesn't have a job he doesn't have the means to take me out, enjoy activities, etc. it's loserville from the very start. you're only on date 3, so just tell him once he's got his life back in order you'd be open to seeing him again. you won't be a priority in his life anyway right now - he's probably OLD because of low self-esteem after losing the job. looking for work will take priority, so it might not be a central issue, but the issues that surround it (having to give support and encouragement etc to this person) will kill the romance of a new relationship this is not something I considered! and an interesting perspective.... Is it realistic to expect that everyone you meet is 100% put together? and if their not, I guess providing some sort of support/encouragement should be ok as long as it doesn't overshadow what might be developing between us.
MidwestUSA Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 this is not something I considered! and an interesting perspective.... Is it realistic to expect that everyone you meet is 100% put together? and if their not, I guess providing some sort of support/encouragement should be ok as long as it doesn't overshadow what might be developing between us. I started dating an unemployed guy in June 2012 (boy, did we have some time for sex!). His employment status wasn't all I looked at. We're married now, and he's working. Just sayin'. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Did he tell you he was employed? I think today it would be hard to date a person that isn't in some form of job transition.. what if he had only been employed for 1 week ?.. is that the same ? I think the measure is what is he doing now.. right now.. is he actively trying to find employment.. if he is living on his severance and going to collect unemployment while he sits at home then you have a problem.. but if he is not taking this laying down and looking for a job then it should be no biggie... Anybody..including you can find themselves without a job, should they quit dating and become a homebody ? I wouldn't think so... I asked him 'what he did' for work and he told me the "field" he's in so in a way, he didn't exactly say he had a job From what he told me he is actively looking for work and has a past history of financial success.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I started dating an unemployed guy in June 2012 (boy, did we have some time for sex!). His employment status wasn't all I looked at. We're married now, and he's working. Just sayin'. Good to know!
MidwestUSA Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Good to know! Actually, it was probably the fact that he had more time that even allowed us to get together in the first place, so yea, LOL!
SYLLPalmer Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Loser? I have been struggling with underemployment, unemployment and abusive hiring and firing practices for the past 6 years. I did it right. I went all the way. Overcame the competition and got my golden ticket. The problem is they make $250,000.00 a ticket and the show has long been sold out. When I work I make $65.00 an hour and guess what else? I am either overqualified or not qualified for the lower pay scale jobs. Where does that leave me? With mortgage I cannot get out of and I am hanging on the interest only loan to keep me from hitting the streets. Those who have suggestions for a way out should save them. I am brilliant and driven and I have tried them all. I am in one hell of a predicament and that is all. I have adjusted my style of living. In 2010 I worked and saved $25,000.00 then got fired on the day my father lost his battle with cancer because a subordinate wanted me out. 2014 and it is way worse now as more grads looking for the golden egg get pumped into the system. Well I am tired of being alone and after a long time of complete isolation and terror I started OLD. I am a girl who set herself up to pay her own way. I am tired of being marginalized. I am looking for a kind fellow who wants to share a pint of ben and jerry's in the park. I get to deal with plenty of deadbeats of the non-financial variety but lucky for us all there are plenty of fish in the sea.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 if he doesn't have a job he doesn't have the means to take me out, enjoy activities, etc. it's loserville from the very start. you're only on date 3, so just tell him once he's got his life back in order you'd be open to seeing him again. you won't be a priority in his life anyway right now to decline him now doesn't that make me sorta of cold & materialistic? I suppose if I had some type of trouble in my life and I met a good person I would expect that they could see beyond my trouble to the other things I can offer this ^ is why I love LS! i think i'm answering my own question! lol! as for not being a priority so far, he's giving me alot of contact 1
f1asr88 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 he can date because he has free time, lol. this is a huge no for me - if he doesn't have a job he doesn't have the means to take me out, enjoy activities, etc. it's loserville from the very start. you're only on date 3, so just tell him once he's got his life back in order you'd be open to seeing him again. you won't be a priority in his life anyway right now - he's probably OLD because of low self-esteem after losing the job. looking for work will take priority, so it might not be a central issue, but the issues that surround it (having to give support and encouragement etc to this person) will kill the romance of a new relationship Yeah, she should certainly dump him. As an unemployed person he's not really worth the air he breathes, let alone worthy of dating and spending any money on her. The unemployed aren't actually people anyway, let alone ones with any redeeming qualities. She should find someone whose profession she can coo to her friends about.
newmoon Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Yeah, she should certainly dump him. As an unemployed person he's not really worth the air he breathes, let alone worthy of dating and spending any money on her. The unemployed aren't actually people anyway, let alone ones with any redeeming qualities. She should find someone whose profession she can coo to her friends about. you must have some issues surrounding this issues cuz you seem a little offended ... lol. of course unemployment isn't a bad thing and it doesn't make someone 'unworthy,' but it's a brand new relationship and it'll be a big hurdle to overcome right from the get-go. there are many issues that unemployment brings up - self-esteem, depression, etc. - and that isn't an ideal way to start off a new relationship. someone without a job isn't in a place for a relationship because their life isn't in order. if you're married to someone who loses a job, or long-term with someone who loses a job it's much different than being with someone like this from the get-go. that's the point
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