blombox Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I thought so much about this. A lot of people are looking for a relationship. But you don't just pick anyone. This is also for me. I want to get married one day. Buy I want to get happily married, and NOT be stuck in a loveless marriage. Thats how everyone feels I think. You want to have a relationship, but you want to be happy. Thats why we are picky, thats why we date so much. In order to 'pick' someone, you have standards. You have things you find important when you are selecting a partner. Before my previous relationship I thought I knew what I wanted. We broke up because it wasnt what I wanted. Now I have no idea anymore. Its really complicated. Incantatie use you people for inspiration. These are some factoren that come into play when dating: - your standerds (assuming you know who you are and what your want, or else something wil go wrong later on) - the other persons standards (assuming the same) - availability. these must be people in your surrounding If not, do you lower your standards? Is this possible? - luck Now these are just a few. My question to you is: Can you discribe your standards as detailed as possible. This will also be usefull for yourself. Maybe your standards are unrealistic, or to low and you will have problems later in your relationship. Now I have some ideas, but tell me yours first. I don't care how long you type, but try to make it as complete as possible 1
Author blombox Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Not interesting? Its one of the most fundamentalist questions and will determine your future.
GemmaUK Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 When you fancy the pants ff each other, have a great laugh together, your values match and you have respect and trust for each other. That is when it's relationship material.
Shepp Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 you know what - I always thought of myself as quite picky, I could write a list of detailed must haves but you know if I did - I'd probably go and near on describe my girlfriend because from since I was 15 its always been her. Since her first day at my school when she swept over to me at lunch sat down and started helping herself to my chips she rendered me speechless. Right then and there she became the first person I ever cared about what she thought of me! Now all these years later when she walks in, scans the room and grins when she sees me - she still makes my breath catch in my throat. I love her - and that's when someone's good enough to date. When you love them enough that all the other BS goes out the window, when your checklist just don't matter anymore and when it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Nothing stays the same. People change. Over time, this is completely unavoidable, and inevitable. So whatever standards you have, whatever your criteria to begin with, nothing guarantees a long, happy, healthy marriage. What guarantees a long, happy, healthy marriage, is the ability to be flexible, to adapt and to grow, together. 1
newmoon Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I would (and have) drop my standards for anyone provided our core values and personalities match. I might not care for a bald man or a fat man but a bald, fat man that is loyal and hardworking and whatever else I value becomes attractive. so sticking to a list or maintaining a standard works to some extent but the standard has to be flexible because sadly no one is the whole package
Author blombox Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Chemistry pretty much. Is this the most important thing? And what if you have different things you want in the future? @ taramaiden. Yeah I think people change a lot, and therefore you deed flexibily in you relationship. @seph I really like what you said. The checklist helps to give an indication, but is not a leading thing (unless you are talking about absolute musts in the relationship). It helps you to see what you want. But your feelings determine if you care enough about her. @newmoon so for you the personality is most important in picking a partner? What if you are not attracted? Or do you become attracted when the personality is right?
d0nnivain Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 At 1st there has to be chemistry. I have to physically be attracted to them. Once that happens then we can determine whether they are relationship material. For me those considerations included: * has their s**t together -- school or work or both; knows what they want out of life & is working toward that * not too much baggage; yes everybody has a past but they dealt with it & moved forward * no substance abuse problems * intelligent, witty & funny
abby2 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 For me is personality first and he has to be decent looking not ugly. Plus we must have a strong chemistry.
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