Manny2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I've never really dated much as I had a very strict upbringing. I broke free of that when I went to uni but I spent majority of that time enjoying my freedom than dating. I found that I couldn't really find what I wanted once I started dating and I asked friends for advice. They pointed me in a few directions, mainly me needing to dress more feminine and give people chances. One of my friends said "you can't be all high and mighty and expect to find men that want to date you. You are more likely to intimidate them". I was also told most people settle these days. Taking all the advice together, I changed my ways. I began to meet a lot of people but I can’t find the right person for me. I also noticed I tend to meet men with really low self esteem and I find this unattractive. Anyhoo, during my very high standards days as I like put it, I met this guy on match.com. We sent emails back and fort but he was all talk and no action. I started using another online dating website and this same guy messaged me just to say hello and he implied he has changed but I didn't act on it. I found his number a couple of months later and I messaged him. We got talking and like before, he still ticked all the boxes but two...he's isn't good with emotions and he doesn’t talk a lot. He acknowledges that he isn't good with emotions because he's been hurt in the past and he is afraid of going to that place of trust again. He also explained that was why he came across badly before. He says he now know what he wants. He says he really likes me and he is willing to work on this. I voiced my concern to some older ladies at work and they said it can only be a good sign if he's acknowledged it himself ad willing to work on it. He asked me out, we made a date and he didn't make it. He later explained he was very nervous and scared. My usual self would have just told him where to go but now feeling really old, I felt like maybe that’s true. Besides I know some men are like that as is one of my close male friends. I gave him another chance but I wanted to find out more about him as I didn't want any nasty suprise like an out of town girlfriend. I looked him up on facebook and he is who he says he is. The friends he had mentioned in our conversations are indeed on his profile. I didn't tell him this by the way. He asked for another date and I said ok. The pattern I have found in his conversation is that he will sometimes talk for a long time and even make jokes but other times, he won’t even reply my text for days. I have asked him about this and he apologised but didn’t really change. I’ve now told him about him needing to speak more twice now. I maintained my cool and waited for him to ask me about the plans and he did. I asked when he was free but they weren’t really good for me so I said weekend. A day later, my friends wanted to do something that same day so I asked him again if he was free or not as I need to make other plans. When he didn’t reply, I went ahead and made plans with my friends. He later asked and I told him I’ve made plans but we can meet in between things I have to do. He agreed, chose the time and I text him details. Same as the last date, no confirmation the day before and I knew he wouldn’t turn up. I was however shopping near our meeting place and my friends persuaded me to go. They said if I didn’t, he might say he did and I’d have no proof. I went and waited for an hour! I rang him and calls went to voicemail after the first ring so he was obviously avoiding me. I sent him an angry text about how much of a time waster he is and later a phone call asking for an explanation, none of which he replied to. A week later, I saw him online and messaged him. He was full of apologies and said he got scared yet again. He said he knows I can’t understand it but he is telling the truth. Ok I may be old but not desperate yet. Has anyone ever heard of being scared into no action because you’ve been hurt in the past? Besides, what has that got to do with meeting someone face to face? We might not even get on so he had nothing to worry about for now. The problem I have is I really like this guy. 3 years of dating and he’s the third man that’s come really close. At the same time, I feel like I’ve done all I could and even accommodate him as much as I didn’t really think was possible. Should I forgive him for the third time? Just before people starts to judge me, please don’t. I have already judged myself much more than you can imagine. And just to say that during all the time with this guy, I was talking to two other guys. It’s not like I’m totally hung up on him. I have also gone back to having high standards because I didnt exactly meet anyone lowering them! Do people agree with me doing this?
Sand Man Dan Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 What is this...it's no wall...it's a fuc*in skyscraper!
Weezy1973 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Sounds to me like he has a severe social anxiety disorder. Avoidance is a coping mechanism.
GemmaUK Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 What is this...it's no wall...it's a fuc*in skyscraper! I tried to 'like' your signature quote on this subject...oops! Don't accomodate any longer. He is either a flooze and not really into you or a flake. Men who are insecure can be a nightmare to date! He doesn't even reply sometimes at all...if you will be OK with that in a relationship go for it. If not, don't. 2
See_ker Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 This sounds very much like a guy I dated recently. I didn't give him another chance after the second time. I think it is very rude to not at least text to cancel. If you feel this is real, then go ahead but I will say treat it casually, don't get your hopes up. If he really is that scared, are you ever going to meet?? I think I agree with you putting your standards back up but ask your friends to keep you in check Good luck! 1
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