melell Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 8 or so months ago I had a breakup, in the 2 months after we had contact about 5 times. We were together 7 years. I went nc on the advice of the longtime posters on this board. I can say that now I hardly think of my ex, and it is indifference-no urge to contact them, no thoughts about future meetings etc (all things I experienced at the start). I never have thoughts of them with any emotion attached, even nice memories are just fleeting thoughts that strike nothing in me. I can't even remember the last time we spoke. In all honestly it just seems like it was all a long, long time ago, almost like an old book I read or something. I was wondering if I really got here because of no contact, or if it would have happened with time regardless of contact. It is hard to get my head around- a few conversations could really be so detrimental? lately I have been thinking about love and the like, I thought I loved my ex, we were together my entire adult life, but I am starting to think that if nc can change things so much perhaps it is just a case of chemicals and habit? Thoughts?
pickflicker Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 It's both. No contact is to get off the drug that is your ex, time is for pursuing new avenues without the anchor that is your ex. 3
Winter blue Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) lately I have been thinking about love and the like, I thought I loved my ex, we were together my entire adult life, but I am starting to think that if nc can change things so much perhaps it is just a case of chemicals and habit? Yes pretty much that is. Surely you loved your ex, but that's the past now, the moment she decided to end it, your feeling changed too. I use to think I cannot live without my ex (not the recent one but one with 5 years history), and I remember she said something to me at the time of BU, that was almost like 10 years ago now and I still remember it, she said "get over it, it's just a broke up, no one dies from a broke up, you will be fine without me". It was almost cruel of her to say it while I begged at the time, but in retrospect, what she said was so true and that is the reality, we will all get over a breakup, sooner or later, it will pass. Nothing last forever, and I surely can live without her. Love is such a fragile thing, once it's broken, it's hard to be repaired, it disappears, just like the chemicals and habits. Edited January 12, 2014 by Winter blue
Author melell Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 It is insane- it can mean so much during a breakup, but it is all so fleeting. I really like that in retrospect it is nothing.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 No Contact definitely speeds up the process. Had you been in contact you wouldn't be as far along as you are now. 1
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I have given a lot of thought to No Contact, Low Contact, Some Contact, Broken Contact, Tortured Contact etc etc I think it has more to do with getting back to yourself, and for most that is impossible to do with contact. There are moments we hope it will bring their ex back (we have all been there :-). But I think it is to bring yourself back to you. Re-learn yourself without your ex. Men and women are also different in that I think, mostly men need to retreat from pain to understand it and women need to re-visit it to understand it. Not all of course but this is the general impression I get. Either way it is finding a place for it and going forwards I guess.
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