johncourtz Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Well if u read my posts you will know my story. A month ago my ex reached out saying she knew she lost me for good. She questioned why I didn't want to have a child with her (we had and abortion) and told me she was sick and she cuts herself. That she needed to talk. I followed NC and ignored her. She tried calling me for 3 days private and I didnt answer. Found out just now that she's at a bar right as I'm typing this with the guy she left me for. Mind you she sent me these texts 3 weeks ago. It made me sick to my stomach. And she's back on FB with all of our pics up as tho we are still together I'm hearing. I'm confused hurt angry depressed just all of the above. I don't know what to do. I feel like maybe I should've spoked to her when she reached out. Somebody please tell me that I'm making the correct moves. I felt like I was healing and this just set me back :0(
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Well if u read my posts you will know my story. A month ago my ex reached out saying she knew she lost me for good. She questioned why I didn't want to have a child with her (we had and abortion) and told me she was sick and she cuts herself. That she needed to talk. I followed NC and ignored her. She tried calling me for 3 days private and I didnt answer. Found out just now that she's at a bar right as I'm typing this with the guy she left me for. Mind you she sent me these texts 3 weeks ago. It made me sick to my stomach. And she's back on FB with all of our pics up as tho we are still together I'm hearing. I'm confused hurt angry depressed just all of the above. I don't know what to do. I feel like maybe I should've spoked to her when she reached out. Somebody please tell me that I'm making the correct moves. I felt like I was healing and this just set me back :0( Wow, hard situation. As a general rule I do believe in NC. But with your situation and as a woman myself I am not sure. Abortion is really difficult on a woman. Even if we know logically it is the right thing to do, our natural instincts and emotions as a woman are in conflict with that. I can understand her eratic behaviour. If she is struggling with guilt and anxiety and questions over the abortion. Sorry I know this forum is to hate exes but this one I couldn't let go. But you both made quite a decision together to not have a child, that has enormous impact on both sides. Can I ask how old she is?
Sugarkane Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 She really needs to help herself and get counseling to heal.
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Sorry can't leave this one. I read your old posts. YOU LET HER HAVE THE ABORTION ALONE. I'll be the first one to say everyones ex is wrong, if that is what you need to hear. But since you have a child already I am assuming you are not young? Are you really questioning just her behaviour? Maybe a little self-reflection would not hurt. I don't say this to be mean. But seems to me she needs the closure more than you wether she left you or not. I would leave you too if you let me go through an abortion alone. Sorry 4
Author johncourtz Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Wow, hard situation. As a general rule I do believe in NC. But with your situation and as a woman myself I am not sure. Abortion is really difficult on a woman. Even if we know logically it is the right thing to do, our natural instincts and emotions as a woman are in conflict with that. I can understand her eratic behaviour. If she is struggling with guilt and anxiety and questions over the abortion. Sorry I know this forum is to hate exes but this one I couldn't let go. But you both made quite a decision together to not have a child, that has enormous impact on both sides. Can I ask how old she is? She is 32. We were together for 3 years..friends for 5. She was with the guy when we started out as friends and gradually grew into our relationship, so in some ways she left him for me. i feel like i was a 3 year rebound relationship for her. I wonder at times does she think of me and my daughter cause i think of her and her daughter every single day. I miss them alot.
Author johncourtz Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Sorry can't leave this one. I read your old posts. YOU LET HER HAVE THE ABORTION ALONE. I'll be the first one to say everyones ex is wrong, if that is what you need to hear. But since you have a child already I am assuming you are not young? Are you really questioning just her behaviour? Maybe a little self-reflection would not hurt. I don't say this to be mean. But seems to me she needs the closure more than you wether she left you or not. I would leave you too if you let me go through an abortion alone. Sorry I know i did. it was and will always remain one of my biggest regrets in life. But when i caught her on the phone with her ex the first time talking to him like he was her man and she fought to get me back, we discussed it. I knew the abortion made her hate me for awhile but i thought we worked through it. Even after she dumped me in Oct out of the blue when things were going so well i wrote a 14 page letter explaining in detail why i didnt want the baby at the time and how remourseful i was that she had to go through that alone. When i dropped off her things after she went cold on me and kept pushing me away saying that she loved him and thats where she wanted to be, she came by my apt and we spoke and cried for about 2 hours. I even told her then my feelings on the abortion and i apologized. I told her that if we were to be together again that we could have the baby. She was cutting herself then and had lost alot of weight in the 3 weeks i didnt see her..she was telling me she was unhappy yet people sent me pics of her and the guy out and about and she was professing her happiness in those pics. I didnt know what to believe. She facetimed me that night saying that her best friend was going to get her help. Thats why when those texts came last month i felt like she was trying to bait me. It didnt feel genuine. She was even texting me through a google app because he had checked her outgoing calls on her phone bill before. Now to hear what i heard last night just ruined me. I dont know what to do. And now that she's on FB and our pics are still there i dont know what to make of that. I guess i'll stay gone as she wishes to allow myself to heal and so she can move on. I figured maybe they was arguing and she wanted to test the waters to see if her doormat was still around. But now i wonder if i shouldve spoken with her. Somebody please give me some advice. Im seriously confused. Haven't slept a wink yet. I felt like i was moving forward and now i feel just as bad as i did the day she dumped me. I'm glad i didn't see it. I wish my friend never told me that she saw her last night with him.
Author johncourtz Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 She really needs to help herself and get counseling to heal. I told her the same thing. I told her that she needs to be alone. That she doesn't need any man to validate her. But she's the type who cannot be alone. I told her i didn't care if it wasn't me, but to please leave that guy alone. He's a 27 year old drug dealer that has flashy things but lives at his moms apt and sleeps in a bunkbed. He has no intention of moving her out and doing right by her and her daughter. Her own sisters would tell me this. I actually had to block them in November because i didn't want to her about here day to day life with this dude anymore. I wish i knew what to do. I feel like if i reach out now im setting myself up for another slice of heartbreak. I will just stay gone and try to forget everything
margot13 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I know i did. it was and will always remain one of my biggest regrets in life. But when i caught her on the phone with her ex the first time talking to him like he was her man and she fought to get me back, we discussed it. I knew the abortion made her hate me for awhile but i thought we worked through it. Even after she dumped me in Oct out of the blue when things were going so well i wrote a 14 page letter explaining in detail why i didnt want the baby at the time and how remourseful i was that she had to go through that alone. When i dropped off her things after she went cold on me and kept pushing me away saying that she loved him and thats where she wanted to be, she came by my apt and we spoke and cried for about 2 hours. I even told her then my feelings on the abortion and i apologized. I told her that if we were to be together again that we could have the baby. She was cutting herself then and had lost alot of weight in the 3 weeks i didnt see her..she was telling me she was unhappy yet people sent me pics of her and the guy out and about and she was professing her happiness in those pics. I didnt know what to believe. She facetimed me that night saying that her best friend was going to get her help. Thats why when those texts came last month i felt like she was trying to bait me. It didnt feel genuine. She was even texting me through a google app because he had checked her outgoing calls on her phone bill before. Now to hear what i heard last night just ruined me. I dont know what to do. And now that she's on FB and our pics are still there i dont know what to make of that. I guess i'll stay gone as she wishes to allow myself to heal and so she can move on. I figured maybe they was arguing and she wanted to test the waters to see if her doormat was still around. But now i wonder if i shouldve spoken with her. Somebody please give me some advice. Im seriously confused. Haven't slept a wink yet. I felt like i was moving forward and now i feel just as bad as i did the day she dumped me. I'm glad i didn't see it. I wish my friend never told me that she saw her last night with him. Wow, sounds like a real mess. I am so sorry for you. Why don't you think about getting counselling as well? Sounds like you have both been through a lot. And reading your story I would say she is also very confused and self destructive at the moment. And really, you have a child, you do not want your child being anywhere near drug dealers. Just don't do anything but get yourself better for yourself and your child. When you can think clearly again you will look at it all differently. But sounds as if contact at the moment would not solve anything. Seriously maybe counselling would help you too...
Author johncourtz Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I think I could benefit from it at this point. I miss her a lot. I feel stupid. Maybe I did miss my opp by not responding to her text last month. Im thankful I didn't go to thT bar last night and see her with him. What would you guys do if you were me? Do I stay NC and continue to heal? I'm so confused and hurt
candie13 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 the wrong is already done. She's not the one, man. i mean... it may be that you two simply were not ready to have a child together, but still are good together, any other way. IMO, you should avoid her like the plague and keep FULL NC for at least 60 days. See other women, go out and block her on all the devices, sites and social media existing. Ask your "friends" to stop updating you about her activities online and offline.
Author johncourtz Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 the wrong is already done. She's not the one, man. i mean... it may be that you two simply were not ready to have a child together, but still are good together, any other way. IMO, you should avoid her like the plague and keep FULL NC for at least 60 days. See other women, go out and block her on all the devices, sites and social media existing. Ask your "friends" to stop updating you about her activities online and offline. That's the thing. She is blocked on everything since the breakup. I haven't had any contact with her since November 6th. She reached out on December 12 and 13 but I didn't respond. I've been maintaining NC for awhile now and avoiding her. Been on a few dates and have been hanging wit a woman who knows my story and doesn't want to be a rebound but enjoys my company. I just go thru bouts where I miss my ex and wonder if I did right by ignoring her when she seemed to genuinely need help. But now that I'm hearing she's around town with dude in bars we went to regularly it seems as if she moved on and doesn't care
JDPT Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I hope you understand that she is mentally unstable, hence all her eradic behavior. Internalize the fact that she is no longer your problem, is no longer your responsibility to worry about her or what she is doing or not doing. Switch this focus onto you. Again, what she does is no longer relevant, whichever say she chooses to conduct he life is her problem. Be strong friend.
Author johncourtz Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 I hope you understand that she is mentally unstable, hence all her eradic behavior. Internalize the fact that she is no longer your problem, is no longer your responsibility to worry about her or what she is doing or not doing. Switch this focus onto you. Again, what she does is no longer relevant, whichever say she chooses to conduct he life is her problem. Be strong friend. I promise you this is what I was doing. When she reached out last month I wasn't sure if she needed help for real or if she was just testing me to see if I was still available. I was proud of myself for not responding but to now here that she's all over town with that dude has left me wondering a lot. I feel like I'm back to square one and haven't made contact with her but I have the urge. I have deleted her number back in November and I blocked everything. She's no longer looking for me obviously. I wish I could turn how I feel off and go back to how I was before I heard this news smh. I love and miss her but I'm sure what I'm doing is right by staying gone. I just need reassurance and advice cause I'm really feeling it right now and I don't want to do something stupid to ruin how far I've come.
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