LeftAlone83 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Hello LS, I've posted a few times over the last few days here.. since I am newly out of an incredibly passionate A, and reeling from the loss of what I believed to be my soulmate, and "the one". I'm feeling every sense of the word "loss" right now.. especially since my MM and I had messaged every day, all day from the very first time we met for over a year. No matter where he was (he travels a lot) he would always write me good morning, tell me about his day, and write me good night. The NC is causing me more pain than I thought it would. I don't know if it's because I am constantly reminded that it's really over.. or because it makes me feel like he really didn't love me since it's so easy for him to stick with it. (I'm constantly checking my phone just in case) I know we both need to move on.. but everything reminds me of him. Does anyone have any good advice as to how to deal with the NC better?? Thank you in advance for anything to help me get through this pain in my heart..
Rollercoaster Rider Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Hello LS, I've posted a few times over the last few days here.. since I am newly out of an incredibly passionate A, and reeling from the loss of what I believed to be my soulmate, and "the one". I'm feeling every sense of the word "loss" right now.. especially since my MM and I had messaged every day, all day from the very first time we met for over a year. No matter where he was (he travels a lot) he would always write me good morning, tell me about his day, and write me good night. The NC is causing me more pain than I thought it would. I don't know if it's because I am constantly reminded that it's really over.. or because it makes me feel like he really didn't love me since it's so easy for him to stick with it. (I'm constantly checking my phone just in case) I know we both need to move on.. but everything reminds me of him. Does anyone have any good advice as to how to deal with the NC better?? Thank you in advance for anything to help me get through this pain in my heart.. Keep yourself busy! Read a book, walk, gym, call old friends, treat yourself to a massage or facial..self care :-) I am right there with you! NC for a month, I have no idea how I made it this long. Whatever you do..have more respect for yourself and DO NOT BREAK NC!! The urges will come, but they do pass. You can do this..make it about you :-)
Ginger_Belle Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Hi LeftAlone83, I am so sorry you are going through this. Its been a week NC for me so I am right there with you. Not only have I never felt pain like this before but it feels like 'time' has completely slowed down. Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, and this week has felt like a lifetime. It is excruciating to say the least. RollercoasterRider is completely right. Keep Busy. And then keep busy some more. Even if you don't feel like it, push yourself to do something that will keep your mind occupied. It sounds so simple but distraction is key. I can become quite reclusive as I have the tendency to withdraw into myself (I easy go days, even weeks without leaving the house) But this week I have forced myself to go out everyday and I know I am in a better position for it. I have met up with close friends and family, gone for long, long walks and even longer drives. I don't know if you drive or not but I find it most helpful. I can put on the radio and go wherever the open road allows me to. Also bc I am concentrating on driving I can't keep checking my phone. Thats the other thing I'd recommend - put your phone to the side and forget about it. I know thats easier said than done, but waiting on a text/call is only going to hinder your overall progress. So rather than drive yourself crazy, take control and convince yourself that you are not going to hear from him. And then ask yourself, even if you did hear from him, what would that change, how would that help? My guess is, hearing from him would only stand to set you back and prolong your pain. And thats just not worth it. I fully believe the only way to get over someone and truly move on is to accept the reality of the situation. That's why I can't allow myself to cling to the hope that he will get in touch - because either way it doesn't change the fact that its over And please don't think that just because he isn't breaking NC it is easy for him. I bet he is thinking about you and hurting just as much as you are. He may be struggling not to reach out to you too. And if he doesn't, take comfort in knowing that its because he cares about you enough to respect your wishes and NOT because he doesn't care at all. I'm not trying to be harsh here, really I feel your pain. It crushes me to think that I will never speak to MM again (he was my best friend and we spoke all day, every day too) and I have struggled with NC all week as I miss him terribly. But deep down I know that it is for the best. Things were never going to work out the way I wanted them to and by staying in contact I would only be putting off the inevitable and delaying the heartbreak. So the way I see it is, I'd rather hurt now, than a lot more later. Walking away from the person you love most is one of the most painful things in the world, and I am truly sorry you are having to do it. But please believe that you will be okay. By sticking to NC you are giving yourself the opportunity to move on and find true happiness in life. So stay strong -you can do this. Best wishes to you x 4
XenoMouse Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Im so sorry that you have to go thru this...As an OM i know the sense of feeling the loss of the one, true love that this person appears to be. But believe me (others said this to me and i didnt take their advice because i was so caught up in the fantasy) stick with the NC and it will be so much better in the long run. I was involved in a situation where it was nc then broken then nc again over and over and all it did was prolong the suffering and the pain. I am in the exact same boat where the NC makes it feel like its so easy for them and they can just walk away from everything you have and just slip back into their marriage but NC is about you and your healing and I would keep the focus on that. I know the feeling of talking everyday suddenly gone like a carpet from under your feet and the sting of things that remind you of them, it hurts like crazy but i admire your strength in recognizing that this is painful situation for you and that you are doing your best to remove yourself from it. It is tough but your doing the right thing. 1
Recommended Posts