How do you stay composed after hearing the inevitable?

[Hopelessromantic25]

hello folks, first and foremost thank you for taking the time to read my thread.

 

Well I was the OM for about three years with my AP. My AP has been with her bf for 9 years. We've backed off from each other so we can continue with our lives. We both loved each other very much, it was just bad timing. Now I'm starting to wonder how I'm going to react when she gets engaged to her bf. I know it's inevitable because they've been together for so long. I know what we did was very selfish but it happened and I'm glad I met her.

 

I continue to date other women, however sometimes I can't help it but compare these women to her. I know that isn't fair, I know I shouldn't be doing that which is why I keep things very simple with the women I date because I don't want to compare them. But I dread the day I find out when my old AP gets engaged. I want her to be happy truthfully, but I know that it's going to affect me in some way. Does any of you good people have any experience in a similar situation? And if so, how do you think I should react to it? thank you.

[pickflicker]

They aren't married. I'm assuming there are no children. Why didn't she leave him?

[anne1707]

They aren't married. I'm assuming there are no children. Why didn't she leave him?

 

Simple answer is probably because she didn't want to.

 

OP - is there still contact of sorts between you and your AP?

[Hopelessromantic25]

Simple answer is probably because she didn't want to.

 

OP - is there still contact of sorts between you and your AP?

 

Every now and then we would contact each other. We still tell each other that we love each other. It's probably once a month or so we've met up and became intimate. For the most part, I understand it isn't going to be more than just that. But she already made the decision to stay with him. I guess I'm just stealing time when it's available, she knows it it too. I know it's going to be tough when she gets engaged, I just wanted to know if anyone has been in my position. Thanks.

[anne1707]

Not quite the same situation - I was the fWS, would not leave my husband, dday, almighty mess etc but I still work with the exOM and he has since married a lady he started dating not long after the affair ended.

 

If you really see this affair not going anywhere other than causing you pain when she marries her boyfriend then you need to end it. You need to do proper NC so you are no longer giving her the cake she wants (sorry but that is the way it reads to me) and you are not being used to satisfy her requirements to the detriment of your own. Put yourself first, protect yourself and get YOUR life back.

[Wambo]

Does any of you good people have any experience in a similar situation? And if so, how do you think I should react to it? thank you.

 

 

I know exactly what you're going through. I'm waitning for the inevitable day my exAP becomes pregnant and then I know it's all over for me. After that there's no chance we could be together.

 

My exAP actually agreed to move in with her boyfriend just before restarting our EA after two months NC. This new EA didn't last very long because I gave her an ultimatum and I wanted to to know where I stood in her life. I knew she was hiding stuff from me but when I discovered her social media page, I was very shocked. I was ill, I isolated myself to a single room and I couldn't eat anything for that day. Afterward I wanted to confront her and shout at her for the way she treated me. After that depression quickly sunk in and I had to battle that aswell as her.

 

HR25 in both of our situation we still in contact with our ex/AP like or not. In my situation she can easy walk up to me and breaks NC. Usually it happens every four to five weeks now. Very frustrating to go through the worst of NC on a regular bases. The best solution is to go full NC and never look back.