MixedUpChick Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I posted a bit about this in another thread, but this has been on my mind all week. I met a man through match.com just after Christmas, basically "on paper" he's everything I like: intelligent, has a job, has a home, treated me well, seems kind (even likes dogs), took an interest in me & enjoyed spending time together. We had 4 dates over the course of a week. Date 1 was coffee, we talked for hours. Date 2 was mini-golf at an indoor mall, and then walking around the mall and talking. Date 3 was a movie & then we picked up food & brought it back to my place, after dinner there was a little kissing but nothing more. Date 4 was a nice dinner out, then we went back to my place and played Uno. During the week he would text me "good morning" and "good night" and some texts throughout the day. He added me on Facebook after our 2nd date. I did have a small concern he might be a little needy since he was the one asking for the dates so frequently & initiating contact but it didn't seem to be excessive. Oh & fyi, I'm 50 and he's 52. After dates 3 & 4, I found reasons to cut the night short to avoid the chance of it going past kissing, because I wasn't feeling any chemistry/physical attraction to him. A day or two after date 4 he called me in the evening & at the end of the conversation I told him that while I enjoy talking with & spending time with him (true), I wasn't feeling the way I thought I should feel about someone I'm pursuing a romantic relationship with, & didn't want to waste his time. He thanked me & we haven't talked since then, although we do have a Words with Friends game going on that we're both still playing. I consider myself to be a passionate woman, normally when I've kissed someone I'm dating, I've felt an increased sense of attraction & I didn't feel like that with him. It wasn't like kissing my grandma but it wasn't much more than that. My question is whether I should contact him again to see if he's interested in going out even a few more times, to see if I do somehow develop more of a romantic feeling toward him? I don't know if that's realistically even possible, I'd just like opinions on this. Do romantic feelings really ever develop if there isn't even a spark in the beginning?
Shashasha Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I find this ridiculous. You tell him you dont feel it and crush his jopes and now you want to give it some more time??? This isnt a game! You sre just leading him on if things dont work out a second time.
Ok Good Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 No, leave him alone Just trust your initial instincts and move on 1
soccerrprp Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I find this ridiculous. You tell him you dont feel it and crush his jopes and now you want to give it some more time??? This isnt a game! You sre just leading him on if things dont work out a second time. Again, I am reminded why some people are pissed about dating. Some people are so wishy-washy. OP thought he may be needy, but not too excessive. Is he or isn't he? Was this even a real concern? Now, after telling him you're not interested, you want to know if it's okay to contact him and try again?????????? It sounds like you're waiting for something better and until that happens, you're going to keep this guy around.... OMG. 3
winny Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Wow you are 50 and wondering about such things...?? If I was that guy, I would go not out with you.... if you reach back to me again....
Author MixedUpChick Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I find this ridiculous. You tell him you dont feel it and crush his jopes and now you want to give it some more time??? This isnt a game! You sre just leading him on if things dont work out a second time. No kidding... thank you for stating the obvious I just wanted to know if I was being too hasty or if people thought it was possible for those feelings to actually develop in time. Obviously one reason I haven't done anything is because of the risk of nothing changing, & not wanting to cause him any pain. I've met a few men who I had amazing chemistry with but they had major shortcomings in other areas; this is the first time I've been in this particular situation and I wanted objective opinions - since friends usually tell you what they think you want to hear.
soccerrprp Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 No kidding... thank you for stating the obvious I just wanted to know if I was being too hasty or if people thought it was possible for those feelings to actually develop in time. Obviously one reason I haven't done anything is because of the risk of nothing changing, & not wanting to cause him any pain. I've met a few men who I had amazing chemistry with but they had major shortcomings in other areas; this is the first time I've been in this particular situation and I wanted objective opinions - since friends usually tell you what they think you want to hear. Of course feelings could change after time. But do this guy a favor, if you're still looking elsewhere and have no intention of giving him every chance, don't contact him and move on.
Author MixedUpChick Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 soccer & winny: For some reason, you assume that just because I'm 50, I have dating all figured out? I barely dated anyone before getting married, and was married for a long time. I thought this forum was designed to help people figure these things out, not belittle them for not knowing everything. I also never suggested keeping him around until something better comes along, I don't date very often at all & when I do, I never date more than one person at a time. It would be helpful if people would read what I wrote & ask questions instead of assuming I meant something different than what I actually said, & asked for opinions about.
soccerrprp Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 My apologies. I find your age to be insignificant. I obviously don't know your dating style or habits as that is not evident in your original post. So, based on assumptions, sorry, I made my assessment. Per myself, I did answer your question. 1
Author MixedUpChick Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Thanks, it's fine, I appreciate the feedback. I thought my original post on this topic was long enough & was expecting there might be some followup questions where I could provide additional info. In any case, I'm operating under the assumption that I wasn't feeling a romantic attraction because we weren't right for each other; I'm content to be spending my evenings again either at home alone or out with friends, instead of spending more time with someone "in the hopes" that an attraction would somehow materialize. I think it's highly unlikely that would have happened anyway.
deathandtaxes Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Please, please don't contact this guy. You already rejected him. Rejection sucks. It hurts. I do applaud you for being honest with him. Now let him go.
Eternal Sunshine Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Leave him be. You did the right thing.
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