kat133 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 So this is going to be long. Please give me some advice. I've asked friends but I feel like their opinions are jaded. They think this guy likes me bc they think it's what I want to hear. I'm convinced. Ok here goes. I met this man(D)a little over a month ago. We met through our mutual friend (M). Our first encounter is when I went to the D's house with M to hang out. We also had another male friend with us. While we were hanging out D seemed to want to know more about me. General questions nothing crazy. We also exchanged numbers that night. First thoughts: his house is bad ass. One of the nicest I've seen and it was ridiculously clean and I'm pretty sure he didn't know my friend M was bringing anyone with him. I also noticed he was good looking, nice and has a really good body. I didn't show any interest bc I wasn't. I wasn't even thinking about it. Before we arrived the mutual friend M advised me that D has recently moved bc his divorce was just finalized. The first night we hung out without our mutual friend was just for a drink at his place so I text him told him I was on the way but that I was walking. He lives a few blocks from me and we live in the city so it's normal for ppl to walk but it was kinda cold- not bad I just wanted to walk and not take my car such a short distance. I didn't realize while I was walking that he was txting me asking where I was. When I did I had just arrived outside of his building. He called me I told him I was there but where was he? Oh in his car trying to find me so I wouldn't be cold. I thought that was really sweet. We had a drink and talked it was cool. The next night M was out drinking and invited me out. I went and he also invited the girl he's seeing and D. D shows up and I didn't realize it at time- bc I had only known him for a week and seen him twice but he was hammered. We decided to hop to another bar and all of us got in a cab. D starts rubbing on me but I felt uncomfortable about it. I'm really weird when I drink sometimes and I still felt like I didnt know him plus I'm aware he dates other women so I just kind of ignored his advances. So fast forward to now. We still txt occasionally. I always let him initiate. He usually gets right back to me but sometimes he doesn't but he will apologize saying he was really busy. I've started to notice that he texts me more frequently after 1 am on weekends. I am not a fan of this bc he seems like he's out for 1 thing. So one night he txt me late and I told him what I was doing. He came out to meet me and we stayed out all night and ended up back at a friends place. At first we were just talking- I have no idea what about we definitely were drunk and should have been home so he out of nowhere kisses me and we end up making out a little but I stopped it. Why? Bc I'm not just the girl u can hookup with and whatever. I'm looking for something other than a booty call and he's never taken me out on a date. No cookie for u! Plus like I said I'm pretty positive he dates around he is really attractive and newly divorced. Last night he txt me super late asking what I was up to. Since I'm over the late night txts and the group he's trying to lump me in I have yet to respond. My whole issue is I can't tell if this guy likes me or if he's just looking to find me on the right night to be my friend when I'm lonely. I get that he's busy sometimes and has a lot of responsibilities but I think if he really did he would try to take me out, hang out with me more-- something! My friends seem to think he has a crush on me as well but I think they are just telling me that bc they know I have one on him even though I don't ever act like it around him. He knows I'm a night owl and stay out pretty late but still. I'm also confused as to why he would be trying to bang me even though he knows I'm best friends with our mutual friend! Do guys just really not care about that? Besides our mutual friend we have several other people we know in common so I just don't get it. I don't want to pressure him or ask him where we stand bc i don't feel like it's anything like that at this point. I have to stay in contact w him for a specific reason so I don't want to cut off communication. And besides the making out thing that was short and nothing I have given him no indication that I like him. I haven't even said anything about it to our mutual friend. Help me! Any advice is appreciated!
Grumpybutfun Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 He is waiting for the right moment when you give in and become his booty call. Otherwise, he would contact you for a date. When he is sober. Sorry, Grumps 1
Author kat133 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 That's what I thought I still don't understand why after a little over a month he would still be trying. Wouldn't he have moved on to another girl by now?
BlametheIrish Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 That's what I thought I still don't understand why after a little over a month he would still be trying. Wouldn't he have moved on to another girl by now? Brcause uts a numbers game. The more women he chats up on text, the more chances to get some. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 He could be discreetly having sex with other women right now and you would never know it. Men do not usually discuss this with their female acquaintances, especially if they think there is opportunity for her to become his next booty call. You have given him snacks and now he is waiting until he can get you to let him have the full meal. Terrible analogy, but point taken, I hope. Men who want relationships will date you. Men who are coming out of a marriage want to get a steady supply of sex as if they are still married. If they never got laid in their marriage, they want it all, they want it now, and they will have less inhibitions when they are drunk at 2 a.m. Stop accepting the calls If being a booty call isn't acceptable because that is where it is headed. Men know how to slowly lure women in with flirting and longevity in contact until the woman feels there is something more there, as he almost did with you. Sleep with who you want but only with a clear understanding of what it is really is...this is a booty call. You can do better, G 1
CarrieT Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 He is texting you late at night, looking for a booty call. If he were remotely interested in you, he would ask you on a proper date. Wait for that. Don't play the texting game… Also, if he is fresh from a divorce let him go around and get hook-ups from others. Be the girl that is different from the others; i.e., don't get get drunk and party with him, etc... 1
Author kat133 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Thanks everyone for your advice! I'm not the hookup kind of girl I like to be wooed in a sense so he's really got me effed up. I'm almost certain he is definitely hooking up with other women and I don't really know his history so I'm definitely not going to give in no matter how nice he is to me or how good he looks. I just can't believe he would try this with his mutual friends best girlfriend. Every. Weekend.My friend is pretty protective over me and he shared some things with me about D after he witnessed D's interest on the night we were in the cab together. Those things were things he knew would make me uninterested and sadly enough I don't know my best friends motives in that. Men aren't complicated but they are frustrating as hell.
Aquanut Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Men aren't complicated? Hell. I'm so complicated I can't even understand myself. But this one is a simple case of him just wanting sex. He will keep contacting you every now and then unless you tell him to stop. 1
ffw Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Thanks everyone for your advice! I'm not the hookup kind of girl I like to be wooed in a sense so he's really got me effed up. I'm almost certain he is definitely hooking up with other women and I don't really know his history so I'm definitely not going to give in no matter how nice he is to me or how good he looks. I just can't believe he would try this with his mutual friends best girlfriend. Every. Weekend.My friend is pretty protective over me and he shared some things with me about D after he witnessed D's interest on the night we were in the cab together. Those things were things he knew would make me uninterested and sadly enough I don't know my best friends motives in that. Men aren't complicated but they are frustrating as hell. It is more of an opportunity or rather a comfort level to make sexual advances. Everyone has different values and point of view at looking things.
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