crazyfast Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 My ex girlfriend split from me around 3 months ago, I made contact with her several times to try and get her back but did not work. She contacted a friend of mine and told her to say thank you to me for pushing her to apply for university, and she has now applied.. like i wanted to know this since we've split? She phoned me late last night crying because she had a horrible day at work, and that she didn't know who else to call. She has a new boyfriend, why didn't she call him? why me? - we got chatting and she admitted that she still wears my boxer shorts and tshirt for sleeping in, even when shes with her man!? Few weeks ago she contacted another friend to say that she is missing me and that she just wants to hear my voice.. And she still loves me and that she has been thinking of the good times in the relationship.. I'm so confused by all this, is she slowly trying to come back?
pickflicker Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Stop talking to her immediately. What is happening here borders on emotional cheating. Ignore het next attempts to contact you. 1
notthathard Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Na she needs emotional support that you were giving her when you were together. Don't fall for this, as pick said stop talking to her as you are giving her what she wants. Don't be the person who wipes away her tears and makes her feel better. 1
Author crazyfast Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Stop talking to her immediately. What is happening here borders on emotional cheating. Ignore het next attempts to contact you. I want her back though, surely me ignoring her the next time she calls is going to make things look like I don't want her etc?
Author crazyfast Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Na she needs emotional support that you were giving her when you were together. Don't fall for this, as pick said stop talking to her as you are giving her what she wants. Don't be the person who wipes away her tears and makes her feel better. It's difficult though, I really want her and still care about her 100%
JDPT Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 You are now her doormat. She kicked you to the curb yet still expects you to be there for her in times of distress. You must break their vicious cycles at once. She is a big girl we all have bad days doesn't mean I'm going to call my ex and tell he all about it. Be strong and next time she calls, because I'm confident that she will, simply do not pick up. And if she insists posts here if you have the urge to reply. We'll tell you exactly what to do. 3
CaliBabe Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 She is using you as an emotional crutch. To help comfort her but she doesn't want to be with you. Do you want to be that man? Keep her at a distance until she comes begging back. Don't let her use you. 3
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I want her back though, surely me ignoring her the next time she calls is going to make things look like I don't want her etc? It makes you look like you are a man with a set of balls and not one of her girl friends. Because that's basically what you are when you have emotional conversations with her when she is dating someone else. 5
somedude81 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 She phoned me late last night crying because she had a horrible day at work, and that she didn't know who else to call. She has a new boyfriend, why didn't she call him? why me? - Did you ask her why you and not him? If she answers that they don't talk about stuff like that, then say something like, "So why are you with him?" Let her figure things out.
malxme Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 My ex girlfriend split from me around 3 months ago, I made contact with her several times to try and get her back but did not work. She contacted a friend of mine and told her to say thank you to me for pushing her to apply for university, and she has now applied.. like i wanted to know this since we've split? She phoned me late last night crying because she had a horrible day at work, and that she didn't know who else to call. She has a new boyfriend, why didn't she call him? why me? - we got chatting and she admitted that she still wears my boxer shorts and tshirt for sleeping in, even when shes with her man!? Few weeks ago she contacted another friend to say that she is missing me and that she just wants to hear my voice.. And she still loves me and that she has been thinking of the good times in the relationship.. I'm so confused by all this, is she slowly trying to come back? I completely understand how this is making you feel. Why would she be contacting you unless she still wanted you, right? Because she DOES want you. Because you were there for her, you were comfortable and familiar. But there is some reason that she ISNT coming back. Maybe she realises her new bf doesnt even compare to you, but is too proud to admit she made a mistake? Or she just got scared of the seriousness of your relationship? or any number of reasons! Whatever the reason, I think everybody else is right, you need to stop letting her lean on you. Let HER decide if she wants you in her life, dont let her just use you for emotional support. If you feel its necessary, next time she contacts you, tell her. Tell her she cant just call you when she needs you when she has another boyfriend. Tell her she needs to either be with you or be with him. Not both!
pickflicker Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I want her back though, surely me ignoring her the next time she calls is going to make things look like I don't want her etc? All talking to her will do is make you her emotional crutch. You won't win her back. You need to ignore her, until she sorts her crap out.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Your time has value. If she wants your time, she has to be willing to do whatever it takes to get your time. When you just cowtow to her, you lose attraction in her eyes. Women aren't attracted to the person who listens to their sob stories. 1
goldfighter3 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Best thing to do next time she calls is just tell her as much as you'd like to be there for her it is not fair on her boyfriend, that you don't want her to be the one age emotionally cheats on her boyfriend with, and that if she wants that from you she's going to have to leave him and you can then see where things go QUOTE=crazyfast;5459814]My ex girlfriend split from me around 3 months ago, I made contact with her several times to try and get her back but did not work. She contacted a friend of mine and told her to say thank you to me for pushing her to apply for university, and she has now applied.. like i wanted to know this since we've split? She phoned me late last night crying because she had a horrible day at work, and that she didn't know who else to call. She has a new boyfriend, why didn't she call him? why me? - we got chatting and she admitted that she still wears my boxer shorts and tshirt for sleeping in, even when shes with her man!? Few weeks ago she contacted another friend to say that she is missing me and that she just wants to hear my voice.. And she still loves me and that she has been thinking of the good times in the relationship.. I'm so confused by all this, is she slowly trying to come back? 1
Author crazyfast Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 In fairness i do think she wants me back, she has done things I'd never of dream'd her doing.. 1
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 In fairness i do think she wants me back, she has done things I'd never of dream'd her doing.. In all fairness, until she specifically says this, she's just stringing you along. You need to go NC until she declares specifically what she wants.
Shadowburn Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 In fairness i do think she wants me back, she has done things I'd never of dream'd her doing.. She wants you because she can't have you. The second she'd secure you're being there for her, she'd suddenly remember how wonderful is her new bf, and will be gone...until next time she'd feel you're slipping away and morning on. Then poof! She'd be back again.
Simon Phoenix Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 In fairness i do think she wants me back, she has done things I'd never of dream'd her doing.. Well, if she wants you back she'll come out and tell you that she's made a mistake and wants you back. Until she does that, nothing she has to say has any value to you. So don't be a wuss.
Armyguy123 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 As per the breakup guide; any contact from the ex that is not spefically saying "I am sorry, I made a huge mistake, I can't live with out you" should be considered as irrelavant BS. She probably feels guilty that she hurt you, and she did. Don't allow yourself to be friendzoned by her, to be her tissuebox, or what I call which is even more demasculating; "Her emotional Tampon" that she uses during her sad and emotional times and discards after its been used. Think of it this way, do you want to be her shoulder to cry on, and when shes done, goes and sleeps with guy. Go 100% NC its hard, but it gets easier with more time. Make her feel the pain of losing you, because that is honestly what she chose by breaking up with you. You have no choice but to deal with the cards you've been dealt. NC is the only choice. It took me 3 months of doing what you did to finally figure it out. Now I have my confidence back and have other women hitting on me a lot. Yes I still miss my ex deeply, but I wouldn't go back to the emotional needy wreck I was shortly after the break up. Good luck man
Author crazyfast Posted January 20, 2014 Author Posted January 20, 2014 She's just sent me a follow request on Twitter? I really don't understand her behaviour..
JDPT Posted January 20, 2014 Posted January 20, 2014 She's just sent me a follow request on Twitter? I really don't understand her behaviour.. It's not your job to understand it. However, it's your job to ignore it. 1
Author crazyfast Posted January 21, 2014 Author Posted January 21, 2014 In a fairness, what is ignoring her going to do, she might want me back but doesn't want to admit it yet?
Chi townD Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 In a fairness, what is ignoring her going to do, she might want me back but doesn't want to admit it yet? Dude, get a grip! Look at this with your brain and not your heart. You are an emotional tampon. She told you when she had a bad day and she called to talk to you. She told you that she had no one else to turn to. So, you need to looking at it this way, her new boyfriend doesn't want to hear about it. Therefore, she's using you because you used to listen to her when she was having a bad day. She's cake eating now. She's getting her emotional needs met by you and the physical needs met by him. She has the best of both worlds! She calls you and you give her an ego boost and you make her feel better. Now that she's feeling all better, she jumps in bed with this other dude. How is that fair to you? She left you. She made a choice to have you out of her life. You didn't want that, but that's what she chose. Therefore, she has to live with her decision. She can have 100% of you or nothing at all. She needs to know that you are not going to be at her beck and call. She needs to see what life is going to be like without you in it. Ignore everything dude. Post here instead. Time to heal and move on. 4
JDPT Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 That's howninwoil have replied. You don't need to cater to her any further, she is a big girl, she can take care of herself, who is taking care of you??? Let this one go, start healing and keep the little bit of dignity you have left.
ravssss Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 now even if u want her back continuing this isnt gonna make any difference ... let her come out and say it loud and not hint ...
mtnbiker3000 Posted January 21, 2014 Posted January 21, 2014 You keep saying you don't understand, but it's really quite simple. Difficult, but simple. Please re-read all of the replies until it makes sense. Because, it does make sense, you just can't see it yet...
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