See_ker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I'm a 26 year old beautiful woman. I'm not a size zero but that does not in anyway affect the way I look (I've been told) or the way I carry myself. I'm cheerful, educated and I have a good job. Trouble is I just can't seem to meet the right man! I started using online dating two years ago because I was studying and working which doesn't leave much room for meeting people. Plus I'm not into clubbing or bar hopping. Since then, I've met a variety of men that do not suit at all. Majority wants sex, some pretends to care but later confess they just wants something casual, people that tend to tell me about other dates they've arranged, bearing in mind they didn't ask me or then realise their mistake and ask me (I say no!). I even met and dated someone who was hiding a gf (I found out through my boss). The ones that want relationships always have baggage like they've been hurt in the past (and seem to think that gives them the right to mess other people about) or kids (I like kids but would prefer someone that doesn't already have some). After recently meeting someone who I think is using the fact that he has been hurt in the past as an excuse to waste my time, I'm left to ask if I am doing something wrong. I know this person is wasting my time because he has told me we wants the same thing and would like to make things work but his actions says the opposite! I have been very understanding about him being afraid to take a chance with someone else but his actions aren't exactly encouraging! He's failed to confirm plans to meet once, which in my book classifies as standing me up (he claimed to be scared of things going well and not being able to handle it - last time I checked, I wasn't a man-eater :D); he doesn't communicate well, he's a one-message-of-hello in a week kind of guy; and he actually properly stood me up. I was left to stand in freezing cold for 50 minutes despite confirming he will be there 2 days before. I'm not asking him to fall in love with me or say it and he's already bailing?? To be honest, I think he may be lying about being hurt in the past and being nervous and just equally be hiding a wife or gf. Here is what I typically do after I message someone or someone messages me: - We have some less serious conversations which I leave to their sense of humour or whatever they are interested in (I draw the line at someone tlling me the wonders of google or dictionary and these have actually happened lol) - We move on to finding out what they are looking for amidst the casual conversation. Sometimes I initiate this and other times I go with the flow. I initiate it in situations where the conversation is becoming repetitive or it's looking like the person is much too different -Talk some more online or exchange numbers if they hinted at wanting to meet outside or if I like the sound of them - If they haven't initiated wanting to meet outside, I do it and then go from there. If they don't seem keen on the idea of meeting outside, I move on I'd like genuine advice please Thanks 1
Sand Man Dan Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Yes you are doing something wrong. You're doing online dating, that's what you are doing wrong. 1
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Stop trying so hard, or even looking. It may be that you're giving off "I'm desperate" vibes..... develop the kind of blazing confidence which transmits "I'm alone, but I don't care, because I don't need a man" and be a bit more aloof, mysterious, challenging..... You may find this brings guys round like bees round a honey-pot. Maybe your options will then look more favourable. 3
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 There's no magic formula for OLD. It's a crapshoot really. There's just so many people, and so many in it for different reasons. After 8 months, and 14 dates, I had completely thrown in the towel when I met my guy. I can't tell you how shocked I still am that I found someone who is more that I ever hoped for in a partner. The best advice I can give is to not build up too many expectations or hope behind anyone until you know they're the real thing. Stay open-minded, level-headed and continue to pursue other options in dating. When it starts feeling tiresome and too negative, step back and take a break. Success happens all the time in OLD, but I think when you try to make it happen within a certain timeframe, you're just going to be disappointed with the results. Good Luck! 1
Author See_ker Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Stop trying so hard, or even looking. It may be that you're giving off "I'm desperate" vibes..... develop the kind of blazing confidence which transmits "I'm alone, but I don't care, because I don't need a man" and be a bit more aloof, mysterious, challenging..... You may find this brings guys round like bees round a honey-pot. Maybe your options will then look more favourable. I'm already confident and my confidence shines through all the time. I'm also independent, so not the type waiting on a man to pay my way. My initial worries were these aspects of my personalities may be putting men off but it's who I am. I'm however not sure how I may be giving 'I'm desperate vibes'. Any tips? I don't log on to the dating sites everyday and the above steps of conversation doesn't happen one day after the other.
winny Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Am in similar situation myself... want to see how the discussion progresses...
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I'm already confident and my confidence shines through all the time. I'm also independent, so not the type waiting on a man to pay my way. My initial worries were these aspects of my personalities may be putting men off but it's who I am. I'm however not sure how I may be giving 'I'm desperate vibes'. Any tips? I don't log on to the dating sites everyday and the above steps of conversation doesn't happen one day after the other. What are some of the things that attract you to a man's profile? What are the things you looks for? Although I didn't have real success in past meets, I did manage to meet some nice, interesting guys. They just weren't for me.
Author See_ker Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I do meet nice people that aren't just for me but not all the time. On a basic level, I don't like smokers and a profile with a large amount of abbreviations or text speak puts me off. I like to see a job, a passion for something e.g. their job or an hobby. I look for interests/activities that suggest they are sociable and intelligent and things that stands out from the usual 'I like and play sports'.
Chica411 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I'm REALLY picky, and there seem to be a lot of "wrong" guys in the world of online dating. It's a long process, one I'm still in. I think sometimes it's easy to accidentally give off the wrong vibes, intentional or not. For me I'm more upfront about how I'm a single Mom, but mention my son sees his Dad on weekends, we live on our own. It's not you, but it just takes time to find someone!
d0nnivain Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 OLD is kind of like a bar you can go to in your PJs. It's no more or less random. If you want to meet quality men, you may find a few OL but you also have to look other places. Tell friends you are open to introductions. Look around & see who's there when you get your morning coffee of have lunch. Attend industry events & network that way. Join a group that does something you are interested in. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I'm not even that attractive; I'm definitely not beautiful. Yet I've managed to meet nice guys who were very interested in me. I had a 2.5 year relationship with a guy I met online. He was good looking and he was my best friend, but just the wrong match, ultimately. I met another great guy who was really into me, who I didn't feel it with. Another guy fell head over heels in love with me and was a GREAT catch. He would have been an ideal partner. Sadly, I didn't feel it with him. He had a high paying job, too... he spoiled me. AND, I met my current partner online. I wasn't expecting to find a boyfriend for a long time, either. I was really pleasantly surprised. I can't believe how well we fit together. I also met two good quality friends off the free site I used. So yeah. It comes down to luck and how easily you feel chemistry with guys. Also, if you are a PHD professional who's gorgeous looking and with good personality, you will be hard pressed to find a guy who has all the same credentials as you, who is also handsome AND has a fantastic personality. I personally go for a personality I fit in well with, adequate education and STRONG chemistry. That's pretty much all I need; a guy who treats me well, who's a decent person and who I have that wow factor with. Are your standards limiting your options? 1
Author See_ker Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 @ D0nnivain While I run into plenty of good looking men at the cafe and on commute, I don't have the courage to go speak with them. I have joined two groups that do something I'm interested where I've made good friends but no luck through them yet. @Leigh 87 I'm sure you are a beautiful great person Like I said, I'm not a model looking type and I don't want a FIT guy so to speak. To be honest, my only physical requirement is someone taller than me with a nice face/smile. On my friends' advice, I've changed the way I date so much, I feel like if I drop any more standards, all the men in my region will fit my criteria! While I don't want to be rigid, I also want to maintain a certain degree of integrity. Thinking about what you said and the men I've met, I tend to find good personality in people that don't have other things I want, if that makes sense. Most of the time, I find what I want in men with emotional baggage, something I really don't want. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.
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