TakingControlOfMC Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Before I begin I am a lesbian so please do not judge me. I've been in a relationship with a married woman for 9yrs. When we first met I did not know she had a husband. I would go to her house periodically in the beginning never seeing any pictures of him nor did she wear a wedding ring. At the time she had two kids who she brought around me and at times I spent the night so I had no reason to doubt anything. Fast forward, I found out about the husband a month and a half into the relationship but had already developed feelings for her and she led me to believe that they were getting a divorce. He lived with his mom which is why I never saw interaction with them. Fast forwarding again, he moves back home with her due to her not being able to financially support herself (but never did anything to get or keep a job). We would argue all the time over me feeling as though we would never be more than what we were, arguing that they were sleeping together. Yes, I know they are married but she swore they lived together just for the kids. Also, she would spend weeks at a time at my house with the kids which made me think that she was telling the truth. Over the course of our relationship we broke up more times than I can count. One of the last times we broke up before this time was because she got pregnant by him. I was beyond devastated, went into a deep DEEEEEEEP depression. I went NC for many months yet me being the pathetic person that I've become took her back. Fast forward one last time, she claimed she was going to get things together for us to be together, nothing changed, no job mo ambition just false hopes. She broke up with me on the 2nd of this month and said she wanted us to just be friends and at the time I agreed but kept crying and getting angry so the last time we talked was on my bday which was the 9th of this month and she said happy bday and goodnight. I haven't heard from her since, I haven't called, I can't stop crying I feel like a loser, I feel pathetic. She's tried leaving me many times before yet I always beg and plead for us to be together. I hate who I have become. I've never been this in love with anyone yet why have I been so damn stupid all of these years. You would have thought that common sense would have told me to leave years ago especially when she got pregnant. The husband found out about us years ago and in front of me she told him that she loved me. We have matching tattoos, hell, my name is even tattood on her. God I just feel pathetic, empty, lonely, angry. Just a ball of emotions. I just want this horrible pain to end.
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Move further away, and see a therapist. This is toxic, soul-destroying and it's depleting you and sucking the life out of you. I give a phukk that you're a lesbian, and frankly your big mistake was staying after you discovered her marriage was real. It's done. But you need professional help. Get it.
Author TakingControlOfMC Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 @TaraMaiden - Thank you for responding. It's funny you mentioned seeing a therapist, I made an appointment last week to see a therapist this week due to not being able to manage my feelings. You are right, I should have left a long time ago I just wanted to truly believe in her saying I was who she wanted to be with. I'm so broken right now
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