nicepuzzle Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 To cover is A** he lied about me to his family that I was close with. Sometimes I feel like telling them the truth and sometimes feel like blocking everyone and walk away. I told his wife the truth and they both covered their asses and lied about me to his family. Should I tell the truth to his other family including his old parents, who genuily loved me until he lied about me to them?
Journee Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I think you should just leave it alone. His parent's likely will not pick sides with you anyhow. It will get you no where fast. I think you should just wash your hands of it all. You will not have to be covered in the nuclear waste that his BS and family will be for some time to come. Take this chance to start fresh! I don't think you will regret it in the long run. 5
carhill Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 He said, she said usually turns upon who either has the most social status and popularity or who is the most convincing and/or believable. If you 'tell', IMO merely submit undeniable concrete evidence to a key family member and let it go from there. In the 'old days', it would be 'In flagrante delicto' pictures by a PI. Nowadays, any number of digital means of recording undeniable interactions is sufficient. E-mails can be faked/IM's can be faked. A video and/or sound recording is a lot harder to fake. Handwritten cards or letters are hard to fake. Etc, etc. Good luck.
awkward Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 My advice is not to contact his family. No contact with him and HIS family. If only people would take the advice they get here, they could save themselves so much pain.
ComingInHot Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Why would you tell His aging Parents about you sleeping with him? To hurt Him? His Wife? His Parents? His extended Family? Even with "evidence", even with a video of you and Their Son getting it on would change the fact that he is Their Son and Family and that you knew he was M'd and Still had sex with him. They will be devastated, for sure But will look at the fact that regardless of how he threw you under the bus, he AND His Wife are Choosing to stay together and You are still doing whatever You can to make things worse. (That may be how your contact is perceived). Then where does that leave you? I think that since you had decided to hide the truth when you wanted an A with MM, the only reason to want the truth out now is because things didn't go how you wanted. I am so sorry you are hurting and feeling run over because of all the junk involved in an A. Right now though, the healthiest thing for you is to become happy within yourself again. You are better than involving aging parents and family of mm. I wish you only good things going forward. Beat exmm by showing him without a doubt how much better off you are Without him!!* 1
whatatangledweb Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 You ended the affair around six months ago by telling his wife. The affair ended. There is no reason to tell his family other than payback. That can backfire on you. He will tell them whatever they need to hear to make them believe him over you. This will make you look worse in their eyes. Telling them would only cause harm to innocent people. You got your payback when you told his wife. You need to let it go. It will just keep eating at you, making you miserable. Block them. 1
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Why would you tell His aging Parents about you sleeping with him? To hurt Him? His Wife? His Parents? His extended Family? Even with "evidence", even with a video of you and Their Son getting it on would change the fact that he is Their Son and Family and that you knew he was M'd and Still had sex with him. They will be devastated, for sure But will look at the fact that regardless of how he threw you under the bus, he AND His Wife are Choosing to stay together and You are still doing whatever You can to make things worse. (That may be how your contact is perceived). Then where does that leave you? I think that since you had decided to hide the truth when you wanted an A with MM, the only reason to want the truth out now is because things didn't go how you wanted. I am so sorry you are hurting and feeling run over because of all the junk involved in an A. Right now though, the healthiest thing for you is to become happy within yourself again. You are better than involving aging parents and family of mm. I wish you only good things going forward. Beat exmm by showing him without a doubt how much better off you are Without him!!* Please read my other posts before judging me and blaming me for having an A. I was just a victim.
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 You ended the affair around six months ago by telling his wife. The affair ended. There is no reason to tell his family other than payback. That can backfire on you. He will tell them whatever they need to hear to make them believe him over you. This will make you look worse in their eyes. Telling them would only cause harm to innocent people. You got your payback when you told his wife. You need to let it go. It will just keep eating at you, making you miserable. Block them. You are right. I am at a good position now and dont want to be dirty anymore. I will just block everyone for good. The funniest thing is that he didnt tell them about about A but other lies so they dont contact me. When they asked him why they shouldnt see me he found other things to say than A.
rumbleseat Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Please stop thinking of yourself as a victim. Until you do, you will never heal. Accept you made choices, learn from them, and move on. 2
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 YOu are right but I go in waves. I feel great for few days and than one day comes with depression and getting negative and angry. Waiting to feel better completly.
ComingInHot Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Sorry if I upset you ! I was actually trying to give you a perspective from MM'S Family and what they may very well believe should you say something. If you NEVER once Knew he was ever M'd, I sincerely apologize* You were in fact then the victim! I'll read your older posts right now* 1
whatatangledweb Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 You are right. I am at a good position now and dont want to be dirty anymore. I will just block everyone for good. The funniest thing is that he didnt tell them about about A but other lies so they dont contact me. When they asked him why they shouldnt see me he found other things to say than A. I know it hurts to be lied about. I have had it happen to me. It sucks. But unfortunately you can not change that. I would say he told them lies so they wouldn't believe you if you outed the affair to them like with his wife. My husband's family does not know about his affair. I found no need to tell them. That affair wasn't about them. Just as I didn't out the OW to her family. He would have many good reasons not to tell them and no good reason to tell them. Please block them so you can heal.
MissBee Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 To cover is A** he lied about me to his family that I was close with. Sometimes I feel like telling them the truth and sometimes feel like blocking everyone and walk away. I told his wife the truth and they both covered their asses and lied about me to his family. Should I tell the truth to his other family including his old parents, who genuily loved me until he lied about me to them? No. I wouldn't further embed myself into their lives. The horrible part of this is that once you have an affair a lot of people will not be trying to hear your side. They are HIS family and the wife's family by marriage at the end of the day and even if they sympathize with you they will most likely band together and won't take your side. How will it look to their daughter in law for them to be friends with you? Most won't do it. So it will more likely be a waste or you'll seem pushy and bunny boilerish if you try to tell your side. I don't know what the lies were and unless they are telling it to your employers or your own family and friends they can tell their own family anything they want. I would block everyone and walk away as those relationships most likely cannot be repaired and it's a shortsighted part of As. People have As with friends' spouses or family members and don't really think that the fall out will often mean you lose several relationships or they will never be the same. I would count this as a loss and move on as I almost guarantee trying to"tell your side" will not work out as you hope it will. They either won't believe you or won't care.
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I wouldn't further embed myself into their lives. The horrible part of this is that once you have an affair a lot of people will not be trying to hear your side. They are HIS family and the wife's family by marriage at the end of the day and even if they sympathize with you they will most likely band together and won't take your side. How will it look to their daughter in law for them to be friends with you? Most won't do it. So it will more likely be a waste or you'll seem pushy and bunny boilerish if you try to tell your side. I don't know what the lies were and unless they are telling it to your employers or your own family and friends they can tell their own family anything they want. 2 of his family members already knew about the A since very long time and supported me bu hidden way. One of them apologized to me and other one said he will always be there for me, but cant do much since they know he was lying. They are the one who told me that he lied about me so parents stay out of touch and didnt give me details on what lies. Something about previous job and he was one of the previous employer. Ia m not contacting his family but the family member who cared about me told me that and apologied that they couldnt do much about his lies and even they knew he was lying. Now Iam staying away. i couldnt block them from FB since they look like they care for me, but I blocked post from them. I am focusing on all the positive things that I have going for me at the moment and leaving it behind, but as I said it haunts me sometimes that I got involved with a very low man.
stillafool Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 It is probably best that you break ties with his family as well. Any contact with them is just a reminder of him; and no matter what happened in the past between you and him, he is still their family. It's best not to hear anything from any of them. 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I posted this on your other thread about blocking members, but it appears this is the one that is more active. But here goes again. Stay away from his family. Blood is definitely thicker than water (in most cases). They will choose him and not you. Your best bet is to walk away, live a dignified life and your actions will eventually do the taking for you, For instance, there were a couple of people that said I would be a bunny boiler (my husband included - even told xmom that on dday). I have never, ever exhibited any of that kind of behavior in my life. My husband regrets saying it but says he said it to scare xmom. I honestly think for a time that people thought I would continue to pursue him and harass them - they believed it - and when it did not happen they suddenly had to start considering other options. It takes time - a lot of time. But I can guarantee you that I am looked at in a much better light than xmom is today (now four years later). He is looked at as scum (in his own home town). I also know that he has been able to go to a new church, start a new life and no one there knows a damn thing. I can honestly say that some days that pisses me off and I have thought about enlightening a few people because it seems like he got off Scott free while I had to face it all. But then I realize that won't last forever. All it will take it is one person who knows to walk in there and start talking. Secrets never stay secret and if you are lying and hiding things they come to light eventually. And, for me, I would rather that come from someone else's hand - not mine. So hold your head up, walk with integrity and stay away from them for now. Show them from your actions that you have changed and are living a good and honest life. I am so sorry you are hurting - I totally understand. 1
Aspasia33 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 No one is a victim of an affair. I havnt read your other posts, but if he told you he was single, then you found out he was married, it was still your choice to continue. The MM is not an evil perpetrator, nor the OW some defenseless victim. Neither is the OW some sort of amazing siren luring poor defenseless MM to infidelity(except some of us:) We all make choices, some of them good, and some of them not so good. Its how we deal with these choices, and the responsibility we take for our actions that count. Affairs have the potential to get very ugly and messy, with a hell of a lot of hurt involved for all parties, its just the nature of the beast. I would not contact my MM family, simply as it would be an invasion of his privacy, I love him, and do not want to hurt him, or his wife or children. They have done nothing against me, and i would also hope that my MM would protect my family if the circumstances where the same. Please read my other posts before judging me and blaming me for having an A. I was just a victim. 2
Aspasia33 Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 When my fiancee left me for my best friend, i went sort of mad for a few years....I wanted to tell everyone what had happened (his family, friends ect) and the urge to stalk him and my "friend" was extreme. I resised...I had to much dignity to do it, I did beg him to come back to me once though:sick: The best revenge truly is living a happy life. I posted this on your other thread about blocking members, but it appears this is the one that is more active. But here goes again. Stay away from his family. Blood is definitely thicker than water (in most cases). They will choose him and not you. Your best bet is to walk away, live a dignified life and your actions will eventually do the taking for you, For instance, there were a couple of people that said I would be a bunny boiler (my husband included - even told xmom that on dday). I have never, ever exhibited any of that kind of behavior in my life. My husband regrets saying it but says he said it to scare xmom. I honestly think for a time that people thought I would continue to pursue him and harass them - they believed it - and when it did not happen they suddenly had to start considering other options. It takes time - a lot of time. But I can guarantee you that I am looked at in a much better light than xmom is today (now four years later). He is looked at as scum (in his own home town). I also know that he has been able to go to a new church, start a new life and no one there knows a damn thing. I can honestly say that some days that pisses me off and I have thought about enlightening a few people because it seems like he got off Scott free while I had to face it all. But then I realize that won't last forever. All it will take it is one person who knows to walk in there and start talking. Secrets never stay secret and if you are lying and hiding things they come to light eventually. And, for me, I would rather that come from someone else's hand - not mine. So hold your head up, walk with integrity and stay away from them for now. Show them from your actions that you have changed and are living a good and honest life. I am so sorry you are hurting - I totally understand.
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I went back and read all your your threads because I was interested. You claim to be a victim, and I was expecting to read that you'd entered into this affair not knowing he was married, but I never saw that. Did I read right that you'd been NC with him for 6 years, and then got back together with him? You also said that he "made" you become friends with his wife and family. Not sure how that works either. I can tell you're hung up on this guy. Sounds like he broke your heart. But, please stop looking at yourself as a victim. After 6 years of NC, you had to know what you were volunteering for. He is a serial cheater, nothing more. Really, you should be extremely happy to be rid of him and not his BS. I can only image how crappy her life must be. As far as contacting his family goes, that would be a HUGE mistake. They have formed their own opinions about you, him, the affair, his sham marriage. Making contact with them and attempting to plead your case, will make you look desperate and a tad crazy. As most others have shared, let it go. Didn't I also read that you are in a relationship with a single guy? How is that going with all this obsession with the affair and the xMM? I wish you peace. Here is how I am victim. I worked for him new in the country, young and alone. He had all the power. He persued me and I didnt sleep with him for 6 years but slowly after spending so much time with him he made me extremly emotional and told me how is is raising an illegimate child and why he is cheating and he got some happiness being with me. We held each other for hours being every close emotionally and physically but no sex. During this time he made me close to all his family and they genuily cared. Despite of all of this, I moved on in a dignified manner, wishing him well and successfully did NC for 6 years. I was'tn hung up with this guy and had moved on with a wonderful man, however I couldnt love anyone like that but had a good compatible relationship. After 6 years he apologized and cried about his miserable life and past memories and I believed him. He made me believe he was back to me for good. I agree it was my fault. Once I asked about his other women he backed off and told me lets be friends again...He disturbed the life I build in all those years and after doing what he didnt do earlier(have complete sex) he backs off. I was stuck since I had a huge task of going NC again, sseign his family again and means seeign him again. I had absolutely nochoice but to tell his wife to break the cycle and I did it. May be I am not good affair partner and refused to start a relationship with him and here I am. Its easy to simply believe that 2 people takes to do affair but there could be one person who is good in games and influential and that who he is. I am carrying myself with self respect and refused to be part of it and yes I am sad to loose a family more than loosing him, but what choice I had left. I am rebuildign my current relationship, but havent been able to enjoy sex the same way but workign on it. My partners is loving supporting and adore me. I am not planning to tell rest of the family and is removing myself from them. Good thing is that we are not in the same town and its more of their loss than mine since I am loved and admired by a lot of people. Thanks for your support your advice. it really helps me and I am getting there, I wont let it defeat me.
Author nicepuzzle Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 When my fiancee left me for my best friend, i went sort of mad for a few years....I wanted to tell everyone what had happened (his family, friends ect) and the urge to stalk him and my "friend" was extreme. I resised...I had to much dignity to do it, I did beg him to come back to me once though:sick: The best revenge truly is living a happy life. I agree, I successfully lived a happy life before and i wil do it again . Thanks so much! I dodged a bullet actually.
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