Hoosfoos Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 She's gone, and I have all this time on my hands. I used to take pride in how active and fit I was. The grief and depression (it's almost been 2 months now) has sucked all the vitality out of me and I can't get myself to do anything. I also don't want to do the same things I did with her regularly (hiking, skiing, cycling) because it will just remind me of her and sadden me that I am doing them by myself. I am a shell of the person I used to be. My friends and family don't understand. All I can do right now is drag myself out of bed to go to work, buy my groceries, and hide at home. At the end of the week I am absolutely depleted with these long lonely weekends to face. Plus the weather is horrible right now. My life is entirely sedentary but I can't get myself unstuck. What's the point? The truth is, there were many times when she was disrespectful and unsupportive towards me and did a pretty good job at eroding my confidence. So therefore I should feel free, except I grieve. I don't really understand how this awful force has taken over me.
Onmymind Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I feel the exact same way that you do sometimes. Especially because it can be difficult. You just have to remember that before you're ex you were definitely a person who liked to do many of these things if not different things. You have to remember that you're fully capable of doing these things without her as well. Do you think that she cares whether or not you are sulking by yourself and sadness? I highly doubt it, make sure that you treat yourself and impress yourself the way that you want to because no longer is it for her purpose. You can make yourself amazing by your own will FOR you! Trust me I miss my ex horribly, I also remember all the disrespectful things and actions that she took towards me and in the relationship completely going against and contradicting all the love and values that she supposedly stood for. You need to show humanity how amazing you can become on your own and that way you will fall in love with yourself to the point where it will be very difficult for anyone else not to fall in love with you. Selfishness is only when you benefit whilst you could've helped someone else benefit too and didn't. So its completely okay to be selfish for now! Well, you know what I mean. Keep yourself very busy, if your athletic do some push-ups do some cardio in your own house try not to destroy anything but just keep busy, read a book, write a story. I myself am only 2 1/2 months in and is much sadness and pain is I still have residually I know I've made great leaps and bounds and taking care of myself and making myself a much better person.
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 OP, why do you not have a group of friends? It amazes me how puerile think that ask they need is a significant other. I'd argue that one of the keys to a successful relationship is having your own friends, your own intents, that you can occasionally indulge in when with someone, and a support network to fall back on if the relationship falls apart. So why no friends?
JDPT Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I used to be petrified at weekends. With time I learned to work on a schedule to keep my weekends completely busy, every single moment was accounted for. Ideally that would be the case but try your best to not give yourself any time that will ultimately leave room for ruminating. Stay strong and keep busy.
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 OP, why do you not have a group of friends? It amazes me how people think that all they need is a significant other. I'd argue that one of the keys to a successful relationship is having your own friends, your own interests, that you can occasionally indulge in when with someone, and a support network to fall back on if the relationship falls apart. So why no friends? Corrected for spelling, goddamn it.
Author Hoosfoos Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 So why no friends? I used to have many friends, now down to just a few. Most are married, have kids, relationships of their own and the times we are able to get together are fewer and further between. Sad but true. I also have difficulty in reaching out. It is as if the mechanism for that is broken.
Allumere Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I'm right there with you HF. The weekends are awful and lonely. Fridays are the worst because you hear everyone at work talking about what they are doing for the weekend with friends, significant others, and family and you just hurt even more because you have none of that. I get it completely. As far as having friends it isn't always as easy as people think. At my age they are all married with families so their time is limited. The ones that are not, in my case, live in other states. I live in a rural area that lends itself to no social activity. Folks say "join a club" etc. Well during the week, I commute almost 2 hours a day (to a location that is also in the middle of nowhere) and work about 10-12 hours. By the time I am done, go take care of my horses and try to get to the gym, it is 9pm at the earliest I get home. Trust me, I wish it was different but I can't change my living situation right now. I tried selling my house for several months as well as finding another job and nothing came of it. What makes obvious sense is not always attainable immediately.
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I used to have many friends, now down to just a few. Most are married, have kids, relationships of their own and the times we are able to get together are fewer and further between. Sad but true. I also have difficulty in reaching out. It is as if the mechanism for that is broken. You need to start joining some singles social groups to meet new people.
Author Hoosfoos Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 You need to start joining some singles social groups to meet new people. Good idea, I know...EVERYTHING, including reaching out and getting myself out of the house is so incredibly difficult now. I wish my mind was clear enough to do these things without hangups or fear. Meetup in my city is probably not a good choice because one of my ex's best friends is very active in the community. I want no contact with her. I know a lot of what I am dealing with is mind over matter, but unfortunately right now my mind is kicking my ass.
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