Crila16 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 My ex dumped me via txt 2 months ago like a coward. It's been rough through the holidays, because he was supposed to come home with me...but I survived. Barely. New Years I realized I would never hear from him again if I didn't chase him, which I always had in the past. I wasn't going to give his stubborn self the pleasure. I've been trying to move on when I realized he has 3 of my dad's expensive golf clubs. I didn't want to contact him myself for several reason...main reason, it would have thrown me back 2 months. I also wanted to keep the NC and keep healing and didn't want to give him the pleasure of getting a txt from me. My friend txtd for me over a week ago asking for them back. She was cordial, he was cordial and said he'd look and get back to her. Days later she contacted him again. He said he would contact her the next day, as soon as he got home to look. That was 3 days ago. No I have to man up and txt. I will be cordial and ask to swing by and grab them, but I just want him to leave them outside his house so I don't have to see him. My friend said I'm not a priority in his life anymore, and he probably is just forgetting. My other friend is saying he's pushing his power, because he's very passive aggressive. I'm assuming he'd just want me out of his life as quickly as possible, so I'm surprised he hasn't given them back. Does anyone have any insight as to why he won't just give them back? I need to close this door, even though it hurts to do so. I know once he gives back the clubs I'll have a breakdown, but it's for the best.
margot13 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Who cares why he won't give them back. If you really want them, just make it clear and ask for them. Maybe write an email, and ask if he can leave them outside his house at a particular time and day, or better yet ask him to send them or bring them to your house, friends house etc. I wouldn't be trying to analyze what it all means, he doesn't deserve that energy from you.
Author Crila16 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Thank you. I agree, but it's hard to feel that way when your hearts involved. I never got closure from him, just an abrupt text breaking up with me on a Monday morning...after 3 days before telling me he loved me for the first time, planning my bday party and wanting to move in together. It hurts to think of him just not caring at all. I am going to send the txt point blank asking for my stuff. It's just bad enough having been dumped, if he doesn't give them back...it's just a reminder of how insignificant I was to him. Plus my dad told me I better get those clubs back.
Softie Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 This gets my goat, I had the same issues with my ex. So I had to bite the bullet and contact him directly asking why he is making this more difficult. We ended up fighting over text and email, but a few hours later I had the stuff left on my doorstep. I didn't care, I wanted to close off that last thing, not allowing him the power to be able to contact me about my stuff in the future and being able to use that as an excuse too. So if your strong and bold enough, ask him why is he making it more difficult. Or failing that get your dad to contact him, that might out the wind up him!!
Mondmellonw Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 My ex still has some stuff. Actually, he has one of my favorite books. He never got to read it, but he still has it. I don't want to know anything about him, and I don't want him to reach me out. I guess I'll just buy the damn book again.
Author Crila16 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Thanks for responding. Yes...these are expensive Calloways. I'm not giving him $800 in golf clubs as a reward for breaking my heart. I will finally be the one to txt him. I seriously thought he would try to get rid of me,as quickly as possible. He knows I want the clubs back. I just wish he would so I can close the door for good.
CarrieT Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Can you have a friend show up on his doorstep and ask for the stuff back? 2
Haydn Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Yes this is the way, a friend will do this for you. If he does not comply to this then you know know he is playing a game with you. A 3rd party should be enough to get your things back. He will look like an idiot if he says no. Can you have a friend show up on his doorstep and ask for the stuff back?
deathandtaxes Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Have your dad go over there and pick them up, since their his clubs. Give dad his number and let him handle it. Or another friend. Point is, it's not something you need to worry yourself over. Just have somebody do it. 2
Author Crila16 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I would have my a Dad go over, but he lives in a different state. My Dad gave me the clubs to keep, because I took up golfing. That's how my ex got them when we went to the driving range. I just wanted to do the NC to heal and move on. I don't want to break it, but all my friends are saying that it's me he's waiting to hear from. He keeps telling my friend "I'll check and get back to you." Then he never does. She txtd him again...and he said the same thing and he doesn't get back to her. He also works crazy hours, so I don't know when he's home. He needs to just leave them outside his house in a safe place and I'll swing by and grab them. I'm just nervous about breaking NC.
Author Crila16 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 My ex who dumped me 2 mos ago has my expensive golf clubs. I've been doing the NC as a way to get over him. When I realized 2 wks ago he had them, I had my friend txt for them. She had to txt him twice. He responded cordially both times and said he'd look and get back to her. He didn't, so today I finally bit the bullet and asked for them. He sent a ridiculous msg, repeating twice in the txt that he was away until this Wed. I told him I was away on Thurs until Tues, so I would get them next Wed and to pls not forget. I am really going away on a ski trip, so I'm not lying. I found out he's lying cause my friend called his work and he's there. Why is he lying and why won't he just give them back? I know he has them in the back of his trunk. We're over. He broke up with me. Why won't he just give the back so we can both move on? I've heard of this before. Why won't the dumpers give back the valuables of the dumpees? Why is he lying about being away?
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My ex who dumped me 2 mos ago has my expensive golf clubs. I've been doing the NC as a way to get over him. When I realized 2 wks ago he had them, I had my friend txt for them. She had to txt him twice. He responded cordially both times and said he'd look and get back to her. He didn't, so today I finally bit the bullet and asked for them. He sent a ridiculous msg, repeating twice in the txt that he was away until this Wed. I told him I was away on Thurs until Tues, so I would get them next Wed and to pls not forget. I am really going away on a ski trip, so I'm not lying. I found out he's lying cause my friend called his work and he's there. Why is he lying and why won't he just give them back? I know he has them in the back of his trunk. We're over. He broke up with me. Why won't he just give the back so we can both move on? I've heard of this before. Why won't the dumpers give back the valuables of the dumpees? Why is he lying about being away? He has moved on. Just because he hasn't given the stuff back does not mean he is clinging to the past. It's just material stuff. Let it go. Didn't the gold clubs belong to your Dad? If he's that hard up for the golf clubs, let him handle it. Otherwise, remember that all material possessions traded in a relationship are potential spoils of war. You'd do better to just let them go.
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 OP, you already posted this here http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/454705-why-won-t-he-give-me-my-stuff-back Why do you need to post the same thing again? You received good advice in the other thread. 1
Author Crila16 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 If he's moved on fine. Yes...they belonged to my dad who gave them to me knowing I needed good clubs to take up golfing with. It's fine that he's moved on, but he can just leave them outside. He left a long txt to me telling me he was away when he's not. Why can't he just leave them outside and I'll get them. It's simple and easy. They're mine. Why lie about being away? Maybe he's with a new girlfriend on the trip he promised me. I don't care...just give me my clubs.
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 If he's moved on fine. Yes...they belonged to my dad who gave them to me knowing I needed good clubs to take up golfing with. It's fine that he's moved on, but he can just leave them outside. He left a long txt to me telling me he was away when he's not. Why can't he just leave them outside and I'll get them. It's simple and easy. They're mine. Why lie about being away? Maybe he's with a new girlfriend on the trip he promised me. I don't care...just give me my clubs. You do care, or you'd write off the clubs as casualties of war and move on.
Author Crila16 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Yes but the update I got today was his text....and he lied about being away. I'm upset. Am I not allowed to ask advice for an update?
Author Crila16 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Of course I care. He hurt me. I want my clubs so I can move on and I broke NC which killed me only to get lied to. I just don't know how to get them back so I can close the door.
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yes but the update I got today was his text....and he lied about being away. I'm upset. Am I not allowed to ask advice for an update? Of course you can. My advice is, that he has made himself perfectly clear. Since no agreement was drawn up for the clubs, he's under no legal obligation to return them. He perhaps is under a moral obligaion to return them, but that's not something you can enforce. You would do better to simply not worry about whether he is lying about going away or staying here (because it's none of your concern, and he is free to lie to whomever he wants, go wherever he wants, see whomever he wants) and you must let go of the clubs because they are gone. I always make sure that if I lend anything, that I can live with the possibility of never seeing it again. If I can't, I don't lend it.
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Yes but the update I got today was his text....and he lied about being away. I'm upset. Am I not allowed to ask advice for an update? Please use the other post. It has the whole story in it and numerous responses. No need to reinvent the wheel.
Fufu Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Doesn't matter why he lie. I think your concern now priority is to get back the golf cubs. Have you tried asking your dad to help you to contact him to get back since the clubs belong to your dad? This way you won't risk breaking nc
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Please use the other post. It has the whole story in it and numerous responses. No need to reinvent the wheel. The mods will merge them soon enough, no biggie.
Author Crila16 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Deaths dates...please go away and ignore my post if u don't like it. I'm already hurt enough as it is and have been crying non-stop. I don't need you to respond. This is a site to vent and get advice. If I need it more than once it's not ur business.
deathandtaxes Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 He is lying because he can. Send two guy friends to his work or to his house to retrieve them. End of story. There is zero need for you to contact him.
pickflicker Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Deaths dates...please go away and ignore my post if u don't like it. I'm already hurt enough as it is and have been crying non-stop. I don't need you to respond. This is a site to vent and get advice. If I need it more than once it's not ur business. Regardless of your personal feelings, he is making a good point. Reposting the same story and asking for advice will in general, mean that your threads are merged by the mods, for neatness and so that your story is easier to follow for all users. I think what he's trying to say is, you could have bumped your old thread with a new post and invited more comments. Now, as for your situation, there isn't anything you can do. It's not the clubs that are preventing you from moving on, it is you. 1
Kevin_D Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Since no agreement was drawn up for the clubs, he's under no legal obligation to return them. I don't know where you live, but in my country (and as far as I know in the US as well), this is a crime. If I drop my wallet in your backyard, it's still mine. I don't need an agreement drawn up. The wallet is mine regardless of its location.
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