datingnoob93 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Hi guys, I started dating this girl over a month ago. I did not get a second date until two weeks later after some repeated flaking on her part. We had a third date shortly after but then she disappeared on me for 2 weeks. I kept calling and texting and she finally responded with a somewhat rude text saying she was out of town visiting family. She then sent me an email apologizing and saying she wants to see me again after the semester starts. So I text her yesterday and she says she may be free the upcoming weekend or the next, "she'll let me know." Basically we will be on date number 4 in a 7 or 8 week time span. And seeing how I only got a quick kiss on date number 3, I doubt that I will be getting in her pants any time soon. We rarely have contact in between dates and she almost never initiates a text or call. So I am wondering, what kind of relationship is this? Are we just casually dating, or am I in her friend zone ? Since this girl is so unreliable and busy I've been seeing this other girl very recently. I had 3 dates with her....... in 10 days. We texted each other probably a dozen times a day, and we even got intimate (naked cuddling no sex) on date 3 before I decided that I'm not sexually attracted to her and will not see her again (romantically). Nevertheless, there is obviously a world of difference between the second girl and the first. What can I do to get the first girl to be more like the second? Should I try to have a serious discussion with her on date 4 and ask her what her goals and expectations are? And ask if she is dating other guys too ? It seems like I'm just her go-to guy for taking her out to her favorite restaurants and events every couple of weeks and I don't have anything to show for it in return. Thanks.
acrosstheuniverse Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 She's not interested in you and you're pretty much wasting your time. When I'm into a guy I don't flake on him, act rude or want to wait THAT long between dates if possible. You can't make girl one like girl two, there's no exact science to dating. Your only slight chance is probably to make yourself less available, don't chase her, don't bother to get in touch about the date. She might realise she doesn't have you chasing her and be a little more interested. If she doesn't get in touch and start initiating you have your answer: she isn't into you. 1
MixedUpChick Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 What can I do to get the first girl to be more like the second? Should I try to have a serious discussion with her on date 4 and ask her what her goals and expectations are? And ask if she is dating other guys too ? It seems like I'm just her go-to guy for taking her out to her favorite restaurants and events every couple of weeks and I don't have anything to show for it in return. Thanks. You can't change someone this way, don't even think that's a possibility. Either accept going out with her as a friend every few weeks, or move on. Skip the serious discussion, it sounds like it would only end badly for you if you want to continue seeing her at all.
Author datingnoob93 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I know it sounds like she isn't interested but that's only the impression I get in between dates when we text. We text only once every few days, she gives a lot of one word answers, and sometimes even sounds rude. I can almost never reach her over the phone to actually talk. But in person she is really sweet and lively, and she is always telling me stuff like ooooohhh I really want to see you again, and even comes up with suggestions like lets go ice skating next time, lets go to a concert, lets watch this movie together, etc. So far I have always been able to get her to go out with me again, even if I encounter a lot of flaking like "I'm busy on Saturday" and "I'll let you know later" texts.
StanMusial Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 This reminds me of one of my buddies. He mentioned once when we were hanging out that he had bought this one girl a Christmas present. He said something along the lines of, "I've never dated anyone that I only saw twice in a month". One of us sort of mentioned to him, "Well you aren't really dating her are you?" I think he kind of got the picture. We all knew the girl he was talking about, and we knew he wasn't "dating" her. He liked her, and he wished he was, but that feeling was not reciprocated. However she would throw him a bone here and there just to keep him as an option until she found a real boyfriend.
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