Bishop556 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 So, my ex is rebounding with a guy that she had a one night stand with. I ran into them last night, and it got me thinking. My ex is the type of woman who has to have companionship, otherwise she goes bonkers, so I'm just wondering if a relationship based on sex will last. I know I shouldn't worry, as moving on is my only goal so far, it just bothers me that she could jump into the arms of another man because he showed her the slightest bit of affection. Do relationships like this last?
FortunateSon Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 That is a hard question to answer, most often probably not, but I'm sure sometimes it works for whatever reason. I am dealing with a situation where I have found my ex got into a relationship 4 months after a 6 year RS/engagement. I had a hard time comprehending it as I didn't feel I would be ready for that and when she broke contact and "let me know" she was in a relationship she mentioned she probably shouldn't be in it because of issues from our past relationship and anger she has towards me. It made me think it's a rebound but for all I know the could get engaged and married? When it comes down to it, it is not my concern anymore? Why dwell on it? Move forward and live your life for YOU!
Mondmellonw Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I got onto a weird situation. I was a rebound to a sex-only kind of relationship. I didn't gave him sex, so it didn't worked for him. Maybe in their case it wouldn't be that long either. It depends on her wants, needs and comfort zone. To my ex, well... His comfort zone is sex an partying.
Sasukie Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I honestly just ask myself one question - would I marry a woman like that? If you aren't even married and after a relationship you found so significant, she just went into a relationship right away, what do you think her moral compass is like? If you were married to her in the future - what if she pulls something like that then? I think its irrelevant to judge her based on what you guys had, because most of us must have had fantastic moments in our relationship for us to even consider reconciling. Judge her based on her actions now 1
Author Bishop556 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 One thing that gripes me is this: I have a very high sex drive. If I could have sex six times a day, I would , but even I wouldn't sleep around so soon after the relationship ended. I would focus on self improvement during the first few months of the break up period. I just think she can't be alone for even a month, which is unfortunate as I think she has not learned anything from this break up.
margot13 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I tried it, I thought it might distract me (I got dumped) and I might stop thinking about my ex so much. I went on 3 dates with the same man and on all those dates I just thought about my ex more. And worst thing was my date was really interested in me. I felt terrible and told him the truth. No more dates for me till I am really over it. :-)
InnocentMan Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I honestly just ask myself one question - would I marry a woman like that? If you aren't even married and after a relationship you found so significant, she just went into a relationship right away, what do you think her moral compass is like? If you were married to her in the future - what if she pulls something like that then? I think its irrelevant to judge her based on what you guys had, because most of us must have had fantastic moments in our relationship for us to even consider reconciling. Judge her based on her actions now I'm not sure it's a question of morality. I think some people just have a need for constant attachment, probably due to childhood issues. The motives are generally more emotional, than sexual. The problem is, leaving no gaps between partners, leaves very little space for introspection, and can cause a build up of negative thoughts over a period of time. I don't think it's a particularly healthy way to live, but the behaviour is understandable. It's not really a reflection on their previous relationship, it's more of a learned way of dealing with pain. Ex-partners should not take it as a personal slur, in fact, the quicker your ex 'moves on', can often be an indicator of how much the break-up has affected them. Conversely, some of us just can't live without sex, not even for a week. 3
Sasukie Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I'm not sure it's a question of morality. I think some people just have a need for constant attachment, probably due to childhood issues. The motives are generally more emotional, than sexual. The problem is, leaving no gaps between partners, leaves very little space for introspection, and can cause a build up of negative thoughts over a period of time. I don't think it's a particularly healthy way to live, but the behaviour is understandable. It's not really a reflection on their previous relationship, it's more of a learned way of dealing with pain. Ex-partners should not take it as a personal slur, in fact, the quicker your ex 'moves on', can often be an indicator of how much the break-up has affected them. Conversely, some of us just can't live without sex, not even for a week. I agree with your point, but given that after break ups its all about self interest, you just have to view your situation in that perspective. If she can jump ship so easily, maybe it was a good thing to have avoided spending any more time and effort with this person if they could get over you so quickly. I think most relationships for people in their early and mid 20s will not last sufficiently long to make it to marriage. Its something that we have to accept in this day and age. I would rather be with someone who would weather the storms with you and grow, rather than someone who's more "loose" and is willing to move on the moment a problem arises. 1
hopti Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 my ex of five years jumped into a relationship with his co-worker two weeks after our break-up. It's hard for me to understand and move on as his reasons for breaking up were "learning to be on his own" and he showered me with I love you's and cried. It just didn't make sense. It's been 3 months now. I'm using my time after the BU to work on myself and to learn from this relationship. He has never been single for more than a month since he was 16 (25 now) and is out probably super happy and in the honeymoon phase. All though it sucks, I came to the conclusion that I want to be with someone who knows how to be alone and chooses to be with me. I want to be that person for someone as well. Maybe it's good they eliminated any hope of reconciliation so quick. I feel your pain, but remember that it doesn't matter how long it lasts. It could be months or years or even a lifetime. Either way you need to know that you too will move on. You'll be wiser and have absolutely no attachments to your ex. It will be a fresh start with someone better suited for you as you've grown from this BU and have become aware of "red flags" and what you want in a partner. I am still struggling with this my self and can't really control some disturbing images that keep popping up in my head at times, but hey. what can you do but wait and heal. wish u the best!
Eau Claire Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 So, my ex is rebounding with a guy that she had a one night stand with. I ran into them last night, and it got me thinking. My ex is the type of woman who has to have companionship, otherwise she goes bonkers, so I'm just wondering if a relationship based on sex will last. I know I shouldn't worry, as moving on is my only goal so far, it just bothers me that she could jump into the arms of another man because he showed her the slightest bit of affection. Do relationships like this last? How do you know this? It is an odd conversation to come up when casually bumping into a former partner and he new guy. You know all of their history together? How do you know they don't connect more than through sex? They were out together so they obviously do more in life.
H245 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 So, my ex is rebounding with a guy that she had a one night stand with. I ran into them last night, and it got me thinking. My ex is the type of woman who has to have companionship, otherwise she goes bonkers, so I'm just wondering if a relationship based on sex will last. I know I shouldn't worry, as moving on is my only goal so far, it just bothers me that she could jump into the arms of another man because he showed her the slightest bit of affection. Do relationships like this last? I know how you feel. It bothers me that my ex who said not so long ago that she couldn't see a future without me all of a sudden doesn't care about me in any sense of the word. I don't know for sure, but I believe my ex is already hooking up with someone since we broke up 2 weeks ago based on what a mutual friend told me. My ex told me that she ended a 3 year long relationship and moved back home 2 years ago(2012) because her bf at the time was going to propose and she wasn't ready. During the first year back she ended up sleeping around with 6-7 guys before she met me a year later (2013). In hindsight, I should have taken that as a red flag when she chased after me and we got into a toxic relationship. I guess every situation is different, but for my ex, her physical relationships were nothing more than just one night stands or sexual flings that never worked out in her favor. Try to keep your mind off wondering about her rebound, it will drive you crazy at night. I know it's been driving me crazy lately and it's caused me to not sleep much at night. Try to go our for a walk or something to keep busy when you do dwell on those thoughts.
Mondmellonw Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I agree with your point, but given that after break ups its all about self interest, you just have to view your situation in that perspective. If she can jump ship so easily, maybe it was a good thing to have avoided spending any more time and effort with this person if they could get over you so quickly. I think most relationships for people in their early and mid 20s will not last sufficiently long to make it to marriage. Its something that we have to accept in this day and age. I would rather be with someone who would weather the storms with you and grow, rather than someone who's more "loose" and is willing to move on the moment a problem arises. I'm 20 and recently out of a mess of a relationship. I believe everyone has their flaws... But I never cheated, and never did something that bad to get what I got now. (Or maybe, the circumstances for me are now the best I could have). I wanted to say I agree with you. I'm not the kind to hook up, or to stay on a relationship only for sex. But since I am so young, I don't feel like staying in a serious relationship, it might be only because I have only met jerks so far. By now I don't want any relationships, or dates. I need to resolve this what I am struggling with now. And I want to believe I'll make it and become a better person, so when I am on my mid twenties, maybe, I'll get to know the right guy....I am such a big dreamer, I suppose.
Author Bishop556 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 How do you know this? It is an odd conversation to come up when casually bumping into a former partner and he new guy. You know all of their history together? How do you know they don't connect more than through sex? They were out together so they obviously do more in life. My ex would gloat on tumblr about her sexual conquests with this guy. I'm sure they connect more, but I am just speculating that she is using him to distract herself from our break up.
Never Again Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I'm not sure it's a question of morality. I think some people just have a need for constant attachment, probably due to childhood issues. The motives are generally more emotional, than sexual. The problem is, leaving no gaps between partners, leaves very little space for introspection, and can cause a build up of negative thoughts over a period of time. I don't think it's a particularly healthy way to live, but the behaviour is understandable. It's not really a reflection on their previous relationship, it's more of a learned way of dealing with pain. Ex-partners should not take it as a personal slur, in fact, the quicker your ex 'moves on', can often be an indicator of how much the break-up has affected them. Conversely, some of us just can't live without sex, not even for a week. I'm quoting this because it really does ring true. Truer than most may want to admit. Not all relationships that begin soon after a relationship ends is a "rebound", and sometimes, "rebounds" become something much more significant. It's hard those internal pulls. I agree with InnocentMan that, more often than not, the needs are emotional...not sexual. However, most people associate emotional connection with sex, so once they form that emotional dependency...you can bet that their libido will be jumping. I will add that "branch swinging" not only stunts growth and allows negative thoughts to build, but it also creates unrealistic expectations. People begin to associate how they felt with one partner, or how they were treated, with the next. If girlfriend A was an exciting, sex-crazed b*tch...and girlfriend B is a sweet, considerate human being...girlfriend B may never get the chance she deserves if I start a relationship with her too soon. I'd be too accustomed to the emotional high and excitement of A to respect and appreciate the healthy, if less exciting, relationship that B can offer. We become accustomed to feeling certain ways for certain reasons, and seek these feeling out even if they're entirely unhealthy.
Eau Claire Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 My ex would gloat on tumblr about her sexual conquests with this guy. I'm sure they connect more, but I am just speculating that she is using him to distract herself from our break up. I just read your other posts. I thought she broke up with you. Judging from your other threads, you might seek counselling of some type. You are obsessed with a woman with whom, if the things you say are true, that any rational male would not be obsessed with. I can't fathom a healthy male emotionally missing a woman who posts her sexual activity on Tumblr.
PinkIsLove93 Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 If she can't be single to work on herself and deal with the breakdown of your relationship then I strongly doubt it. Doesn't sound like the healthy place to form a long-lasting relationship, this is 100% a rebound so probably will be very short lived! Let her get on with it, understand that she's probably got issues running deeper than just a relationship breakdown (especially if she is unable to be single at all) and focus on bettering yourself Hope it all goes well!
Recommended Posts