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general discussion: to bffl or not bffl with the x


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Posted (edited)

I Was Sure I'd Be Best Friends Forever With My Ex-Husband -- Until He Said He Was Getting Remarried | xoJane

 

if there is an article that describes my ordeal right now.. it would be this one! exactly this..except, we never married. It is certainly a relationship that has an interesting dynamic and because of that..I want to understand better of it, if it's even possible. I'm wondering if there are more people who are in this type of situation as well.

 

If anyone has been there or know anyone who has, please come forward to tell me your/their experiences. Did the bffl card brought them back together? Does it take one other person getting married or be in a romantical relationship with someone else to realise that what they have is special and worth fighting for? Did anyone have any regrets or no regrets ending a best friend relationship with the ex? Did their relationship with you changed in positive or negative way after they got married? Etc etc.. Share and tell!

 

Writer's STRIKING QUESTIONS that I am also constantly thinking of:

"Did we really have the special relationship we thought we did? Were we fooling ourselves, to keep from feeling the pain? Was he just holding onto a convenient I’ll-be-there-for-you-no-matter-what person in me, until he found someone else to fill the role? I don't know that answer for sure anymore." BY anonymous

Edited by ariawuu
Posted

Each situation is unique, but in my case, there is no way I could be friends after the split. We were truly BEST friends for over 10 years. She really wants to remain friends but I just can't do it. I know I would secretly be scheming to get her back, all the while, she's moving on. I would dread the day hearing about a new guy she met. I don't want to hear about her dating life.

 

She wants to go back to the way it was before we started dating, but for me, that's impossible. And I have a feeling if I tried, it would be awkward and we would eventually drift away. In the end, I think if a dumper wants to be best friends, it's for their sake, not yours. And if it didn't work, you open yourself up to being dumped as a best friend. No thanks.

  • Like 2
Posted

The only times I've ever seen couples succeeding in being friends after a serious long-term relationship was when they had kids together. Even then, they went through a period of avoiding each other before they could reconcile. I don't think any of those friendships ended up at the level of best friends either.

 

I see a lot more couples who think they can just remain friends after the break-up, but then it doesn't work out. It seems like nearly every young couple who ends their first serious long-term relationship experiences the same thing. They think their friendship is strong enough that even if they break-up, they can just be friends. There's always one person who has feelings that aren't what they'd feel toward a friend. That person ends up getting hurt down the line, then realizes trying to remain friends was a terrible idea.

Posted

It sounds like a nice sentiment, but it usually doesn't work out practically.

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