boricuarage79 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Hello everyone, this is my first time on the forum. So where do I begin... I was dating my ex girlfriend for almost 2 years and let me tell you she is an amazing person. We are both scorpios and we got along so well. (for the most part), that we were living in a new apartment together with her 10 year old daughter; however I have these phases especially in the winter that I am a totally different person. I start to ignore her, become a bit of an ass, showing no care in the world etc etc.. We have broken up a few times because of this and she has always giving me a chance. Everything is going good for the next few months till my phase starts. Well this time it was pretty bad. In September we got in a big argument and she told me she hates me and it's over so I jump the gun to quick and took it personal not knowing that she act on her emotions and did not mean it. For 4 months I ignored her with no sexual contact whatsoever. Then I decided to move out and now 2 months. I'm living in my friends place, sleeping on the couch. Me and my ex reconnected again a couple a months ago, but I never thought I would have feelings for her again. Well guess what, I guess they did not go away. We spend xmas and new years together and sometimes she lets me spend the night; no sexual contact. Just cuddle in sleep..I boughther flowers and gifts for xmas as well as her daughter She knows that I want her back and I felt like I have changed, but the problem is she does not trust me and is afraid I will be that person with the phase. She toldme I had four months to make it u, but i choose to ignore. She told me she was even ready for marriage. Which kind of hurts. We are getting along as friends... So here it gets interesting. She has been talking to someone, but he is pretty far away. She also tells me that every time she starts talking to someone that I want her back, but in reality its a coincidence. Sure I talk to other females, but it doesn't feel right, because I'm so in love with my ex girlfriend that I'm blind. I deleted her number a few times, so I would have no contact, but its hard and I end up putting her number back in my phone. 80 percent of the time I'm just sitting on the couch no tv and just thinking. the other 20 percent I'm either working or at the gym or running errands. Sometimes I just want to let her go, but I truly love her. The biggest part is the trust... She told me I been so nice lately which I have. She knows she can always count on me. We do not live far and I'm always there when she needs me. Leaving her for the final time is my second biggest regret. I have been married twice and have three children, but I can see a future with her and have our own family, but now I feel like I have lost her for good.. Even though we are still friends..Its hard being next to someone to care deeply about and can't hold her the way you want to.
waltereed Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I feel ya bro. I'm going through a similar scenario. It's hard to leg go. I'm gonna start back to the gym to try to burn off my excess energy. Maybe you can both go in for relationship counseling. I'm new to this forum and it's a goldmine of wisdom. I'm also hurting with my girl so don't really have much objective advice except don't give up until you think it's really totally hopeless.
FnlyFrei Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 This sounds to me like you have SAD, because your mood swings are in the winter. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) Maybe? I am sure you can see it from her side...she loves you, and you treat her with indifference and possibly contempt...and she doesn't know why. It isn't fair for you to try to get her back when nothing has changed within yourself. You know it is you. So work on changing that so your next relationship is better. Otherwise, history will just repeat itself again. Good luck. 1
Author boricuarage79 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 It's hard because I know this time around I can change. I do not want to give up on her. She is truly worth it. I'm not a bad looking guy at all and when I start talking or meeting other women I feel like I'm cheating. It's terrible I do not know what to do. I give her, her space and I do not act like a psycho maniac calling her, sms her etc.. Just a hello and how she doing.. I been a totally different person at work. For example I'm not as talkative and quit serious at times and I'm a cook at a diner... I do not know if its jealousy or what... Sometimes I wish a had an off switch on my brain so I can not think of her
FnlyFrei Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 It's not how you look. You could be the handsomest guy in the world. You just not be ready for a relationship yet.
JDPT Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 You don't have anything to prove to anyone except yourself, don't forget that. 1
ponchsox Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 It sounds like letting go of her for good, even as friends, is the best thing for your recovery along with time.
Author boricuarage79 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 so should I not contact her at all? I mean we are at least friends and I'm happy that I'm somewhat part of her life,but it's a little hard to be myself at times when I'm around her. It was just a matter of time till I will feel the pain in living her and regretting it so much. It started 2 months ago when we started communicating again. I believe that it's faster for women to cope with it then us me. Yes we are fine at first, but then later we start to get emotional. She told me she still has feelings, but the TRUST is the biggest issue. She does don't trust me. I'm beginning to not care at this point
Author boricuarage79 Posted January 13, 2014 Author Posted January 13, 2014 Quick update.... So today me and my ex unexpectly met up at the gym. We worked out together and everything was good on a friendship level. We went out for lunch after the gym and after that she invited me over to her place, which is weird because it use to be our place. She asked me for a hug so I did. Then she tells me she has something to tell me while i was layin next to her. She said that I wasnt going to like what she has to tell me, but I stopped her before she can tell me and I said "you are in a relationship"... It was not a surprise to me because I already had that feeling. She thought I be mad.. upset yes, but not mad. It almost feels like a sense of relief or it hasnt hit me yet. We talked about it a little more. Telling me she feels like she is using this person to get over me and that she is already having problems, but thats not the point she said. She wanted to be honest in case i hear it from someone else.... She saids she needs to make a desicion, but I did not ask what desicion. As I said before she thinks about it over and over again and she feels like she can never trust me, but looking into her eyes I see different. I can truley tell that she still loves me, but I showed no emotion. All my tears have been completly exhaust and she knows that I will always bethere for her no matter what. We were friends before we were in a relationship and we are friends now. I can not be mad at her for my actions. I had 4 months to make it all up..I won't give up hope, but at the same time if we are not meant to be then we are not
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