iworthmore Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 this is a vent which includes a point that i want to share. recently im doing much better most of the time. busy with so much work to do . eating healthy and hitting the gym everyday. but still. i still have those moments. right now nothing reminds me of her. unless i see the guy i suspect she left me for. it takes me few steps back. fills me with anger and grudge and all i want is to wish her the worst she can face ever. i wished her the meanest things u can imagine. im trying to live my life to the fullest, im having fun all the time and going on vacations. apparently life is great. she started asking ppl abt me and she noticed im moving on quickly and forgot abt her. well, to admit, thats my purpose. not only to move on but to show that worthless bitch im ok without her. so much better and its the truth. i wudnt reach this level if i had her around. back then, she left her fiance for me, which i had nothing to do with that. i just knew cpl days ago by a mutual friend. she's been on several RS and she always was the dumper. now i know how really worthless she is. and how lucky i am for not to share any more moment of my life with her. im having the urge to show her how worthless she is, how happy i am without her (which i am unless rare down's that pass after cpl hours and happens once a week). im not the same as day 1 or day 50. im much better. im having the urge to tell her what i think abt her. how selfish, silly, cheap and easy she is. im still driven by grudge. i dont think if i ever will stop hating her. the funny part is that her ex fiance is chasing her to get her back. that made me feel pity for him and great for my self. how stupid he is to chase the cheating fiance. im so in better place. at least my self respect and my dignity is number 1 priority. telling an ex how u feel abt them will always backfire. the fact that im happy and getting happier everyday is the best message for them. it sums it all. **** you i am better without you. cheating people should be treated like they dont exist. and i hope karma will hit them like punch in the face. kinda of rant maybe. just venting. otherwise id call her and tell her bitch im getting over u lol. best wishes 1
mea_M Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Just a question? How is the heart suppose to heal without forgiveness? IMO you're just holding onto anger. And why wish a karma on someone? How about hope that they become a good person and get their act together. I personally think forgiveness will get you further than bitterness. Just my thoughts. Best wishes. Mea
Author iworthmore Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 thank you for ur reply mea. i dont know if u had cheated on. faced lies and manipulative bF. such behaviour makes me sick. not only if its my GF i also hate anyone doing this and i know many ppl like that and always hated them even before i had a RS. im struggling to reach forgiveness level. it annoys me. but its not easy. fake ppl that hurt other's deserve bad karma. i didnt fall in love with her good looking. what made me love her is her telling me she loves me so many times which all was out of boredom and just to hold and get the benefits of a BF. and when the greener grass appeared she left. i wudnt use someone like she did. this behaviour is disgusting. and such people much suffer the same.
TaraMaiden Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Karma don't do that. karma don't do nuthin' at all, and you have the completely wrong idea of what karma is. 2
mea_M Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 thank you for ur reply mea. i dont know if u had cheated on. faced lies and manipulative bF. such behaviour makes me sick. not only if its my GF i also hate anyone doing this and i know many ppl like that and always hated them even before i had a RS. im struggling to reach forgiveness level. it annoys me. but its not easy. fake ppl that hurt other's deserve bad karma. i didnt fall in love with her good looking. what made me love her is her telling me she loves me so many times which all was out of boredom and just to hold and get the benefits of a BF. and when the greener grass appeared she left. i wudnt use someone like she did. this behaviour is disgusting. and such people much suffer the same. I was not cheated on, I did the cheating and shame on me it was wrong and rotten of me. But.. Honestly I can see you're point about how angry you are. I saw it from the other side. However, holding on to anger only hurts you more. Forgiveness is not easy. And if you're truly not willing to forgive that's ok, but at best lock it up in a box some where and let it go!! Really sorry you are hurt. But, you can and will move on in you're own time! Mea
Author iworthmore Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 well mea you are right. i know that and the only place i vent is here. at the moments im writing this reply i feel great. even if right now i have the same thoughts in my head. but im feeling so not bothered by them. its a roller coaster that will stop soon. let me ask u and not trying to offend you. i see u really feel guilt abt what u did and u seem honest, did u feel any pain or wishing that u never did that to end your relationship? were u dumped?
Sugarkane Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Just a question? How is the heart suppose to heal without forgiveness? IMO you're just holding onto anger. And why wish a karma on someone? How about hope that they become a good person and get their act together. I personally think forgiveness will get you further than bitterness. Just my thoughts. Best wishes. Mea Unfortunately I'm yet to see a bad person turn into a good person. My old workplace was an excellent example of this.
TaraMaiden Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I've seen 'bad' people turn into 'good'. Seriously, I have. But you have to give them that opportunity... and allow them the time to prove themselves..... But it can, and does happen. perhaps more often, even, than you believe.
livingnightmare Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I wish I new, I try and try for the sake of my daughter, but I can not forget all the pain and psychological torture my ex put me through, and the scars I carry in my heart, Iv'e repeated it to myself that I forgive her so it sticks, but I cant help but feel the betrayal, abandoned walked on etc, even more so that the things she done to me were done on purpose, without any regards to how low these things made me feel. As time past I got a message saying she handled the break up badly (massive understatement), but no real apology. If I could forgive I feel it would make things easier, I want to for my daughters sake and my own mental health, but it just doesn't happen no matter how much I try.
sugarpea Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Hi Iworthmore It's great to hear your doing your own thing. But I believe for you to be truly happy with being without her you need to let this anger go (you don't need to forgive her, and I know you won't forget it but you just need to find peace - I know sounds a bit stupid and leave it in the past (it's done, it can't be taken back and there's no way to change it)). She is your ex, but she is nobody now -you're not in touch with her at all, she is a complete stranger. The person you knew and was with, has changed, she is dead and all that remains are just memories. Grieve for the loss, if you feel that way. You need to continue to do things for you, forget about her and what she's doing, she is unimportant. She's not worth your time. You are wasting time being angry about this when you could be happy without her. I don't forgive him (maybe in time) for things he did (wasn't cheating - other things - but did feel betrayed and hurt) but I am past it, things were done it can't be changed and really it's just not healthy to live with all this anger or pain in your heart.
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