Trnamakesnse Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I once asked a female friend if I was in the friendzone because she had been sending lots of mixed signals for a long time. What it boils down to is I had to ask her "yes or no" and she said "maybe" being a literal guy this drove me up the walls! Point is she said she doesn't like the word because of negative connotations it has. I never could get any answer as to what those are EVER could. I would like to know what women think of friendzone and what it can mean as a negative besides just not liking the guy. She's in a long term relationship already planned a year in Europe alone for next year. Probably been dating a month maybe two. They were friends for a few years I think never met him myself. Her last bf started the same way lasted six years. I'm 27 next month she's 22 now. There's just a lot I'm really confused about I'm pretty screwed in the head right now and we aren't talking. She did a lot of things and said and implied herself into my head so many times and just not talking to her right now is driving me crazy.. Sorry kind of venting too, it's a lot to hold in. So I'm asking here wtf does that even mean?!
nescafe1982 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 It's an ugly term, which implies that a woman is doing something wrong (e.g. "putting you in the friend zone") when she wants something other than a romantic connection with a man. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with a woman romantically. But when she tells you she's not interested, take that for what it's worth. Don't complain about being "friendzoned" and hang around her waiting for a moment of weakness or poor judgment, you know? But yeah. That's why I dislike the term. I don't know what the situation with your female friend is. But if she turned you down, I'm not so sure she's actually sending "mixed signals." Her rejection is pretty clear, isn't it? 1
OpheliaSong Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 It means she is in a long term relationship. She was obviously being coy and thoughtless by saying maybe. Ignore her and find someone who isn't playing games with your feelings. She isn't much of a friend. I would never do stuff like this to my friends who are guys. It's cruel.
Author Trnamakesnse Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) It's an ugly term, which implies that a woman is doing something wrong (e.g. "putting you in the friend zone") when she wants something other than a romantic connection with a man. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with a woman romantically. But when she tells you she's not interested, take that for what it's worth. Don't complain about being "friendzoned" and hang around her waiting for a moment of weakness or poor judgment, you know? But yeah. That's why I dislike the term. I don't know what the situation with your female friend is. But if she turned you down, I'm not so sure she's actually sending "mixed signals." Her rejection is pretty clear, isn't it? It wasn't clear when she initiated phone sex. Nor when she well it got way more personal and awkward than friends get with me female or not WAY more. She was sending them for a long time while dating her ex. I could just post an email I never sent her it describes a lot of what she did. I have serious issues with subtlety so I asked her directly like I always have. I don't even think I want to be her friend anymore honestly. I don't intend to hang around for weak moments or poor judgement. I'm not even sure if I honestly liked her or if just her constant teasing and sexual innuendo and fricking taking my comments about dating and putting herself in them. Just dangit friggin fell asleep talking to me on the phone so many nights then says for the emotion then says she was playing loose with hers...... Edited January 11, 2014 by Trnamakesnse 1
Eau Claire Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 This isn't about her...you can paint her however you want. It is about YOU. Guys come across as a bit weak and pathetic in these situations. What exactly do you want? The only 'maybe' in this is 'maybe' you need to get in control of your own life. Regain your integrity. If this woman told you tomorrow she was madly in love with you, how would you react? Hopefully, you would just ignore her and get on with your life.
Author Trnamakesnse Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 This isn't about her...you can paint her however you want. It is about YOU. Guys come across as a bit weak and pathetic in these situations. What exactly do you want? The only 'maybe' in this is 'maybe' you need to get in control of your own life. Regain your integrity. If this woman told you tomorrow she was madly in love with you, how would you react? Hopefully, you would just ignore her and get on with your life. Dealing with it, point is I'm mindfckd. Harsh comments won't gain you anything here. I know what I have to do long term and am already looking around thank you. I guess call it a vent thread I misplaced if you like. I want these questions out of my head.
nescafe1982 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 It wasn't clear when she initiated phone sex. Whoa. Wow... that's screwed up. I thought originally that you were just not taking the hint... but that's pretty freaking clear that she's playing mind games with you. Yes, she's playing games. It's manipulative. It's cruel, mean, and not right. But the fact is, if she actually wanted to be with you, she would have taken steps to make it happen. But instead, it seems she is trying to keep you "on the hook." Maybe she likes the attention. But it's manipulative and mean. She's not being a friend to you... I don't blame you at all for not wanting to be her friend anymore. Indeed, that's what I would recommend. That you distance yourself from her. She's a game player and you deserve someone who will treat you better than this.
Onethirtyeight Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) This is how I see these situations. Something I do not understand about some (many) women is why they feel they need to string guys along pretending they have a chance when they don't just because they want another friend. I've seen this plenty of times where a guy is interested in dating a chick and that's the only reason they are as close as they are. The girl likes the attention/benefits and knows if she is just honest with him and shuts him down she's going to lose a "friend". Then she plays games and lets the guy hit on her and she just calls it fun when really the guy is getting confused and angry. The "negative connotations" of the friendzone is that she knows you're not going to give her as much attention if she tells you you're just a friend. Ultimately its your fault for being in this situation in the first place and you need to be able to identify when a woman is just wasting your time. If you're a guy you need to avoid women that don't commit to a date on your terms. They are wasting your time if they don't and you want anything more than a friendship. Edited January 11, 2014 by Onethirtyeight
Author Trnamakesnse Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I didn't start off liking her :/ She definitely wanted me to start off that way took her months of cajoling and effort to get me to even consider her as anything other than a friend. Being bad at subtlety has benefits with this as I had no idea she was coming on to me at all. Bad side is when I realized it she still hadn't given up. Think 8 months to a year. I know she was horrid, it's not hard to trick me when I'm as honest as I am. I made the mistake of claiming this on a girl right before I met this one. The first girl was just really a good match but I never tried that was my mistake and now I missed it the second time. That was why I asked her when I did, she was dating her ex. I don't try to force it when they are in a relationship. Worst part of that this one was the chick that helped me get over it only to actually use me for real. I mean dang, I have the worst luck with people.. Best luck with everything else though.
preraph Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Listen, why would you even remain intrigued by someone as chaotic as this? She may be manipulative, or she may just be mean, or she may not be in control of herself from alcohol or something like that. Some people just like attention and don't care whether it's bad or good as long as they get attention. Is this the type of person you see yourself putting up with for any length of time? I hope not. Go date other women and when she starts ramping up the flitation to see if she can ruin that for you, don't let her interfere and tell her to go away. It's time you took charge here and moved on. She's not a good person to be with so why waste time on her? 1
Author Trnamakesnse Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I've already decided she is too immature for me to be friends with. I won't be making contact with her anymore. If she decides to make contact again I'll let her know we can't be friends anymore. Think I'll stick to older women for a while just to avoid some of this hopefully. Thanks for all the advice everyone! 1
preraph Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 I bet 6 months from now you're a lot happier!
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