charmingstranger Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I fell in love with this girl but had to break up with her because she didn't feel the same. She had just broken up with her boyfriend of 2 years for me when we got together, so I felt like I was becoming the "rebound guy" and to get out of that situation for her to take me seriously as a relationship I felt I had to break up with her, so I did. I did No Contact immediately...I felt I had to in order to get over her. 3 months after our breakup a mutual friend tells me she wants to talk to me, but I'm still in love with her and can't just be friends with her. So I wrote her a love-letter telling her that I want nothing more than to hear her voice, but not as a friend, and that if she was over her x-boyfriend that I would agree to speak with her and to please contact me if that was the case. She never did. Now its 14 months after the breakup. I've never talked to her since the day I broke up with her but I'm still in love with her. It should be mentioned that we were together for a very breif period of time, just a few months and for me the feeling of love was almost immediate. We became best friends while we were together and could talk for 4,5,6 hours at a time and be excited the whole time. Well, I put her out of my mind for 6 to 8 months, but recently I've been thinking about her a lot. I realize I'm still completely in love with her...I thought I was getting over her, but I was just fooling myself. Recently I started calling her work line at night when nobody is there just to hear her voice...I miss it so much. But she didn't respond to my letter at the 3 month mark. Should I take the chance and contact her? If so, how should I go about it? For all I know she could have a boyfriend. I dont know anything about her current situation other than where she works. I figure by not answering my letter she's already rejected me once and I dont want to be a fool a 2nd time, but we had such a good time together that I feel there's a chance, even if its 1 in a million that she has feelings for me. Do I risk being a fool? How should I go about it? If not, then what....can I get over her? Suggestions?
jellybean Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I fell in love with this girl but had to break up with her because she didn't feel the same. Are you feeling up for MORE rejection? But she didn't respond to my letter at the 3 month mark. You've been doing sooooo well with NC...can you think of anything that may have triggered this relapse? Please don't give her the opportunity to hurt you again. Take care `
Author charmingstranger Posted January 10, 2005 Author Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by j_nelson Are you sure she got the letter? I am sure she got the letter. I gave it to a very good female friend of mine, the mutual friend who initially set us up. She said that the letter affected my x, but still did not invoke a response back...the 2 girls dont talk much anymore so my friend couldn't tell me more, and I dont want to tell her of my constant feelings for my x-girl because a)that will only make my friend feel sorry for me, and b)it might get back to the x-girlfriend which will completely remove any chance of her wanting me back.
Naive Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Do you think that after 14 months she still thinks about you? Her not contacting you as well is a sign that obviously she was not interested in you as you were in her. Maybe you should leave it alone.
Author charmingstranger Posted January 10, 2005 Author Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by naive_2001 Do you think that after 14 months she still thinks about you? Her not contacting you as well is a sign that obviously she was not interested in you as you were in her. Maybe you should leave it alone. I did think of this, but there's one other explanation that keeps me wondering: I know and have read in this website that if a woman does not feel she's being pursued she will not initiate the contact. My question is: maybe at the time of the letter she couldn't contact me because she was not over her x-boyfriend, and maybe now that she is (my friend told me she's over him) she hasn't contacted me because I've not initiated the pursuit in all this time...and she may be afraid of me rejecting her!? I know the odds of this is low, but is this thought process warrented or am I just fishing? Responses from the ladies especially would be nice, to get the female perspective of that possibility.
mixwell Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I thin if you want to call her then go for it. You dont know maybe she wants to be with you.. Whats the worst that could happen ? rejection right ? So what.. You've heard the saying "nothing ventured, nothing gained" ? well you dont know till you venture out.. haha At least if you get rejected you have closure, and if you don't get rejected you wont regret it.. Think if you don't call her its going to bug you knowning that you might have had a chance but never called.. All those what if's ? will be running in yer mind. So I personally would call to see what the deal is. But then again im not the smartest when it comes to relationships. Im a shizzy situation right now too. Hope this helps.. Take care !
iceisles Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by naive_2001 Do you think that after 14 months she still thinks about you? Her not contacting you as well is a sign that obviously she was not interested in you as you were in her. Maybe you should leave it alone. Yes, I would definitely leave it alone. Follow the "if it's meant to be, they'll come back to you" saying. It is heavily grounded in truth.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 women choose the man they want to be with and also love to chase the man they want to be with. trust me on this....if she wanted you she would have contacted you. and you gave her a chance with the letter you already sent. if you contact her again it will most likely end up in more pain for yourself... i guess you could try one last time to reach her but if she does not respond you must just let it go and never try again. by the way, excellent job of using NC.
iceisles Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale women choose the man they want to be with and also love to chase the man they want to be with. When you say "chase", what do you mean? If you're implying that they will call, e-mail or IM a lot, that rarely happens. If you mean that they show an interest by not blowing you off, returning your calls, etc., then yes - I would say they chase men sometimes.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles When you say "chase", what do you mean? If you're implying that they will call, e-mail or IM a lot, that rarely happens. If you mean that they show an interest by not blowing you off, returning your calls, etc., then yes - I would say they chase men sometimes. 'chasing' means that a woman will go out of her way to respond postiively and make herself available to the guy she really likes. it could mean: - breaking preset plans to be with a guy instead - calling him when he does not call - buying him gifts and making him homemade food - initiating sexual activity - asking him out on dates it is a fallacy that women like to be chased by men exclusively. when a woman finds a guy she really likes a lot, most women will chase him to the end of the earth. This is where the rules of engagement come in. If the man does not know how to play the "game" then the woman loses interest fairly quickly and finds someone else.
iceisles Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale 'chasing' means that a woman will go out of her way to respond postiively and make herself available to the guy she really likes. it could mean: - breaking preset plans to be with a guy instead - calling him when he does not call - buying him gifts and making him homemade food - initiating sexual activity - asking him out on dates it is a fallacy that women like to be chased by men exclusively. when a woman finds a guy she really likes a lot, most women will chase him to the end of the earth. This is where the rules of engagement come in. If the man does not know how to play the "game" then the woman loses interest fairly quickly and finds someone else. I see where you're coming from. But what about those situations where the girl likes the guy, but is being held back because she may not be quite ready to date yet, etc? To many guys, it would seem that there was a lack of interest there, when in actuality she doesn't call, e-mail, etc. that much because she's not ready to become emotionally involved with someone yet.
alphamale Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Originally posted by iceisles I see where you're coming from. But what about those situations where the girl likes the guy, but is being held back because she may not be quite ready to date yet, etc? To many guys, it would seem that there was a lack of interest there, when in actuality she doesn't call, e-mail, etc. that much because she's not ready to become emotionally involved with someone yet. this does not make sense, when a girl really likes a guy she will be ready to date him right away. when a woman says "I like you but am not ready to date" this is female speak for "I don't like you enough to date you" if a woman really likes a man she will be ready to date him right then and there. if there was a girl you really liked a lot, say cameron diaz, would you say to her "oh yeah, i really like you but i'm not ready right now to date you". No f***king way!!
FolderWife Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 Well, I don't see what the harm is? If you don't call her, you'll never know. And not knowing and wondering is far worse than knowing, and having closure.
momoarne Posted January 10, 2005 Posted January 10, 2005 I think you should call her. After 14 months you feel this way for someone go for it. Maybe she just doesnt realize how much you care for her. Kris
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