mantlefan Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 2 weeks ago I found out my ex dumped me for my friend (5 year RS, coming up on 6 months post-BU) Found out tonight from a mutual friend that he told both of them they should tell me what was going on, but neither did, because they "didn't want to hurt me more." Now my ex is not a stupid girl, and I have no idea how she thought it would hurt me less for me to find out 5 months later. It tore all those wounds open again right as I was really starting to feel progress. She willingly and knowingly prolonged my pain just because she didn't want to feel like a bad person for telling me the truth up front. I was hurt when I found out two weeks ago that she dumped me for my friend, very hurt. Not as much as the breakup originally, but still bad. Now tonight's news has me on the edge of anger. I don't want to be angry, I want to forgive them both and move on with my life, and realize my ex is a hopeless coward who never had the guts to tell me the things that mattered and will be plagued her whole life by not being forward enough with the truth. But I feel like attacking the weights tomorrow with everything I got just so I don't go punch my "friend" in the face that she is with. When someone who claims to love you or care about you screws you over this bad, it's no wonder people avoid serious relationships after getting hurt. This woman actually put her own personal comfort ahead of weeks, months even of my healing! And EVEN WHEN SHE WAS DUMPING ME she still said she loved me! Why do people try so hard to find a companion when at least being alone you don't have to deal with this garbage. 1
WYSWYG Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I like sharing this post from user "downtown".. "....hold on to all the righteous anger you have toward her. Use that anger as a crutch to help you walk away and stay away. A year or two later -- when you are safely away -- you can kick aside that crutch." and i have to admit "downtown's" numerous posts here are just dead straight on the matter whatever the topic is. Now......"Why do people try so hard to find a companion when at least being alone you don't have to deal with this garbage." I totally agree w/ that! 1
Author mantlefan Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Thanks for the advice. I think part of the reason I am getting mad is because I think she has no idea how horrible she has really been. To coldly lie, mislead, and manipulate like that, there must have been some world-record rationalization going on. She strung me along and prolonged and magnified my pain, and she is probably sitting on this lap thinking about how great a person is for (in her mind) "hurting me less."
JDPT Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 General consensus indicates that most of us "dumpees" enjoy the angry phase, I personally don't. I find myself always pissed and angry and something with no apparent reason. I can see the logic of it helping some get over someone but at times I would rather think things through and rationalize these emotions. And in other I would rather have a punching bag in front of me and let some steam out.
WYSWYG Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 General consensus indicates that most of us "dumpees" enjoy the angry phase, I personally don't. I find myself always pissed and angry and something with no apparent reason. I can see the logic of it helping some get over someone but at times I would rather think things through and rationalize these emotions. And in other I would rather have a punching bag in front of me and let some steam out. JD... Understand that at this stage, it's hard to rationalize when your in an emotional limbo. In most cases, to be a dumpee is enough reason to be angry. If handled well, it's an energy I'd take any day than being sad/lonely. I hit the heavy bag harder myself to let the steam out. We will survive this.....
Author mantlefan Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 When I think about how badly she lied to me and how little she actually cared about me although she said she loved me, all to make her feel better about herself as the lie got bigger and bigger, I guess I am OK with being angry because the alternatives all seem like a step back. Anger may be a step sideways, but it's fairly new for me so maybe I will see where it goes. Why isn't a consolation to realize that all people, including me, are capable of being truly awful? You'd think that that would put things in perspective and help me forgive. But part of me doesn't want to forgive her until she realizes how much she really did hurt me, and even more importantly, how much of that hurt was totally unnecessary.
Mondmellonw Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Mantlefan, this will pass too. Sometimes I get really, really upset about the whole thing with my ex. And then I say to myself: "why would I want to be with someone who lied to me? He does not deserve anything, except a little respect from me... because I'm not like all the people involved in this bull****.... Respect and total indifference". Today the ex boyfriend of my "girl friend" (the one currently dating my ex) added me on Facebook. But I will not accept him. I know him. He might be mad and wants to use me for making them feel angry, but no, I'm not like that. I just wish they can find true love, and they can taste serious commitment without, without lies and without cheap tricks. I will find it, someday. I'm still young, you are too. Use the anger to realize about the bad things. Hold onto them so you can heal. But release that anger as soon as you get better, you don't want to get poisoned. 1
thegrouch Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 My ex didn't have the guts to tell me there was another man involved either. I found out two weeks after the breakup when I went to her house to talk and her mom told me she was out with another guy. This blind sighted me.
Mondmellonw Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Oh, and btw. Sometimes they DO realize they hurt us... But they just don't care.
WYSWYG Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 Not to hi-jack the thread or anything but I found myself angrier on my ex this weekend more than ever, In the process, I hit the gym hard. Had to throw away my reminder list of the bad things she did. It was fueling my anger more. Never had a girl call me names and aimed low in bad times until she came along. Someone who used to be close to her told me she did that w/ her previous BF's as well. I guess it's only a matter of time b4 this new guy gets a earful. She has a family history of breast cancer. Hell, mothernature prevail. F her!!!
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