freebird31 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 You know....I would always say that the day that I improved myself, became everything I can be. They day I become a little more independent, I'd be happier. But I'm starting to realize throughout this breakup that no matter how hard I try to make myself better, that doesn't necessarily mean I will be happy again. I got almost straight As last semester, thinking if I accomplished that I would somehow feel happy. I go to the gym and maintain a good/healthy figure. I am a little more independent, but I don't feel any happier. I don't feel at peace with myself. I thought that by becoming this strong, beautiful and independent young lady, I'd somehow be happy like I once was. But I don't feel happy. Another user on this forum had mentioned that perhaps it's something from The outside world that will change our inner being. Maybe something that we cannot control. I mean I'm not going to stop doing well in school and working Out..but I'm just waiting for some type of life change. Something that I cannot change myself. Something I have no control over. A breakthrough that only God, or the universe, or whatever you believe in, can give to me. Whether it be a new love, or a new opportunity. Something. I think I have reached the point where I've done all I can to make myself better, now I just have to wait because things are pNo longer in my hands from here....
flightplan Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 For what it's worth, I believe that if someone is relying on outside events to make them happy, they will always be miserable and become a victim of events. Long lasting happiness comes from within. Accepting and loving who you are. Living a deliberate life committed to creating the reality you want to experience. It's a heavy thing to make your happiness dependent on your partner or someone else. Thats a heavy burden to lay on someone. Do some internal work and go within. It's a life long journey. I always recommend a book by Michael Singer, The Untethered Soul. It's a starting point I strongly recommend. Hang in there...
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Your own happiness is entirely in your hands.
Itspointless Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 (edited) I would always say that the day that I improved myself, became everything I can be. They day I become a little more independent, I'd be happier. But I'm starting to realize throughout this breakup that no matter how hard I try to make myself better, that doesn't necessarily mean I will be happy again. Well we do not need other persons per se to feel confident. And we definitely can have joy and happiness without a partner. But we humans are social animals and in a way made to bond. For example, don't underestimate the importance of touch or the thought that someone really loves you, it makes life so much lighter. But it is a present for your loved one if you have learned to care for and respect yourself without needing someone else for that. Often people are dependent in a unhealthy manner and put weight on their partner to fill a void that they should be searching by themselves. Expecting to find the same sort of happiness as in a relation is much harder as you need to compensate. It is hard when people haven't touched you for months or have said to you that you are special and make a difference. You have to learn to give such things to yourself. Some things just can't be replaced. And think about it, why should being strong equate to being happy? That is just what commerce wants us to think. Being a little bit depressed is as I am told the normal state for humans to be in. Also happiness is a construct that is pressed upon us. We must not try to be happy, as happiness most of the time comes when we are not searching for it and often lie in little moments. With respect to depression, sometimes it takes years to feel better. The outside world can influence us immensely, but you can counter that with learning to love yourself. That does not mean that it will be easy, there is not a standard recipe for it. Edited January 12, 2014 by Itspointless 3
Author freebird31 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Well we do not need other persons per se to feel confident. And we definitely can have joy and happiness without a partner. But we humans are social animals and in a way made to bond. For example, don't underestimate the importance of touch or the thought that someone really loves you, it makes life so much lighter. But it is a present for your loved one if you have learned to care for and respect yourself without needing someone else for that. Often people are dependent in a unhealthy manner and put weight on their partner to fill a void that they should be searching by themselves. Expecting to find the same sort of happiness as in a relation is much harder as you need to compensate. It is hard when people haven't touched you for months or have said to you that you are special and make a difference. You have to learn to give such things to yourself. Some things just can't be replaced. And think about it, why should being strong equate to being happy? That is just what commerce wants us to think. Being a little bit depressed is as I am told the normal state for humans to be in. Also happiness is a construct that is pressed upon us. We must not try to be happy, as happiness most of the time comes when we are not searching for it and often lie in little moments. With respect to depression, sometimes it takes years to feel better. The outside world can influence us immensely, but you can counter that with learning to love yourself. That does not mean that it will be easy, there is not a standard recipe for it. I loved your response. Thank you for the insight. 1
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