sportzhl24 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I want to hate my ex, and I do in some ways but sometimes I feel like I can't due to the mistakes that I made. I was very overbearing, smothering, and stressed during the final weeks of our rs. Not to mention a lot of other immature mistakes that I made. I drove her away. She left and did not wish to work on it or reconcile. Today would have been our 1 year anny so feelings are consuming me. Almost 6 months post BU and NC. I just don't know why I made these stupid mistakes. I loved her and cared about her so much and I couldn't handle the rs. It was my first and I didn't know what to do. There's no textbook that teaches you how to be in a rs you know? I didn't know s**t. And now I know but it's too late and I've lost a great girl. I have posted here a decent amount and advice has been helpful but it never seems to stick. What do I do? I constantly picture her with other men and think about all the crazy mistakes I made. She is very very pretty and I feel like I will never be with a girl of her physical stature again
MoooOinkBaaa Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 (edited) You might think you made mistakes and you'll blame them for the break-up but the truth is she wasn't committed enough to forgive you. I made lots of mistakes during my first relationship and it didn't end because she was equally committed. Dumpers always bring up things from old fights to make the dumpy feel guilty. Don't feel guilty about your mistakes. You think you "blew it." Regardless of what you may have done, it wasn't worth it to them to communicate with you and address it. They chose to end the relationship. I thought I blew it too but my ex completely changed into someone much worse and slept around. It wasn't because of my mistakes, it was bound to happen. So if you want to hate your ex do it, I know I am and it helps me get over her. Look at the brighter side, you'll learn from your mistakes and a new girl will benefit from them, not your ex. A new woman gets to have the all new improved you. Learn from your mistakes from the person that left you for the person that won't - they'll actually appreciate it. Edited January 11, 2014 by MoooOinkBaaa 2
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 I know what you're saying, thanks. But I just made so many stupid mistakes like making things seem like it was all about sex when it absolutely wasn't. I was so stressed out and fearful that she would leave me the whole time. I just want her back so bad. She wanted an open relationship/break so a few days after I said the words that she probably wanted to say which was 'it's over.' I don't know. 6 months later and I'm still in much pain
whichwayisup Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 She wanted an open relationship or a break? See, to me it seems like she was not as invested in the relationship like you were. If she truly loved you enough, she wouldn't have given up on you so quickly. She would have been patient and made you feel secure. She didn't! This really is her loss though right now it probably doesn't feel like it. Forgive yourself for your mistakes and learn from them so you don't make the same ones in the future with someone else. 2
Trnamakesnse Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Seems to me she just wanted to sleep around but keep the boyfriend benefits. Not worth worrying over this one, in time it will pass. Try looking for someone new it helps even just dates and flings. 1
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 It was so unclear what our status was when she left that night. She kept saying she wasn't leaving me but everything about it made it seem like a breakup. She told me how unhappy she was and we said goodbye at the end of the night. When she asked for an open relationship she said she wouldn't be sleeping with other guys. I think she just needed space but I was so stressed that I couldn't just sit around waiting for her to actually dump me so i said it is over. But I feel so bad because if I had just gone nc and gave her space she might still be with me. Terrible terrible pain. I gave her such an easy way out when I said the words 'it is over.'
margot13 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I think you should be kinder to yourself. Is having emotions and reacting on them a mistake??? We have all been there, maybe you could also at least realize you were trying your hardest to save what you had. But if the other person doesn't want to try as well then it comes across as, clinging and overbearing. To me you are just being a human being with deep feelings for another human being. It's allowed!!! :-) Maybe one day you have the great advantage of meeting someone who loves your mistakes. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 It was so unclear what our status was when she left that night. She kept saying she wasn't leaving me but everything about it made it seem like a breakup. She told me how unhappy she was and we said goodbye at the end of the night. When she asked for an open relationship she said she wouldn't be sleeping with other guys. I think she just needed space but I was so stressed that I couldn't just sit around waiting for her to actually dump me so i said it is over. But I feel so bad because if I had just gone nc and gave her space she might still be with me. Terrible terrible pain. I gave her such an easy way out when I said the words 'it is over.' Dude, she broke up with you. You really need to stop trying to spin this to where you are the dumper, which you want to do so you can break NC. Or you need to just make an ass out of yourself so you can get this stupid sh*t out of your head. I don't advise that usually and am not advising it out, but you are stuck in a rut of ruminating and spinning right now. Maybe you need to get cracked in the head with an aluminum bat so you get this stupid crap out of your head. 1
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Dude, she broke up with you. You really need to stop trying to spin this to where you are the dumper, which you want to do so you can break NC. Or you need to just make an ass out of yourself so you can get this stupid sh*t out of your head. I don't advise that usually and am not advising it out, but you are stuck in a rut of ruminating and spinning right now. Maybe you need to get cracked in the head with an aluminum bat so you get this stupid crap out of your head. Seconded. OP, she dumped you, because you were not cool with her sleeping with other guys. There is zero point contacting her because now, your faith in her monogamy had been compromised. You didn't make a mistake. She asked could she sleep with other guys and you said no. Anyone with a modicum of self-respect would do the same thing. Don't undo that by trying to justify contacting her.
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 Seconded. OP, she dumped you, because you were not cool with her sleeping with other guys. There is zero point contacting her because now, your faith in her monogamy had been compromised. You didn't make a mistake. She asked could she sleep with other guys and you said no. Anyone with a modicum of self-respect would do the same thing. Don't undo that by trying to justify contacting her. I don't know what to say or think anymore
pickflicker Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I don't know what to say or think anymore Fine. Contact her. Sometimes you have to learn by doing.
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I have no intention of contacting her. Just very torn over a this 6 months later. But I thank you guys for taking the time to give advice. I try to internalize it the best that I can
Author sportzhl24 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 Dude, she broke up with you. You really need to stop trying to spin this to where you are the dumper, which you want to do so you can break NC. Or you need to just make an ass out of yourself so you can get this stupid sh*t out of your head. I don't advise that usually and am not advising it out, but you are stuck in a rut of ruminating and spinning right now. Maybe you need to get cracked in the head with an aluminum bat so you get this stupid crap out of your head. Alright alright I get it. I'm being irrational. I'm not a dumbass I just have some emotional problems. My next thread will be one about me being recovered. Even if that's in a long time
Simon Phoenix Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 Alright alright I get it. I'm being irrational. I'm not a dumbass I just have some emotional problems. My next thread will be one about me being recovered. Even if that's in a long time You don't need to be recovered, but you are stuck in neutral. You seem to be fixated on this one thing and you have been for a while now. You don't have emotional problems, you just need to realize that asking the exact same question over and over again is counterproductive. You were dumped, no matter how much you don't want it to be that way.
Recommended Posts