spaceboy409 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) I really need some advice or some people that can relate and maybe provide possible solutions... I have been on off with a girl for 2 years this month. It began like most others, beautiful, amazing, everything I had been waiting for. One of the problems was both drank a lot though. We drank with everything we did. Still we managed to have a great time and not fight very much... Later on down the road, my drinking began to spiral out of control...I was becoming too flirty with female friends, and saying things on Facebook to girls that weren't appropriate. I never physically cheated but I do know that is a form of cheating and was completely wrong. Eventually she found out and was very upset and we talked it out and everything seemed to be the resolved... The problem was that after that she never trusted me again. She began to look through my phone, would barely let me even talk to another female. While I agree this was okay in the beginning due the circumstances it never ended...We ended up breaking up a week before our 1 year anniversary. I felt good about it and thought it was good for both of us. It lasted 2 weeks till I came back crawling to her begging her to take me back and she did.... The entire last year after that was fighting, drinking, breaking up, and never really getting back to where we were those first 6 months of our relationship...eventually it got so bad I felt I needed to move home to my parents because I was living and breathing for this girl and she was cold to me, hardly slept with me, and still didn't trust me one bit... So that was in October...I felt broken that entire month cuz we didn't talk. I could barely get out of bed I missed her. As usual I used drinking to cope. Eventually we started talking again and I went and visited her on my 28th birthday. Like clockwork everything was great for the first few days but then the arguing started up again so I ended up leaving 2 days earlier than expected...We continued to talk once I got back and I decided to visit her again just this new years and talk about possibly even moving back....First night was great, the second night we ended up at a bar where she was dancing with another guy who she claimed was gay then accused me of ignoring her all night and ended up breaking my glasses. Now was this scary cuz I didnt have another pair or contacts so I was forced to drive back home the next day half blind and hungover.... I told myself I would never talk to her again and that it clearly would just never ever work. Everyone else I talked to told me to do the same. My drinking spiraled out of control that week though and I got so lonely on Tuesday and wanted to talk to her again. She was glad to hear from me but basically told me that everything that happened was all my fault on new years and wasn't apologetic in the least. I felt so sad I literally wanted to die. I decided that day that I was quitting drinking for a long time if not forever.... I have been attending AA meetings since Tuesday and haven't drank at all but I feel so unbearably sad and lost it sometimes hard not to want to end it all. I don't know why I still love this girl so much and want her back. I don't know why I can't look at how toxic relationship was and forget it. Im seeing a therapist next week in hopes I can get some direction....Sorry this post was so long but I felt you needed to know the background to truly understand my pain.... Edited January 10, 2014 by spaceboy409
ponchsox Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Your only goal right now should be to get and remain sober. Forget about her.
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