Volthi10 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 So what is ya'lls opinion on staying friends with a recent ex? I am a roller coaster of emotions and at times I feel ok we can do it, but times I can't. I believe as long as there are feelings you can't see them as just friends.
ponchsox Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 If I was ever to become friends with an ex, it would be years down the road whe all feelings have subsided and it would be strictly a plutonic relationship. 2
flightplan Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 +1 I'm a firm believer that it's impossible to be friends with an ex... until all emotional attachments have been resolved. Until you can give up on any hope of reconciling, you're setting yourself up for an emotional ride you don't really want to take. It will prolong your recovery. Imagine the first time she tells you about an amazing guy she just met.... your heart will crack all over again. Don't do it.
d0nnivain Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Not in the immediate aftermath of the relationship break up. Maybe years later but not now.
Winter blue Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 So what is ya'lls opinion on staying friends with a recent ex? I am a roller coaster of emotions and at times I feel ok we can do it, but times I can't. I believe as long as there are feelings you can't see them as just friends. Not saying it's not possible, but it'll never be the same (if you were friends before). Plus, since you are still on an emotional roller coaster, you are so far from ready for that. Don't do it to yourself.
2fargone Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I sort of tried this, after 5 years of NC. It took 2 weeks for her to fall back in love with me. And this wasn't what I was aiming for... No, I'll stick to my rule that if they want out of my life, they will be... 1
BC1980 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 There are just so many obstacles even years later. For instance, my ex from 10 years ago had stayed in touch over the years. We are friends and talk once in awhile. He actually came to me for advice on a serious issue recently. Now, do we hang out? No because he is married. I don't even initiate contact with him because of that, but he's always said he will be there for me, ect. Nice sentiments, and I feel the same way. It's just not really possible or even appropriate to be buddy buddy in this situation. So I can say we are friends, but it's not a relationship I am activity cultivating in any way. I don't even know how to contact my other 2 exes. I probably could if I really tried, but they have no relavance to my life. I don't hate them; I just don't care anymore. 4
JDPT Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I close chapters in my life once I'm done with this which is exactly what I'm doing with my current ex. I don't see the logic behind keeping in touch with an ex. It's as if you had and amazing job and for some reason you were let go, yet you continue to report to this job regardless of not getting paid. It may be a funky analogy but that's sort of the way I view past relationship, they are in the past for a reason and it's time to let them be. 5
mantlefan Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 My ex and I got along great after the breakup. I thought we were on the way to being friends. It got complicated though because for the first couple months she was saying we might get back together. It got even more complicated that I learned that she never intended to get back together, she had dumped me for my friend and told me those things to "avoid hurting me more." Now, we still have a lot in common, and could probably have a good time and even give each other advice. But do I really want to be friends with someone who cares more about her view of herself as a nice person and lies to maintain that than she does about helping me recover when she claimed she still cared about me? Literally never ever ever try to be friends unless both of you are totally over each other. And even then, I wouldn't recommend it. Maybe one of you finds out you aren't totally over it. Or maybe just seeing one another again causes those scars to ache again. 1
Author Volthi10 Posted January 12, 2014 Author Posted January 12, 2014 I agree with all of you. Its best as painful as it is to leave exes in the past.
Fufu Posted January 12, 2014 Posted January 12, 2014 So what is ya'lls opinion on staying friends with a recent ex? I am a roller coaster of emotions and at times I feel ok we can do it, but times I can't. I believe as long as there are feelings you can't see them as just friends. As long as there are any lingerings feelings (especially romance type), never be friends. Because being friends means that you accept your ex having a new partner, possibly getting engaged/married/starting a new family...and so on. 1
Juha Posted January 13, 2014 Posted January 13, 2014 I am friends with some of my ex's and not with others. Depends on how I felt about them, how things were with us and how things ended. Am close with two ex's keep in touch with a couple others. This last ex I love with all my heart and don't think I will ever not love her or miss her. Out of all my ex's she is the one I had the best connection with, so close to, and love unconditionally. I really don't think I can ever be her friend even though we were so close, best friends. she wants me in her life as she has said I am one of the most important people in her life and wants me in her life forever. This statement hurts and confuses me. If I am that important to you and you really feel that strongly for me then why don't you want to be together? Just confuses me to no end... 2
Author Volthi10 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 I am friends with some of my ex's and not with others. Depends on how I felt about them, how things were with us and how things ended. This statement hurts and confuses me. If I am that important to you and you really feel that strongly for me then why don't you want to be together? Just confuses me to no end... That's exactly what I tell my ex, but he says he still wants me in his life, but not as a couple. :/ When i try to reason with him he says here we go again me being pushy wanting things now or never. But its hard to be his friend and pretend that I am ok, when I am not.
darkmoon Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 drop him please, get a man who will love you, you are doing nothing wrong, he is not right, and I do know how you feel, do not hang out with him 1
rosedl Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Friends with exs can work but ONLY if both people have truly moved on. I am friends with an ex. He is very happy with his new girlfriend and it doesn't bother me. I can talk to him about my relationships and he is not effected in the least. We are over each other in that way. It was the type of relationship where we never should have been more then friends in the first place (long term relationship of ten years). And, it took three years of time apart for both of us to be in the right place for a sincere friendship. Unless you are Buddha himself and can really not attach to the person, forget about it. 2
Author Volthi10 Posted January 23, 2014 Author Posted January 23, 2014 Friends with exs can work but ONLY if both people have truly moved on. I am friends with an ex. He is very happy with his new girlfriend and it doesn't bother me. I can talk to him about my relationships and he is not effected in the least. We are over each other in that way. It was the type of relationship where we never should have been more then friends in the first place (long term relationship of ten years). And, it took three years of time apart for both of us to be in the right place for a sincere friendship. Unless you are Buddha himself and can really not attach to the person, forget about it. And that is how I feel about a previous ex boyfriend. I can care less what he does with his life, i moved on with time. But right now I keep trying to fool myself into thinking that A) I can remain friends and dumbly hope that he comes back or B) I can go back to us being friends as were once were, which is not really smart. :/
chris21422 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Being friends with an ex is bad idea especially if you haven't move on. You will get stuck and 100% sure that you will not move on. You can be friends with your ex when the right time comes. 1
FrostBlaze Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 Maybe years later, not even then. I tried, i got hurt every day because of a lot of reasons, as long as one of you still cares, it's not possible. 1
H245 Posted January 23, 2014 Posted January 23, 2014 As everyone has said, I wouldn't do it unless it's months/years later and all emotional bonds were severed by then. For example...my ex, we broke up 3 times. The first time, a few days later she said she didn't want to write me off as a bf but needed time to "get her head on straight". A month of emotional heartache later I went NC until she came crawling back...2 more breakups later and well...yeah I want nothing to do with her ever again. 1
Ordinaryday Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 can't see how it is possible if they dumped you. too many feelings of resentment on your part, and usually their offer of 'staying friends' is not genuine, it is just a way to ease their conscience. I told my last ex who dumped me but said she wanted to say friends "if you treat your other friends the way you treated me, why on earth would I want to be your friend?". she never answered that question 2
N.M.M.N.G. Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 So what is ya'lls opinion on staying friends with a recent ex? I am a roller coaster of emotions and at times I feel ok we can do it, but times I can't. I believe as long as there are feelings you can't see them as just friends. Even after 12+ years of being best friends, we grew to be intimate, she broke up with me a few months ago, reason being "I love you but I'm not in love with you" anyways I gave the "just friends" gig a shot after a month of the break up. I wanted to be mature about it, so I hung out with her a few times and it ripped me apart each time. It's not worth the pain and you will never heal. I highly suggest you don't do it. You can't just be friends with someone you are attracted to and have feelings for. It's a tease and you can not live with false hopes. She invited me out with friends for New Years and I politely declined and thanked her for the thought and invite. Then told her the just friends thing isn't working out for me as I couldn't separate the friendship from the attraction. Her response was "thanks for trying ". And I haven't heard from her since and I'm not going to initiate any contact at all. She's still on my mind all the time, I miss her a lot, but I'm not interested in the friend zone or even getting back together because I have to heal completely, and I want to move on. I think I've handled this very well, I never pleaded or begged, but it's a huge process to accept. Just focus on yourself, it's going to take a lot of time, but do NOT be just friends. You are just accepting a demotion and get to watch you ex move on with someone else. I haven't had any contact for a month now, and I've significantly healed. Still have ups and downs, but it will be awhile. Stay strong my friend. You are not alone 1
Author Volthi10 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 can't see how it is possible if they dumped you. too many feelings of resentment on your part, and usually their offer of 'staying friends' is not genuine, it is just a way to ease their conscience. I told my last ex who dumped me but said she wanted to say friends "if you treat your other friends the way you treated me, why on earth would I want to be your friend?". she never answered that question I've had my moments where I want to blame it all on him, but its a 50/50. Although he blames it on me mostly for some issues we had. I know im not perfect, but he makes me feel so ****ty when he blames it on me.
Author Volthi10 Posted January 24, 2014 Author Posted January 24, 2014 Even after 12+ years of being best friends, we grew to be intimate, she broke up with me a few months ago, reason being "I love you but I'm not in love with you" anyways I gave the "just friends" gig a shot after a month of the break up. I wanted to be mature about it, so I hung out with her a few times and it ripped me apart each time. It's not worth the pain and you will never heal. I highly suggest you don't do it. You can't just be friends with someone you are attracted to and have feelings for. It's a tease and you can not live with false hopes. She invited me out with friends for New Years and I politely declined and thanked her for the thought and invite. Then told her the just friends thing isn't working out for me as I couldn't separate the friendship from the attraction. Her response was "thanks for trying ". And I haven't heard from her since and I'm not going to initiate any contact at all. She's still on my mind all the time, I miss her a lot, but I'm not interested in the friend zone or even getting back together because I have to heal completely, and I want to move on. I think I've handled this very well, I never pleaded or begged, but it's a huge process to accept. Just focus on yourself, it's going to take a lot of time, but do NOT be just friends. You are just accepting a demotion and get to watch you ex move on with someone else. I haven't had any contact for a month now, and I've significantly healed. Still have ups and downs, but it will be awhile. Stay strong my friend. You are not alone I feel you and i know you are right. Just the thought of him being away kills me, but for a while I had stayed no contact with him and those days I felt good, I was healing, then he came back and here i am fooling myself and forcing myself to change so that he comes back.
theonlyjuan Posted January 24, 2014 Posted January 24, 2014 Mehhhh. I am kinda friends with mine but I don't really want to be. I am much happier doing my own thing and feeling like she doesn't exist, it gets awkward when we see each other out. I am totally over her but I feel like it's such effort to make conversation when I couldn't care less. Luckily for me she only really makes proper conversation when she is drunk. Wouldn't bother, just both do your own thing
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