starla33 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) lets say 4th or 5th date that you only sleep with one person at a time and see what he says. Don't really want to sleep with a guy thats sleeping with other people. My guy friends think me wanting to tell guys this is strange and think I should just go with the flow. WTH. STD's are not funny Edited January 10, 2014 by starla33
nescafe1982 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm confused. You're saying your friends think it's strange that you expect sexual exclusivity from a guy before you'll sleep with him? That's not weird. That's being safe. It's ludicrous that anyone would call you strange for not wanting to be with a man who gets around! Exclusivity is only a mere starting point for me. Forget 5-6 dates. I don't sleep with a guy until we're exclusive, and have been dating for at least 2 months. Guys who can't wait at least that long probably aren't worth the time. 6
pteromom Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Absolutely. If you are planning to sleep with him, you have a right to know if he is sleeping with others before making that choice. A good guy wouldn't have a problem with answering the question. 1
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Absolutely. If you are planning to sleep with him, you have a right to know if he is sleeping with others before making that choice. A good guy wouldn't have a problem with answering the question. I'm just not sure what my exit strategy is or what to do if he says he is sleeping with others....
somedude81 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Of course you should tell a guy that you only have sex in an exclusive relationship. If he refuses, it's his loss. 3
nescafe1982 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm just not sure what my exit strategy is or what to do if he says he is sleeping with others.... "Oh, okay. Well it was nice to meet you. But I don't think this is going to work out." Exit stage left. You don't owe a guy anything. No need to be anything more than honest. 2
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 "Oh, okay. Well it was nice to meet you. But I don't think this is going to work out." Exit stage left. You don't owe a guy anything. No need to be anything more than honest. its hard because i live in a big city and everyone my age is sleeping around A LOT.
nescafe1982 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 its hard because i live in a big city and everyone my age is sleeping around A LOT. Ditto. But you can't start letting what other people do dictate how you behave, especially if it takes you outside of your comfort zone. If you're not comfortable with sleeping around (and I don't blame you... one would have to be crazy to sleep around willy-nilly these days), and all of your friends and dates are trying to push you into it, then maybe the problem is that you're hanging out with the wrong people. Where do you meet people to date? What sort of settings are you meeting these guys in? And how old are you (I find younger women run into this problem a lot more frequently)?
f1asr88 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Don't really want to sleep with a guy thats sleeping with other people. Then don't. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean you have to.
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Ditto. But you can't start letting what other people do dictate how you behave, especially if it takes you outside of your comfort zone. If you're not comfortable with sleeping around (and I don't blame you... one would have to be crazy to sleep around willy-nilly these days), and all of your friends and dates are trying to push you into it, then maybe the problem is that you're hanging out with the wrong people. Where do you meet people to date? What sort of settings are you meeting these guys in? And how old are you (I find younger women run into this problem a lot more frequently)? Well I should say guys my age are sleeping around a lot. I'm in my early 30's. My guy friends seem to all have multiple girls in rotation.
nescafe1982 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Well I should say guys my age are sleeping around a lot. I'm in my early 30's. My guy friends seem to all have multiple girls in rotation. If they're still doing this in their early 30s, they aren't quality men. Seriously. I'm in my early 30's also. All the men I know stopped doing that **** almost 10 years ago. I was thinking you would be like 22, given the way you describe these guys. Maybe you need a new scene. New friends, and definitely you need to meet some new guys. Where are you meeting men? 4
Author starla33 Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 If they're still doing this in their early 30s, they aren't quality men. Seriously. I'm in my early 30's also. All the men I know stopped doing that **** almost 10 years ago. I was thinking you would be like 22, given the way you describe these guys. Maybe you need a new scene. New friends, and definitely you need to meet some new guys. Where are you meeting men? Well I can't exactly move and i do love my friends. It's this city...it's known as peter pan (never never land) where people come to never grow up unfortunately. It's also rated #1 place in the USA to not have kids hahaha. I meet men through friends at events and some online.
nescafe1982 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I don't know that you would need to move to a new city or anything. But like if you're meeting guys at bars or clubs, or other night-life type of events, maybe it's time to try a new social hobby instead. I like meetup.com, too... join a group that isn't about dating or singles. I'm part of a twice-weekly running group and have met a lot of really nice guys that way. Of course, I'm not single... but if I were, I'd be all over that! 1
carhill Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 can you tell a guy you just started seeing... lets say 4th or 5th date that you only sleep with one person at a time and see what he says. Don't really want to sleep with a guy thats sleeping with other people. Sure... My words would be: "I only have sex within exclusive and monogamous relationships (true!). How do you feel about that?"
clia Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm just not sure what my exit strategy is or what to do if he says he is sleeping with others.... Just don't sleep with him. 1
ascendotum Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I'm confused. You're saying your friends think it's strange that you expect sexual exclusivity from a guy before you'll sleep with him? That's not weird. That's being safe. It's ludicrous that anyone would call you strange for not wanting to be with a man who gets around! Exclusivity is only a mere starting point for me. Forget 5-6 dates. I don't sleep with a guy until we're exclusive, and have been dating for at least 2 months. Guys who can't wait at least that long probably aren't worth the time. If you lived in her city (and hers is not exclusive to men/women bouncing from person to person), and was seeing a 'great catch' guy and was making him wait longer & longer, then the greater chance that during this time there would be the situation where he might sleep with others, especially if he had a life of his own and spent time going out with his friends. While not sure on how things were going to pan out with you (sex helps cement the relationship for many guys and for some the longer the wait the more they might think there is low passion from the woman for them or she might be angling for someone better while keeping him on the backburner), they could easily take what comes their way in the meantime. OP - I don't think its strange to ask at all. If I read right what you are asking for is exclusivity from the point you two sleep together. In the weeks up to this point though he may have slept with someone, just the same as you could have unbeknownst to him. 1
Leigh 87 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 The guys who are really into me just don't date or sleep with other girls once they go on a date with me. If they did sleep with others whilst dating me, it would mean they just weren't all that crazy about me. 1
f1asr88 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 If you lived in her city (and hers is not exclusive to men/women bouncing from person to person), and was seeing a 'great catch' guy and was making him wait longer & longer, then the greater chance that during this time there would be the situation where he might sleep with others, especially if he had a life of his own and spent time going out with his friends. While not sure on how things were going to pan out with you (sex helps cement the relationship for many guys and for some the longer the wait the more they might think there is low passion from the woman for them or she might be angling for someone better while keeping him on the backburner), they could easily take what comes their way in the meantime. OP - I don't think its strange to ask at all. If I read right what you are asking for is exclusivity from the point you two sleep together. In the weeks up to this point though he may have slept with someone, just the same as you could have unbeknownst to him. If he's sleeping with others whilst you're dating him.... is he a 'great catch' guy?
nescafe1982 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 If you lived in her city (and hers is not exclusive to men/women bouncing from person to person), and was seeing a 'great catch' guy and was making him wait longer & longer, then the greater chance that during this time there would be the situation where he might sleep with others, especially if he had a life of his own and spent time going out with his friends. While not sure on how things were going to pan out with you (sex helps cement the relationship for many guys and for some the longer the wait the more they might think there is low passion from the woman for them or she might be angling for someone better while keeping him on the backburner), they could easily take what comes their way in the meantime. Um. Sex is not really a good way to "snag" a guy who might otherwise go wandering. Waiting is, however, a good way to weed out guys who aren't serious about a potential relationship. 1
xxoo Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Decide on your standards and stick to it. It's your life and your health. 2
Leigh 87 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Um. Sex is not really a good way to "snag" a guy who might otherwise go wandering. Waiting is, however, a good way to weed out guys who aren't serious about a potential relationship. I tried that with a guy last September. Turns out, he much preferred foreplay anyway:lmao: He got what he wanted from me and still disappeared.
nescafe1982 Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I tried that with a guy last September. Turns out, he much preferred foreplay anyway He got what he wanted from me and still disappeared. Don't feel too bad. I think just about every woman I know has one or two regrettable stories like that.
ascendotum Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 The guys who are really into me just don't date or sleep with other girls once they go on a date with me. If they did sleep with others whilst dating me, it would mean they just weren't all that crazy about me. Even though I posted something a little contradictory above (where the woman was having the guy wait 2mths min), I do think the majority of guys are like you describe. If there is really good chemistry on both sides and you are seeing each other a couple of times a week and there is a bit of physical fun then I think most guys will have their focus on you and feel comfortable that things are progressing well. If they did sleep with some one else, chances are they would not tell you and it would tend to mean they are not really serious about you, though some might might still be into you but still go for it if an easy opportunity presents itself in the meantime. I think the majority of relationships (from fwb-ltr) people have sex pretty soon these days.
ascendotum Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 If he's sleeping with others whilst you're dating him.... is he a 'great catch' guy? Well no maybe not really, but he likely wont announce it. I guess it depends a little on how long the no sex dating period lasts. If the guy is handsome, athletic ,charming, good career, popular he will trigger the 'great catch' title for a lot of women regardless of how much of a pants man he is. In fact 'doing well with the ladies' just adds to the 'great catch' designation for many women. However it would disappoint many (I'd say 50% these days) if they knew he couldn't keep it in his pants for the 2-3 weeks they were initially dating him before going to the next level with sex.
xxoo Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 Don't sleep with a man out of fear of loss. If you have to risk your health to get him, he's no catch. 1
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