nicksball Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I always here ifyou are a guy you shouldn't let your girlfriend push you around and control you. I understand part of that but I'm also confused on it. If my girlfriend asks me to pick up a drink for her and bring it to her house when I'm on my way, am I being a push over if I always say yes? I find it kind of rude if I say "no" Especially if I'm not going out of my way. I just find it hard to understand what it means to being pushed over and letting your girlfriend walk all over you?
nescafe1982 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I don't think you should overthink this one. Keeping score on nice things like this in a relationship is a recipe for disaster. If you want to do nice things for your GF, by all means do them. Don't worry about what other people might say. They're not in your relationship.
Keenly Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Is grabbing something for her in the way being a pushover? No. But cancelling previously made plans upon her request would be pushover behavior. Example 3
GoreSP Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Normally, two people are in a relationship and so two people doing nice things for each other. If your girlfriend is constantly asking you to do stuff for her but always refuses to do stuff for you, I'd say it's starting to look like you're a pushover. However, if she asks you to pick something up for her while you're on your way to her house, it would be kind of a dick move to say 'no' and go over anyways... 1
DorkBreakfast Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 If the request is unreasonable to you, you are within your right as a person to decline the request. No reason to fear reprisal for saying no. And Keenly's example is a good one. +1
Author nicksball Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 say we go to the movies. I want to watch one,s he wants to watch a different one. Is it wrong if I say "well let's watch the one you want to"? I think thats just being a good boyfriend.
MrCastle Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 say we go to the movies. I want to watch one,s he wants to watch a different one. Is it wrong if I say "well let's watch the one you want to"? I think thats just being a good boyfriend. "This time we watch what you want. Next time it's my turn to pick." That's how you do it. Relationships are give and take, not give and give. That's what's meant by not being a pushover. 2
GemmaUK Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Get what she asks for but just nothing else. That's just what she asked you to get. Tis OK.
carhill Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 If my girlfriend asks me to pick up a drink for her and bring it to her house when I'm on my way, am I being a push over if I always say yes? I find it kind of rude if I say "no" Especially if I'm not going out of my way. If you feel like it, do it. If you don't, don't. You'll never feel like a pushover or doormat if you enthusiastically do only what you enthusiastically feel like you want to do, relevant to romance. If it works out, it does. If not, not. I recall getting a call at 10pm one evening from my exW, her car having blown the top tank of the radiator, stranding her. My response: 'Call AAA and have them stick it in the shop door when they get here. It'll be open. I'll fix it tomorrow'. EOS. I didn't chastise her for not calling AAA, since she had been well aware of the service I had been paying for for the entirety of our M, nor did I get all hand-holdy either. I merely reminded her and moved on. Women are not children. No need to treat them like such, or fawn over them, unless of course you feel like it. If you do 'baby' them or 'service their desires', then do it and without comment or complaint, ever. Enjoy the moment of 'getting her a drink' or whatever and move on without keeping an accounting. Good luck. 1
nescafe1982 Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 OP, i think this stuff is about personal taste, really. Are you happy with the amount of give and take in your relationship? Do you feel like she's going the distance for you too? If so, then I wouldn't worry about it. Doing nice things for one another is a great way to create intimacy. It only becomes a problem if one person feels like they're giving and giving, and getting nothing in return. If you feel like you're getting enough in return, who cares, right? We *always* see the movie my boyfriend wants to. always. I rarely pick the film. But it doesn't bother me, seriously... because it means more to him than to me. And he *always* lets me pick the restaurant. As long as both of you are happy, there's no need to keep score or make sure everything is 50/50, IME.
Recommended Posts