Do Most Who Decide To Reconcile End Up Divorced After an Affair?

[jm2013]

I was just curious and wanted to ask the community. It seems like at least from what I've read and seen that most marriages where an affair took place who try and reconcile end up divorced. When my wife cheated on me I thought I could have forgiven it, I truly did. But deep down inside I have an anger that would have sat there for years making myself miserable daily being around her just thinking about it. This would have probably hampered the marriage further and ended up resulting in a divorce anyway. I've left my house and come to realizations that I haven't thought of or felt in a long time. This forum helped me realize many things and not turn myself into a doormat.

[Fluttershy]

I dont think there really is a reliable statistic on it. And it really comes down to the individual circumstance. If my husband and I were to split now it wouldn't be because of the affair (tho that wouldn't be a help) it would be because divorce rates are high for a variety of reasons. The exception would be if he fooled around again or was still carrying on with his xOW. In most cases where reconciliation fails it is either because the WS does not change or backslides or the BS will not forgive. If either party is only partly committed to R it doesn't have as good of a chance as when they both truly want it.

[drifter777]

I agree with Fluttershy that the numbers are probably impossible to determine. Think about the BS who reconciles (kind of) with their WS but, over the years, finds it too painful to stay with the cheater so they D. Or the BS who stays until the kids are grown and then walks. Unless all of the people who divorce are interviewed about their reasons we will never know.

[RightThere]

I tried to reconcile with my STBXW after finding out about the affairs. I put in the work, but she went through what I call "fake" reconciliation.

 

Not really remorseful, still in contact with other men, blame shifting. We finally put a fork in it, but it wasn't because we went through the process of reconciliation. It's because only one of us was really involved in the reconciliation.

 

I believe that I would have gotten through reconciliation, but it required my STBXW to go through real reconciliation as well, which she was unwilling. So that's why we're getting divorced.

 

I believe that people who try to reconcile from an affair can make it work. But it requires just that. Work. And sadly not enough people are actually willing to put in the hard work a relationship needs, which is why often an affair happens in the first place.