perfectly_imperfect Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I hope someone can give me some advice :/. Ok so a week ago i broke up with my boyfriend after confronting him about something i found out he lied to me about yet again. I was so angry and frustrated i said it in the heat of the moment. So after cooling off we both spoke and i told him the reason i said i want to break up is because im tired of always being lied to. I asked him a really simple question do u want to be single or are we going to make this work. He could not give me an answer...so we hung up. The next day i text him did u think about what u want because i cant keep playing this game, he did not respond. So i took his no response in meaning he doesnt care...so i stopped texting and calling him..2 days later he texts me to say "goodnight i miss you" and i ignored it. And we havent spoke since then. My question is am i wrong for ignoring him? And also why cant he give me a response instead of playing this little game? If he doesnt want to be with me thats fine, why cant he let me know instead of avoiding the question. Its so frustrating because this is not the first time he runs whenever he is confronted with something. We were fine up until i confronted him, then out of no where he wants to act like were having problems and run. Should i reach out to him? Or do i let him be the one to reach out to me? I feel like because i ignored him that ONE time he probably took it as im moving on (and i really dont, i want to make it work) we've been together 3 years btw.
Kopite Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 My girlfriend did this to me after a few weeks of being distant. She wouldn't answer things like "Do you still want to be in a relationship with me?", "What do you want?" and finally I asked her near the end of our relationship "do you still love me?" and for all of those questions she couldn't give me an answer. At the same time she would text me things like "Goodnight, I miss your voice", etc, etc which confused the hell out of me, like you. In the end she wanted space but wanted to keep in touch at the same time. I told her I'll give her space but we're not keeping in touch. I broke up with her two weeks ago and have been NC since. I miss her a lot but it's much better than the constant doubt I faced when we were still together, which was making me depressed. Time to go NC, perfectly imperfect. If he really wants you, it's his job to let you know now- not yours. Meanwhile, go out and enjoy yourself.
Chi townD Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Sooooo. I'm a little confused. Are you broken up or not? Your answer will let me know which advice I should give.
Trapito Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Sooooo. I'm a little confused. Are you broken up or not? Your answer will let me know which advice I should give. I think they are. Break up in the heat of the moment. I'm sorry, but he has to do better than that, even though you're the dumper. If someone can't tell you if he wants to be with you and can't give you a reason, I would be pissed too. Then you break up, you even send a text asking if he has an answer by now. No response.. And than, wow... You don't get an answer but an 'I miss you'. That still is NO awnser. He's just looking if you are willing to bite, how nice of him..
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 (edited) thank u so much everyone. its just so confusing i really dont know where we stand, i mean do u think he will not text or call me because i ignored his "goodnight i miss you" text?? do any of u think i should reach out to him or wait? its been 5 days since he sent that text btw Edited January 10, 2014 by perfectly_imperfect
flightplan Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 anyone?? =[ Don't chase him. His silence is saying a lot right now.
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Sooooo. I'm a little confused. Are you broken up or not? Your answer will let me know which advice I should give. im taking it that we are because i gave him the chance to tell me if he wants to be with me or not. he chose not to give me an answer, so what am i supposed to do with that information? what hurts the most is how he can just walk away and not tell me like a man that he doesn't want to be with me. i can take him not wanting to be with me but when he can be with me for 3 years and then just walk away, no explanation or anything its like really? i just dont understand that. and all he kept saying was "i dont want to lose u" but yet when i asked him if he wants to be with me or single he chose NOT to answer like okkk.
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Don't chase him. His silence is saying a lot right now. do u think he will not reach out to me because i ignored his attempt when he said "goodnight i miss u"....do u think i was wrong for ignoring?
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 My girlfriend did this to me after a few weeks of being distant. She wouldn't answer things like "Do you still want to be in a relationship with me?", "What do you want?" and finally I asked her near the end of our relationship "do you still love me?" and for all of those questions she couldn't give me an answer. At the same time she would text me things like "Goodnight, I miss your voice", etc, etc which confused the hell out of me, like you. In the end she wanted space but wanted to keep in touch at the same time. I told her I'll give her space but we're not keeping in touch. I broke up with her two weeks ago and have been NC since. I miss her a lot but it's much better than the constant doubt I faced when we were still together, which was making me depressed. Time to go NC, perfectly imperfect. If he really wants you, it's his job to let you know now- not yours. Meanwhile, go out and enjoy yourself. i have been doing the NC thing but its so confusing because i feel that since i ignored his "attempt" (goodnight i miss u text) i feel he is going to use that as a way of saying "well i did reach out to u but u ignored me". do u think he will give up because of that
LadyM Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 When he said "I don't want to lose you"....that meant that he is afraid of being alone, that he doesn't have another girl lined up yet, so if he can't find one, maybe, just maybe he'll go back to you, but just for a short time and then he will play the same game over and over -- if you let him. You were not wrong for ignoring him. If he wants to reach out to you, he will. Your non-response should not stop him if he really wants contact with you. It's awful that he's keeping you on a string like this. But you don't have to accept it and the best way to show your strength and that you value yourself is not to respond to his breadcrumbs. If he really loves you and wants you, he will no doubt make that VERY clear to you.
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 When he said "I don't want to lose you"....that meant that he is afraid of being alone, that he doesn't have another girl lined up yet, so if he can't find one, maybe, just maybe he'll go back to you, but just for a short time and then he will play the same game over and over -- if you let him. You were not wrong for ignoring him. If he wants to reach out to you, he will. Your non-response should not stop him if he really wants contact with you. It's awful that he's keeping you on a string like this. But you don't have to accept it and the best way to show your strength and that you value yourself is not to respond to his breadcrumbs. If he really loves you and wants you, he will no doubt make that VERY clear to you. thank u sooo much. its just so hard because he has done this before and everytime i walk away (like the last time) i ignored him, told him it was over for good, and really was moving on with my life. that was until he showed up to my house in tears with flowers begging to see me and to get me back. eventually we worked on the relationship and he of course i was doubtful he kept trying to persuade me doing any and everything to make me see he has changed, and eventually i gave in because i really believed him. and now it seems im back to square one smh
It's Just Me Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 Because it's been three years, and because you had to even start that conversation with him tells me that he's just not into you. Never was, and never will be. Men who truly love and respect their women never seem to generate these conversations. And women who are truly loved and respected never seem to have to ask these difficult questions. A good relationship is good, whether it's the third day, the third month, or the third year.
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 10, 2014 Author Posted January 10, 2014 Because it's been three years, and because you had to even start that conversation with him tells me that he's just not into you. Never was, and never will be. Men who truly love and respect their women never seem to generate these conversations. And women who are truly loved and respected never seem to have to ask these difficult questions. A good relationship is good, whether it's the third day, the third month, or the third year. the conversation only started because i confronted him about something. it seems every time i confront him he always runs. we were fine before the confrontation. but as soon as i confront him he wants to act like we were having problems all of a sudden and he takes the easy way out to avoid answering any questions if wants to smh
Trapito Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 I think they are. Break up in the heat of the moment. I'm sorry, but he has to do better than that, even though you're the dumper. If someone can't tell you if he wants to be with you and can't give you a reason, I would be pissed too. Then you break up, you even send a text asking if he has an answer by now. No response.. And than, wow... You don't get an answer but an 'I miss you'. That still is NO awnser. He's just looking if you are willing to bite, how nice of him.. Read this again. I know you are panicking right now, but do you really want to be with a guy who can NOT awnser if he wants to be with you? I know I sound harsh, but you asked him a question which he could not awnser. You asked the same question again and he ignored you. Than later (too late) he sent you a text telling he missed you?! He is playing games, don't fall for it. Ignore! If he wants you back, he'll know where to find you, and he better show up with roses.
flightplan Posted January 10, 2014 Posted January 10, 2014 do u think he will not reach out to me because i ignored his attempt when he said "goodnight i miss u"....do u think i was wrong for ignoring? As a guy, I can tell you if I'm interested in pursuing a woman, there is nothing that can keep me from getting in touch. I will fight wild horses to talk to a woman that means everything to me. If he values you, he'll reach out. If not, then he's a boy, not a man and he's playing games. Make him chase you so you can determine how bad he wants you.
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 As a guy, I can tell you if I'm interested in pursuing a woman, there is nothing that can keep me from getting in touch. I will fight wild horses to talk to a woman that means everything to me. If he values you, he'll reach out. If not, then he's a boy, not a man and he's playing games. Make him chase you so you can determine how bad he wants you. thank u so much. one more thing, in ur opinion how long should i give it before actually saying im moving on? i know we are broken up at the moment but i mean how long should i give it until he reaches out to me saying he wants to work it out? days, weeks, months?
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 anyone elses opinions? =/
flightplan Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 thank u so much. one more thing, in ur opinion how long should i give it before actually saying im moving on? i know we are broken up at the moment but i mean how long should i give it until he reaches out to me saying he wants to work it out? days, weeks, months? I don't know your situation well enough but from a healthy perspective, ball is in his court. Live your life without defining it by him. Make yourself happy, do what you want, when you want, make plans without him, etc... live by your calendar, not his. If he contacts you, then you can decide what you want to do, otherwise, let it go. Your silence tells him all he needs to know. My ex hasn't reached out to me since she BU with me almost three months ago. That tells me she is not interested in anything right now. Same with him. Just my humble opinion.
emi Posted January 11, 2014 Posted January 11, 2014 I think its really simple. If im inlove with my partner, and he/she ask me ''do you love me?'' i would say ''yes, ofc''. Its just really that simple. He with whatever reason doesnt want to be with you anymore but he doesnt wanna lose his security blanket thats why there is '' i miss you'' text.
Author perfectly_imperfect Posted January 11, 2014 Author Posted January 11, 2014 When i ask him if he loves me he says yes...when i asked him if he wants to be single he couldnt give me an answer...besides "i dont want to lose u" ..why does he have to make it more difficult than what it has to be. By him not answering clearly tells me he wants to be single, hes just not man enough to have those words come out his mouth smh.
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